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I went to work drinks, and someone who I thought was a "nice guy" got really weird with me during work drinks.
At every chance he got, in the convo he used it to neg me. He also tried to brag that he's clearly the hottest guy in the office, almost like he was trying to fish a compliment out of me? Then he did the classic "I think you have a moustache". (Btw I don't because I'm generally hairless and wax that area regularly).
I was like wtf is going on. Not only is this person meant to be a colleague, but he's actually quite senior in position. I was shocked at his behavior and creeped out.
This person is not traditionally good looking, but he's always had good contributions to work meetings, and has spoken to me nicely before in the office so I thought he was normal respectable person.
Ironically, the more traditional good looking guys at my office are always really respectful when talking to women or good-looking women. It's honestly sad how the men who aren't are really resorting to negging tactics to try get women above them to be on their level. It's so creepy and weird!
I'm honestly so shocked and not sure what to do anymore when I see this person in the office. Unfortunately he is an external stakeholder for my team that I will need to work with in the future. Just so creeped out and never want to socialize with him outside of work meetings ever again.
Any advice or thoughts?
Do not go out for drinks with this man again. Avoid socializing with him outside of the office if at all possible. In the office, try to avoid speaking with him face to face, and instead use chat or email in order to keep a documented record of all of your interactions. If you have to talk to him face to face, write up documentation of that too.
Learn different ways of saying "I'm not comfortable talking about that." You can say it sweetly while smiling genuinely, more sternly, very firmly, etc.
Learn polite phrases you can use to exit the interaction: "I need a minute," then walk away from him. Or "We'll need to come back to this later." "Sorry, now's not the best time."
He's going to hit on you more creepily, and then you should gray rock. If he gets really creepy and gets mad because you're gray rocking, he'll start being shitty to you at work. That's called retaliation. That's when it's time to use big guns and either report his ass, get him fired, or take him down.
In fact, since he's senior to you, it's really like he's begging to be reported already. I actually think you should report him and just go with an understated, matter-of-fact "I was uncomfortable" angle.
DO NOT DATE COWORKERS. This is a sign of LV to me because people often cheat with coworkers and for what reason? Often because they’re JUST THERE.
When you see cheating stories it’s of course always the coworkers lmao.
It’s easy and fake intimacy plus if there’s no true courtship phase since yall are already “familiar” from work. If the easy workplace proximity is all takes a man to pursue a partner they are lazy and 100% a LVM. Worse than the male leftovers on the apps in my opinion because those unemployed losers are actually trying to put themselves out there. These weirdo coworker LVM will cheat on you with the next coworker obviously since they do not have boundaries with themselves. Like imagine having forced to work with an ex yet they risk it all often because they have nothing to lose lel.
They are also not smart to do that. People who shit where they eat do so because they haven’t learned yet.
"Just so creeped out and never want to socialize with him outside of work meetings ever again."
So don't. Grey rock him at work from now on. You can do your job perfectly without being his friend.
This creep is a small distraction in your level-up journey. Sure, you'll have to work with him again, but you should be focusing on doing your work and perhaps making connections with your direct superiors, not fretting about what this man thinks about you personally.
If he starts making inappropriate comments at work, you could consider reporting him to HR.
I love situations like this, because it opens up the field to talk about crime stats (overwhelmingly male) and other female supremacist talking points.
I also get to do this in an arena where I can soon after prove I'm not an "evil b****" by helping them with side work.
It's like redpill on the internet, but after you destroy them for being wrong assholes, they are then forced to personalize and humanize you.
My favorite is that the "top companies responsible for the most pollution are owned and created by men" and "99% of school shooters who kill CHILDREN for no fucking reason are men."
Redpill lost before they started because they aren't honest.
I also love when they're White supremacists because I tell them "the things you admire in "White" people like our supposed highest iqs and lowest crimes stats (both false, btw) are applicable in women. When we are equally educated, like we are right now, we score higher on IQ tests, AND we are less violent than all our male counterparts of all races."
I'm not gonna give you an advice on how to deal with scums like him however I do have a problem with some of the comments here telling you to "tell the scrote off by smiling sweetly or trying to prove the scrote wrong by helping him or telling him how uncomfortable you are with his shit".... Those answers reminded me of this video
https://youtu.be/qpeY7ClcN4Q?si=jP1GnWPNPfy60Gu8
I prefer this approach along with grey rocking and reporting his ass of course...but and non of that meek bullshit
The last time I attempted befriending a male he tried this on me. It was definitely weird and I still have no idea what specifically motivated him to make that comment. Even if it was a pure case of putting your foot in one's mouth, that accidental slip still revealed what he's thinking inside...so whatever. I'd say, good riddance. Don't get close. Just keep a polite distance.