Angry and upset of always having to deal with cat callers and how normalized people make that behaviour

Channel your inner "karen" and call the cops. It's much better if it's at their place of work.

1. Go to a shooting range. 2. Punch your bed and scream as loud as you can into a pillow. 3. Wear headphones so you can't hear them. 4. When you have gotten the anger out of your system remember that they are insecure pathetic little shits.

I hate it. I also hate that men can't even comprehend the extent of it because 98% of cat calling goes away when there's a man walking with you because these losers are only terrified of other men.

Start recording them. Inconspicuously, if you must. (Check your local laws first around the legality of this). Then post up their behaviour online. If they're already doing it in a public place, then I guess they're ok with it being seen by the world. And perhaps their mother.

I feel your rage and hatred...till this day I still get triggered over past POS scrotes who catcalled me...it feels violating and disrespectful...especially when you live in a shitty misogynistic society ( middle east in my case) that will put the blame on your clothes, and justify the man's actions no matter what he does! You just wanna hurt these scrotes so fucking bad, but your physical strength & the shitty society you live in doesn't help

Oh Lord, this is so triggering for me. About a year ago I had a man cat call me as I got out of my car. I live in the city and park on the street. I ignored him, I’m so used to being cat called, which is sad in itself. I came out the next day, he had smashed my windshield. The next night, he smashed six more windshields and tagged “rape” on one of the cars. He got caught smashing another windshield the third night. Come to find out this man was a registered sex offender still on parole. He was out of jail in two days, despite being on parole.

This man lived across the street from me on my block. The detective working the case was like , ”yeah sorry not much I can do, I hate it for you, but You should move.”

I was lucky enough that my friend offered for his dad, who used to be the chief homicide prosecutor in my city, to get involved and he poked around the case. After that, the detective called me back and all of a sudden took it seriously, and was able to build a stalking case against him. I will never forget the detective saying, “well his sex offender charge is just sex trafficking so that should ease your mind because it’s not a violent charge.” I remember saying “yeah, that means he was a pimp, so forgive me if it doesn’t soothe me to know this man is the bottom of the barrel of humanity.”

I also remember the detective saying that I wouldn’t be able to get a harassment charge to stick because it’s just my word against his. Like how tf is the word of a sex trafficking loser on parole the same as a woman that has never even been in trouble of any kind? Still makes my blood boil. The only reason he got put away is because another man got involved and only then did I get taken seriously.

Now when I get cat called, I’m very careful to keep walking, like if I’m getting cat called outside of my building, I’ll keep walking so they don’t know where I live. If I’m getting cat called as I’m walking to my car, I won’t go to my car while the cat caller is watching. I’m careful not to give away any identifying information.

I also don’t suggest trying to confront the cat caller. While it can feel cathartic in the moment, it usually incenses the type of man that cat calls.

Sorry, I wish I had better suggestions, but I feel your pain.

Well, if you are willing to test it out:

Shift into the Defender Mode

Here's the thing -- when you show that you are upset, angry, irritated, harassed, stressed etc2 -- that shows the catcaller that you are in Prey Mode.

They harass you, and you react exactly the way they want -- they have successfully intimidate you. That makes them want to harass you more.

Like a monkey in the cage thing -- the more angry and stressed it is, the more people want to poke and harass it, right?

So, what is shifting into Defender Mode?

Have you seen videos of the animal kingdom where animals who are originally a prey, start shifting into this mode when they are cornered by predators? It is like they forgot they prey mode and becoming something at the same level as those predators.

You can adopt that mode -- you just need to master two things:

1. The ability to stare STRAIGHT into men's eyes and not be the first to look away, and;

2. The blank, emotionless look. Even when they start getting threatening.

I do this by learning to accept that I might get hurt but I will defend myself the best way I can, and keep focusing on the way out in the situation. If I can bolt, I will superman my ass out of there immediately.

If I can't, you can do the Defender Mode anyway you want, but I love to do it this way:

I call it the Valak's Sister Stop and Stare:

When they catcall, stop, stand there, and turn your head to them very, very slowly while maintaining eye contact (on their general eye area) -- like those doll turning their head in horror movie -- and just stare at them quietly with your blank face.

While also slowly getting out your phone to call the police or your tazer or your pepper spray or whatever self-defense tool you carry. And the second you see an opening, bolt.

Are you able to carry a dog spray?

Though if you need advice specifically on how to cope with this anger and desperation:

You are feeling hopeless because you feel like there is nothing you can do, other than face the harassment day in day out, while the people around you is treat it like it is nothing, nobody is coming for your help, nobody is protecting you and making you feel safe and secure.

So you feel alone, helpless, and threatened, you feel like you cannot trust and rely on anybody -- something like that?

So you are bottling everything inside and you are angry and resentful, your chest is in pain or any other physical manifestation and you don't know what to do to stop it? Because you are feeling that kind of pain every day and you can never find a moment of peace and rest?

I am just assuming, but are you in the teenager-young adult age? Since this is a common issue in that age group. I forgot the specific details but it is something about grey matter part of the brain that control the regulation of emotion still developing (until you are 25), so when they feel anything, they feel it super duper intensely.

If you are in that age group -- part of the reason why you feel you anger and hopelessness so intensely is because the control inside is still developing.

Before I go further though, can you confirm what age group you are in? The explanation will be smoother if I know what age group I am talking to.

Smash up your glass recycling, or some old china from a charity shop. Throw it on concrete, or stick it in an old pillowcases and whack it with a bat