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I had made a post about this previously but then deleted it because I thought my post was a little jumbled, but thought I'd retry it. It will probably be long-winded since this is partially a vent but yeah.
I started a new job as a teaching assistant and I have many awesome coworkers and bosses who are all very supportive. I am new to this field - special education - and along the way I would've have been able to excel as much without solid training and also my coworkers who will give me tips and tricks, stop me if I'm doing something wrong and give me suggestions, etc. I am very open to all of this as like I said, this is a totally new arena for me.
That said, there is one coworker I have who is just overall a really negative person. Based on what other coworkers have told me she has always been like that and used to be worse before I came on as there was another person who was also negative and the two of them would just feed off each other and make each other spiral further into the negativity. Not sure why she is this way other than this just seems to be who she is. She is always finding something to complain about and often just seems generally annoyed or angry about stuff and has this general attitude of being over it all.
She and I haven't 'butt heads' exactly but she has found stuff that in her eyes I am doing wrong and I have heard her mulitple times complaining about me where she thinks I can't hear with another coworker (who as far as I know is chill, but is a typical man and I think just tries to stay neutral/not get involved...based on what I know I do not believe he also partakes in the talking about me negatively but just kinda says stuff to get her to move on). One time I had a lunch training with an occupational therapist in regards to a student's lunch time routine; the OT basically said ok, well just grab a plate of food and we can just sit down together since you're focusing on this student. Suddenly this aforementioned negative coworker demands I help another student and chastises me saying staff needs to make sure all the other students are helped before eating lunch ourselves. The OT stepped in and asked another staff to do it and said to other staff that I was doing a training, and the coworker just said "oh" and scurried away. She did apologize after so that was that, but she still continues to do this thing where she automatically takes the negative in something and jumps to this negative conclusion.
She also talks about me, idk how often but I heard her do it once when I first started. She complained about me not saying good morning to her to another coworker, and apparently this is something that she is a stickler about to everyone. I can admit this is probably a habit I should work on - and I have this past week when I see her to make sure I say hello just so I'm not starting on a bad foot - but particularly for my morning shifts I'll clock in and I might just start asking about the students or tasks for the day etc. or just give a quick 'hey'. She also did it again this week; I had overlooked whether or not a student got a snack because I had assumed he had already eaten or was already being helped. I admit I should have just double checked directly rather than assuming, but I heard her go into the kitchen and complain that I was just standing there. I had attempted to confront her after and apologized and said I didn't realize the student wasn't being helped and idk if she just didn't hear me or if she just ignored me.
Today I believe I heard her talking about me again...I hope that I am wrong but I thought I heard her talking about me again. Sometimes during the school day we will have free periods where we aren't assigned to a class. Unless otherwise told, we are expected to be in the residential 'cottages' for students in case someone calls and needs assistance. During a free period today, I spent some time talking to a staff member in the dining room (which is fine, because I was still in the cottage) before heading off to bring a student to an appointment per a direct request from my manager. It was a last minute ask, and thus not on the schedule. This took some time as I also remembered I had to help transport another student to class. I came back to the cottage as soon as I was done doing my work and did not dilly dally or wander around campus. I believe I heard this coworker complaining about me not being in the cottage during the free period and insinuating I was goofing off somewhere - again just jumping to this conclusion.
She definitely does it about other coworkers too - when I was filling in for one coworker, she complained about the one that was out to someone, and said something like "oh, little miss snitch isn't here today". Said coworker is definitely not a 'snitch' but certainly someone who will bring up concerning behavior to our bosses; this IS a school after all and honestly I also find this person can be kind of mean/gruff with the students. The person she complained to was telling me about how this woman is also generally extremely paranoid of other people.
I'm just not really sure how to handle this. I had a performance review yesterday and my boss gave me a lot of praises, I know the students like me, I know my other coworkers like me, I believe I am doing just fine. Do I ask my other coworkers if she's been talking about me? Do I talk to my boss? Do I confront her if I hear her talking about me? I think I am worried that if I speak up, it won't resolve anything but simply make it worse and possibly make her ramp it up and target me more with her criticisms. As of right now I've just been trying to remain cordial, and just remain focused on my task of doing the best work I need to do to help my students, and avoid her. I feel like she knows that I avoid her but idk, so does everyone else. We will be sitting in a living room filled with staff and everyone will be talking to each other but her. When students call for staff for help or because they just want to chat, they never ask for her. Whenever I clock in and shes there I just feel like she is this cloud of negative energy and I really have to put a lot of focus into a 'water off a camels back' mindset and just try to ignore her negativity.
I don't know if I am just the current target for her negativity because I'm new and I'm not always perfect, or if she just straight up doesn't like me. But I think I am also worried about this increasing in severity and her complaining about me to our bosses. I would like some advice about how to deal with this, and how to make sure I cover my ass/don't get caught with my pants down if she does complain about something that my boss ends up wanting to speak with me about.
That she does this to everyone is good, it demonstrates that she isn’t targeting you specifically. It sounds like you’re doing great, so please don’t take anything she says to heart. Anything she says behind your back isn’t going to tarnish your reputation as your work speaks for itself. She’s only making herself look bad by talking behind everyone’s backs. As for getting her to stop confronting you, I suggest taking the fun out of it for her. She’s trying to get you to engage on her level, but if you refuse to and instead turn it around and make her uncomfortable, she will start avoiding you. With people like this I don’t even acknowledge what they say. I like to laugh and smile while being incredibly patronizing. If she asks where you were while you were working, don’t explain yourself, just laugh and smile and say something about how lucky we are to have such a dedicated hall monitor to keep track of where everyone is going. If she seems upset and tries to confront you about anything, don’t acknowledge what she’s saying and just act concerned and say something like “oh my you seem to have gotten yourself all worked up, do you need to get a nice drink from the water fountain and collect yourself?” Pretend you’re talking to a small child who can’t control their emotions. Do your best to talk around her and always say it with a smile. Being over the top in both your praise and concern for her well being but only when she comes at you. Ignore her otherwise. I wouldn’t bother saying hi in the mornings. If she confronts you, smile and say you were busy with work but you certainly would never mean to hurt her feelings especially if it’s going to get her so worked up. Maybe once you get more comfortable at it you can apply it when she’s being rude to others too. It really really works. I’ve had a negative busy body types at past jobs and they started avoiding me when they realized they’d never get the reaction they were looking for. As long as you only say “kind” and “helpful” things and do it with a smile, she’ll look ridiculous if she complains to anyone.
Have you ever heard of "yellow rocking"? Slightly different than "grey rocking", but it is a technique you use against abusive people. Grey rocking works great in many situations, but in a business professional environment, it is better to yellow rock because there is something more "likable" and "slightly different" about the person who is using this method.
If you can come up with some canned responses to this negative individual, hopefully she will get off your back soon. I am really sorry. It is never easy to be the object of someone's shitty behavior.
Lucky for you she does not sound popular or well liked, and has already gotten an HR complaint. Keep an eye on her when she handles students, as that is way more reportable than her being a moody dick at work. Otherwise I think you're doing fine keeping it cordial. Yellow rock sounds like a good idea too.
You need to protect yourself and complain about her to HR and the boss. The boss almost never takes this seriously. But HR has to make a record of it. Chances are she has already been complaining to the boss about you. Some people are just toxic and enjoy having the power of ruining someone's job.