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Hi everyone!
I am currently undergoing training for three months. I work in a male dominated field. I have been grouped with three other men. I am the only female in the entire workshop. I have to spend my entire day there, and do assignments in the time off.
My groupmates stick together, resolve each other's doubts, do the assignments in one of their homes (the nerve!), go to the workshop together. (It is in a secluded, unsafe area and no vehicles are allowed). They have excluded me completely. Right from the beginning, even before the first "hello"
They talk only to each other and not to me
They stand and discuss in a circle and physically block me from listening or participating in the conversation
They are ignoring my work- I have sent them my part of the assignment and they have not used it at all- no explanation given. They used something else instead that they made. (It is much worse than mine, by the way- no kidding.)
When I asked if we could meet in a public place for the assignments, they nodded- but didn't show up. They met behind my back and did the assignment. When I confronted them, they said it was more convenient in the house and that I was "free to come, if I was really interested in the work". There is no way in hell I am going to that fucktard's house!
They are deliberately condescending- For a group presentation (We all are supposed to present the slides, taking turns) , they sent me a word-to-word script. I didn't use it of course. But that was highly unprofessional on their part and a clear aggression. As a way of insulting my intelligence and "underlining" my supposed incompetence, lol.
They speak rudely and condescendingly. If I ask a necessary question, they smirk and don't answer. If they have to speak to me, it is in a rough tone- as if they are my higher ups! They are literally on the same level as I am.
There are no higher ups I can complain to- We are basically left alone for this training. Besides, these are not explicit transgressions that I can document. The job itself is fine, I have no intention of leaving, it's just this training. It is compulsory.
I am currently grey rocking as much as possible. But I am not learning as much as I would like.
How do I smartly deal with this? Is there a way to get in on the work and be included again, or maybe mitigate the effects? Or do I simply grin and bear it and get it over with?
General advice on how to deal with condescending scrotes in the workplace is also appreciated.
Thanks!
I know what these men are doing. They believe women don't belong there and they do this to try to shut you out and make you go away. You need to copy everything you submit to your chain of command and find an ally in HR and on your team. Document everything. That script they sent you, keep it and keep the one you actually did. Document and talk to HR about it. There is some serious legal stuff. But let the evidence grow.
<ignore this> I don't even know how to deal with macroaggressions and have a big one I'm dealing with at work right now. It's stressing me out and I don't know why this is happening.
see if you can find your company's code of ethical conduct or something similar. this is very clearly bullying. they are misoginistic pieces of shit. besides that, Bathsheba's idea is the way to go hahaha
The best thing I can say is keep to those emails as receipts. Then dump their asses when something better comes along.
I'd let one of them catch me on the phone saying, “honestly I gave them every chance but there’s no way this group are going to get the bonus once my audit is submitted. Frankly, most aren’t even going to progress to the next stage which is a nightmare given we’ll be back to recruitment.”
"Besides, these are not explicit transgressions that I can document." You kind of did, right now! They seem plenty transgressive to me. Actually, they're horrible - they are excluding you, in an overt manner, they're condescending, rude and uncooperative.
First of all, I am SO sorry. I went through similar stuff at various jobs and it was awful. I never had anyone to complain to and realized the best thing to do was to quit - because the situation was very damaging to my self-esteem.