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I wrote a post a while ago about how my dad was advocating for me to be more lenient on marrying someone who was not a US Citizen yet. It turns out he's at it again - not just about the citizenship aspect but comparing American to "overseas" men like from his own country - claiming how they're better husbands, and I know damn well that even if America never existed, the husbands in the Muslim world would be shit. I know this sounds really drastic so bear with me, but I get suicidal ideation all the time when he brings up issues like this. I was born and raised in a western country to a western mother and even if western culture "sucks" according to people in my dad's country, I have the right to choose to live mostly as a westerner if I want to (I'm not sure I even know what I mean by that, but bear with me).
I hate making these kinds of posts because people call you racist, but it's hard for me not to be angry because people from my dad's country also want light women, but don't like it if YOU want a white MAN.
I already know about their basic marriage rules, how they can marry more than one wife, how they can beat their wife in the name of religion, how they can divorce their wives over infertility, etc. but anyway. I also don't even speak the language, like the food, religion, or their politics. I feel like I've got nothing in common with the society.
My dad also acts incredibly stupid in the sense that if you criticize Muslim guys, he does a whataboutism by saying "What about Americans"? I'm like - so what? I'm not promoting them either.
Oh, this hypothetical that people like your dad gets into about "which group of men is better" is pointless - no man is any good unless one of them can prove himself worthy to you personally.
So long as that hasn't happened, they are all nothing to you and should be treated as such.
I can relate to dealing with men from my culture not liking it if you date an "outsider". But they would like access to all the women in the world. I get this crap from uncles. To them, women are a resource they want to hoard for their "tribe".
I agree with forestfairy that disengaging from people like this is the best policy. You would be wasting your breath arguing with them, trying to convince them of anything. Just give them a neutral "okay" that really means "okay, whatever, I tire of talking to you now" - they might interpret it as you agreeing with them, but doesn't matter, that's their problem.
Then you go on and live your life as you please. That's what I do, and thankfully in my situation, there's not a damn thing these uncles can do about it. I hope your situation has similar freedom.
You need to completely disengage. This is a negative loop that will keep going in circles unless you make it stop.
If he keeps pestering you about when you’re getting married just say you will when you’re ready. Just grey rock and repeat ad nauseam.
You don’t have to justify your standards for a partner to anyone including your father. It’s your life.
Do you live with your parents? Maybe it's time to reduce visitations or calls and parcel them out for times when you know you can withstand what he's talking about.
I agree with the others: it’s time to cut off your dad. He’s nagging you and trying to manipulate you into destroying your own (your ONE!) life.
Step away and stay true to yourself and what you know. ❤️🩹