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Hi, so this question has nothing to do with dating but I know you ladies are all about levelling up and bettering yourself so I hope it's ok to post this sort of thing here!
So I'm 32 and for the past 10 years I've been working in a care home for minimum wage. I came here straight after graduating from university with an English Degree. I do enjoy my job but the money doesn't go very far and I feel like a change is due soon. I've never been an ambitious sort of person but I long to just be able to have my own flat. Not necessarily to buy but just to rent. I have lived with a landlady for the past 2 years, she's lovely and rent is cheap but I'm getting fed up of not having my own space and having to ask for permission if I want a friend round.
I work a lot of overtime where I am now, so sometimes I'm bringing home £1900 a month or so. I don't think that's enough for a flat, because rent alone for one bedroom flats is at least £1000, and I have no idea what bills are like on top of that. I'm in the South of England. I applied for council housing, and my application was denied straightaway despite me saying my living situation is making my mental health worse, which it is. I'm envious of my colleague who is renting a council flat for the same price as I'm renting my room, despite her having no dependents or mental health issues.
I keep getting this crazy idea about moving away up North where rent is cheaper, and becoming a teacher. But I have severe social anxiety and CPTSD, plus I'm useless in social situations. I possibly have autism but I don't know. I've never been concerned about a career, the only career I've toyed with is teaching. But my mental health is too bad, I get anxious just leaving the house and I believe people are judging me because of my hypervigilance and trauma. I feel like I'm going to go no where with my life, I feel years behind everyone else but I'm desperate for a change. I've tried meds and therapy on and off since I was 18.
Can anyone please offer advice or support? Thank you!
Just a thought... if you want to get into teaching, maybe consider teaching in FE? I'm in the UK and was a lecturer for about 15 years. I loved it. I would have never wanted to teach in a school, even back then, and I think things are way worse now. If you like care work, you could continue to build on your vocational quals. whilst you're uplevelling other areas of your life and then check out doing your PGCE and becoming a lecturer in Health and Social Care.
Just wanted to say that these are scary times but exciting times when you're at that precipice of change. I promise you that you won't regret it. This impulse coming up over and over inside you won't go away and forcing it down will make you more sad than anything else. This impulse is you wanting to get the best out of your life because it's what you want to do. You don't have to do it all in one day. One thing I will add is that don't discuss what you're wanting to do with other people much, just those who perhaps can actually guide you or are in the profession you're considering. Keep it a nice little exciting secret you're working on for you!
Also I read your last post from June because it was recommended down below.
Exercise! Take pre workout and exercise. Pretend you're a beast that's going to conquer your bullshit.
I channel my PTSD and anxiety into rage and energy that I use for exercising. That should be your source of ambition.
You should want to become an unstoppable machine. Use your anger to channel ambition that you have within you.
Don't let men or society make you feel like you have no purpose or that you're stuck. You're not stuck, you want to do something and you can f****** do it. 😎👉👉 Just do math on the finances part and literally follow your impulses (in a calculative matter.) It's honestly part of the trauma healing process to live life for yourself. It can be hard because it constantly feels like you only exist for others (i.e friends to compensate for lack of family bonds.) but over time you can do the weird stuff you want to do without being worried that you're messing up.
Save money.
Get ready for the interview process.
Keep saving money until you can get a better place.
And maybe see if you're spending money on silly things without realizing it so you can save money for these dreams.
Still thinking about you 😂... Re your comment about moving up North. I am in the North of the UK and you could BUY a one-bedroomed flat in the area that I live in for much less than £1000 pm with just a 10% deposit. (We also have some of the best countryside and friendliest people - but I'm biased!) As a care worker, you have in-demand skills that would enable you to work anywhere in the UK whilst transitioning into a new career. I know you might not be in the headspace to appreciate this at the moment but, from the outside looking in, you definitely have options!!!!!! I echo what Smug nihilist said about saving money - she's given you some really good advice in her comments. Just pick what seems easiest to do right now and put all your efforts into it. Once you start to see some progress in the area you've chosen to work on, you'll start to feel more confident and motivated to give other areas of your life the same treatment. (Also, your care work background is always there to fall back on temporarily if you explore a career option that you later decide isn't the right one for you. Or if you need to earn a bit of extra money whilst you're transitioning.)
I'd definitely get a new higher paying job. I totally get the hypervigilance thing too.
With your degree you could branch out to different industries like being an interior / kitchen designer or maybe start being a teacher right now and work your way up to better paying teacher positions.
The job truly is the defining factor in situations like this, and honestly getting uncomfortable is worth it. I job hopped for months thinking I was going to screw myself over. I ended up finding a higher paying job that I enjoy and the people are way nicer than my lower paid jobs.
I updated my resume, studied body language for interviews and even what clothes statistically do best.
Once you put enough energy into something you're not going to fail easily.
Just make sure you have emergency money before starting your job hopping journey.
I think working overtime and not having your own space is bad for your mental health. I rent out a room with a mini fridge. It's cheap and I kinda have my own space but if your rents already cheap I think the job could be different, especially since there are jobs that pay well without you needing to work overtime.