starting in a workplace with all men

They are not your friends and no matter how nice they may seem, you are not one of them. They will never circle the wagons around you the way they would for each other. Superficial only, grey rock. They'll treat you like furniture and the mask will slip. Then you'll see who's a piece of shit (spoiler alert, it's 99.9% of them) and what's up. It's a great lesson in how to compete, so enjoy yourself and the experience if you can!

*edit for missing words

All the caution is absolutely necessary.

Read machiavelli for women by stacy vanek smith immediately.

That book is the only reason I have survived this long in my current male dominated workplace.

Cheerfully misunderstand everything you see and hear to ensure that their masks drop asap.

You got this.

Men who are bored in their marriages will tell you about their day to day lives with their wife and kids. Ask about their wife. Often. Praise her and her accomplishments so they will feel horrible to even FEEL attraction to you. Never praise mediocre dad activities like when he says the night with the crying baby was tough. Praise the strenght of his poor wife. If you have to entertain someone, stick with the nerdy colleagues who are occupied with work and usually don't have much time for coffee breaks and endless jokes. All they think about is their excel sheet and their code. Always listen secretly, what your male colleagues talk about when no women are present. Pretend to not hear them or stand behind a door for a minute to observe them. You will soon know which men are LVM and which are decent.

Worked in a male-dominated place and it was almost like a cult sometimes. There was a group of cliquey younger men who ran the office social life and bullied everyone else, assisted by a 40 yo female boss who had a severe case of NLOG. It was 2020 and i felt like a diversity hire just for being female - and this was print media, not tech 😂

And a bunch of older men who were easier to get on with, but it's still not the same as working with women. They will never accept you as one of them fully and they will likely start to close ranks if something bad happens. It's good to get one or two work buddies if you can, i.e. men who will mentor you or who are just willing to help out when you need it. But close friendships and other relationships are a big no. No matter how interested in you they seem.

Enjoy the attention you may receive, but do not flirt back. NOTHING more than a smile and a "thanks." They will all pin you as a whore just for flirting, even if literally no one has any way to contact you outside of work. They'll hate you for not "picking" someone to fuck, and they'll also hate you if you do sleep with someone.

If the workplace has cameras, which I hope it does, go straight to hr *when* you get your first threat. I got physically threatened twice at my job, within the first year. Once for being faster than a man, and the second time for not flirting with an incel. (Incel actually threatened me twice, I went to my boss twice. They protected his job twice, for what should be an immediate termination. These men literally weren't even friends. Its just that men protect each other first and foremost, always. "Women and children first" only ever happened literally one time in all of human history, the Titanic, and men still complain about it to this day. (The protocol is to go to your boss first. Go to your boss first, then immediately go to HR. Because more than likely your boss wont document or do anything about it.)

Be extremely picky who you have lunch/take breaks with. Preferably the only other woman, or no one at all. Sitting at a table with one or more men means your "claimed" in pornsick man-land.

This one should be obvious but I learned the hard way. Don't compliment men. Just don't. I complimented a 45yr old man and for THREE YEARS, he has whined at me that i owe him sex. (Because that's how you impress a woman, just fucking whine like a baby.)

More than likely a male will try to sabotage your work at some point. All you can do really is document the shady shit.

So yeah, basically, don't flirt back, don't take lunch or break with a man, dont make friends outside of work. (I befriended an engaged man who gushes about his fiance, then he asked me to join their fucking polycule)

Be incredibly boring, but don't keep your head down. Chin up. And fucking scream at the top of your lungs if a man corners you. The cameras are your friend.

I have experience with Male centric companies and all male teams.

Basically there were 2 ways to go:

1. Be one of the guys

2. Be pleasant and attractive and pander to them

Staying professional and matter of fact would get women excluded and fired.

Also it was mandatory to be highly communicative. Being quiet and getting work done just wasn't accepted for women. There was an expectation that we may do all the effort of reaching out proactively and communicate with standoffish male colleagues.

Some men I worked with were very awkward around women and didn't do the necessary communications with us. So it was essential to share the work proactively with them and communicate into a black hole. Also to keep all the receipts of communications.

Also there was a lack of information given and training provided by awkward males that other males got.

Finally, I noticed in all male teams there was often a lack of tasks provided to women. Either because males tried to avoid talking to them or because they we're simply to awkward to have a conversation about anything with them. Leading to low work load, lower output and lower oerformance

If women failed to do the extra work mentioned above they would be fired in grounds of being intransparent and not working.

Needless to say it was t o x i c and leaving those places was a massive relief.