Resume rephrasing: the task you do vs how it reads

Many crappy male coworkers are wizards at self important resume descriptions, how wordy do you get with your resume? Are you no-nonsense and direct, or have you mastered the buzzwords and catch phrases to make the most simple task seem crucial? Is there industry lingo you use or avoid camouflaging behind? What's the best advice you've gotten from others with impressive resumes? What ridiculous bullshit have you seen men put on theirs?