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I'm struggling a lot with mental health and loneliness and feeling like no one cares about me. Also with feeling like I want to give time, attention, love and effort to something/someone but not really finding a place to put it. A lot of people have suggested volunteering and I think it would help. I really want to feel useful.
The thing is I have horrible social skills, like the thought of interacting with people irl makes me really nervous because of how scared I am of coming off as creepy, weird, clingy or rude. In the past, I have done remote volunteering and I found it to be a fun experience because I was researching and writing on topics I was really interested in for a nonprofit org. Doing something irl would probably be more useful to people but it also feels like stepping outside my comfort zone too much.
I am aware however that if I keep isolating myself, it's going to make my social skills worse. So I guess what I'm asking is if it's okay to just stick to remote vounteering, or if it's worth it to try to be brave and do irl stuff.
I feel that nervousness about how I come off, too. I power through it, even though part of me don't want to. Just gotta put on my big girl pants and just do it. Classic introvert struggle 😉
It's never as bad as you think it'll be. Once you get out there, you'll see.
You can try dipping a toe in by volunteering at some of those annual events that needs volunteers. it's not much commitment, and it's a bunch of people who only see each other for this one thing and will likely never meet again - so low stakes even if you don't come off well. It can help you get the ball rolling and get acclimated to being around people.
I had an avoidant attachment style up until recently, so I definitely empathize with your social troubles. I still do, technically, but am actively trying to sort of force myself out and get treatment for it. It’s sooo hard though. I really resonate with what you said about wanting to give more of yourself to others — that’s a very respectable thing and I do think it will pay off for you. Baby steps though.
It’s fine to start small. Keep up with the remote volunteering for now. Do you ever have the opportunity to talk with people over Teams or some kind of camera app? I find that chatting with people over camera is much easier for me than in person. It could be a stepping stone to going out and meeting people. Either way, don’t force yourself. It’s good to make progress of course, but progress can be slow.
Do it in person. Push yourself. Because I too suffered with being isolated and struggled with self worth until I took the plunge to volunteer at a charity store basically it changed my whole life and gave me so much connection and meaning, I made loads of great friends and connections. Try it! What's the worst that can happen?
What’s your end goal?
If you’re volunteering to meet people, then you should do it in-person. On the other hand if you’re doing it for the hours as a requirement, you should do it at home to save money, and time.
Also, if it’s something you like or a networking experience, do it in-person.
Don't worry about being socially awkward, some people will find it refreshing. Also, there are people who you might think that have problems at the volunteering place, so it's all relative on how you see it.
For anyone struggling with social skills I always recommend Vanessa Van Edwards' videos on youtube. Excellent advice.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns. It's wonderful that you find enjoyment in remote volunteering, and that's perfectly okay. Remote volunteering does have its downsides in terms of not having in-person interactions, but remember that social skills are learned through experience and growth. Making mistakes is natural, and it's a part of the learning process.
Taking it slow is essential; don't overwhelm yourself and avoid comparing your social skills to others. Every small step you take adds up, and progress happens gradually.
Considering taking a class or workshop on social skills could be beneficial as it can provide you with valuable insights and techniques to improve your interactions with others.
Remember, you are trying to improve yourself and grow, so who cares how others might judge you. Focus on your personal growth and development.
Working on your self-esteem is crucial. Acknowledge your strengths and the value you bring to volunteering and other aspects of your life. Embrace your journey towards growth and self-improvement with kindness and care for yourself.
Volunteering for causes you genuinely care about once a week can be a great way to build confidence, work on social skills, and meet different people. As your confidence grows, you'll be able to decide how involved you want to be and how many days or hours you can dedicate.
As you continue to grow, you might discover other adult activities, such as sports, games, hiking, or anything that interests you, which can also be excellent opportunities to connect with like-minded individuals and expand your social circle.
Remember, the most important thing is to be patient with yourself and prioritize your mental health and well-being throughout this journey. There's no rush, and taking small steps towards personal growth and social interaction is a valuable achievement. Keep focusing on what feels right for you, and you'll find your path to fulfillment and purpose.