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For anyone who watches 90DF, have you noticed the forums tend to be really misogynistic toward the female participants, even from redditors who claim to be women?
This very recent example took my breath away, moreso than the usual PickMe / victim-blaming / bodyshaming fare. (This is not to say there have been women on the show with abhorrent, LV/NV behavior.) Od course, please take all of this with a grain of salt, as we do not always know how scripted these TV shows are. But, I do think cultural response matters.
Back to the example: Amanda (on the newest season of Before the 90 Days) and Razvan are a mess. TL;DR: Amanda (mother of several young children) has been widowed for less than 6 months, and tears up speaking about her late husband. She travels to another country for her online/video call "boyfriend" of about 4 months (!). Red flags abound, as this poor woman is probably still in the midst of grieving. Her children need her around. I can't judge her for wanting comfort and support and possibly judging this new connection as "love." This guy Razvan very much embraces a player persona, and makes money doing flirty / sexual tiktoks (🚩🚩🚩).
Anyway, when she arrived to his country, he was all over her, and you could see by her expression she was a deer in the headlights and shutting down. Her husband was the only man she has ever been with, and it seemed to dawn on her that seeing Razvan made it "real." Understandably. Razvan is all over her and gives her a strange Teddy bear with no face. She said "thanks" but didn't seem to thrilled (ok, whatever, different strokes). Then, she told him "don't put your tongue in my mouth." Like geez dude, you don't have to reach 1st base in a damn airport.
Then, when she got to his place, she was upset he didn't clear any space for her at his sink. She had nowhere to put her hairbrush and became short with him. And she didn't want to sleep with him right away.
Anyway, the community of MOSTLY WOMEN was calling Amanda "entitled" and "bitchy" for saying she didn't want Razvan's tongue in her mouth at the airport (?!?), her reception of the Teddy bear, the bathroom sink, and for being freaked out/upset. Would I say it was a good decision for her to go to his country? I would say no, I get creep vibes from Razvan.
But this is how women perpetrate cultural misogyny. These seemingly female commenters on Preddit are acting like Amanda should just let Razvan touch her however he wants just because he deigned to commit to her and give her attention. 🙄🙄🙄
In my pickme days, this kind of attitude was responsible for putting myself in terrible positions with men. Specifically the line of "I need to tolerate a man grabbing at me whenever he wants, to keep him interested, because I owe him for picking me instead of all the better options out there." Or, "he grabbed at me, even though I wasn't ready, so now it is too late and it is time to freeze, shut down, or fawn." Of course, not to blame myself for their actions, but it exposed me to men who do not have the respect, empathy, compassion, common sense, or capacity to have a loving relationship. In essence, pearls before swine. And like many women, I realize I had a trauma response to an unusual situation. And exposure to the trauma as an adult made me devalue myself and normalize male behavior I would have NEVER accepted in my younger years. Stay aware, ladies, and vet your friends for this kind of mindset. This mindset will put you in danger directly, or if you associate with people who have it.
I thank my lucky stars for FDS. It's been lonely in the years since, but at least I haven't promised myself to men who will actively treat me lower than filth. I have friends who care about me and would never say this nonsense to me. Be safe, everyone.
No neck ed's daughter was the worst. Hostile pickme who thinks he deserves better than the women he tricks into his life. His ex became a youtube sensation and he's visibly bitter about it.
I don’t watch 90 day fiancé anymore but yes, when I did I noticed there was a ton of misogyny in the subreddit. At first I didn’t notice when I was watching back in 2020 but now I see right through all that garbage.
I hate tongue kissing. I finally decided this year that the next time a man asks to kiss me, I am just going to say “Yes, but please don’t put your tongue in my mouth.” If that’s a problem for him, too bad. Tongue-in-mouth is too sexual for me. I wouldn’t mind it from someone I am already in a sexual relationship with as part of sex, but with a stranger I think it’s disgusting. I’ve asked several women (and even a gay man) and they all agree they hate tongue kissing, but they do it because they feel they have to. I’m sure some women like it, but it’s sad how many hate it yet do it anyway out of a sense of obligation. Why do we put ourselves through this?
But to answer your initial question, yes, I do see that the criticism toward the people on the show is skewed toward the women. The only man I see who has really gotten shit is No-Neck Ed.
It's a pure trash show. I don’t like it at all. I honestly hate Jasmine the most. I have never in my life seen a women degrade herself so much to the public like this and desperate for sex. It’s nauseating and makes me want to puke 🤢 and for who? For a bald ugly guy who has no qualities. I refuse to watch it again. It’s just women being used as toys for male sexual pleasure
Yes!
That's why I removed myself from the 90-day Fiance community lol. Every season the subreddit finds some mediocre guy to fawn over. Like the bare minimum type.
"Not my ____. He wouldn't hurt a fly🥺."
I've seen this same behavior from the White Lotus community. In season 2 Reddit fawned over Albie because he was such a "nice" guy🙄. Everyone on there hated a character named Portia for the wrong reasons lol. They hated her because she didn't fall for Albie's hopeless romantic bs and chose to have a flirty fun time with another tourist. Albie hooked up with another girl (who turned out to be a prostitute) in front of Portia out of spite and Portia still didn't care lol. But If you ask the community they swear he got his one-side revenge lol.
I know what you mean! I lurk that subreddit sometimes!
Any rational comment is always getting downvoted and it’s so critical of what the women are doing wrong.
I don’t think Amanda is being entitled or anything like that. She comes off as a pick me to me. But that might be trauma. Her husband was 15 years older than her and she was only 18 when they started dating. I think it’s irresponsible for her to leave her kids for that long and she doesn’t even seem to like this guy. But I think they are both on the show for clout and followers. So I don’t think much of their story is real anyway.
One thing I keep seeing on Reddit is that they feel bad for Tyray. He’s the one getting catfished and he’s sending money. I don’t feel bad. He should look in the mirror and realize no one that looks like Carmella would want him. You know if a woman in his league showed interest he would feel like he DESERVES someone hot. To me Tyray is just a fat incel. We don’t even know if he’s a nice , sweet guy because he hasn’t done much yet.
The mere fact that No Neck Ed was allowed to go around fucking poor Filipino women without consequence showed me all I needed to know about the misogyny on that show.
No Neck Ed is literally what the man of my nightmares would look like.