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I've read a few posts on this forum that encourage us to video chat before a first date. I agree it can be an effective vetting tool.
On the other hand, I consider it akin to a low-effort coffee date.
I have high standards for myself. To prepare for a video chat, I have to plan what to wear and spend time doing my hair and putting on makeup. I need time to prepare mentally and socially before the chat. I do all this because I want to look and feel good on camera. The preparation for a video chat can take as long as the preparation for an in-person date.
At the end of the day, the man is benefitting from my time, effort, and presence, while he has not spent any time, effort, or money. This does not feel right to me at all. I despise when men get something for nothing. Even as a prostitute, I could charge for my time and conversation over video chat.
What are your views on video chatting before a first date?
If you do not like to video call, at least try a normal phone call. I did not want to meet with 95% of them after that. They were either rude, tried to turn the call sexual, or made sexist remarks and so on. It's a good alternative that still leaves you at risk regarding looks though.
i can see where you're coming from, but i dodged a bullet at least once by requesting a video chat before we met in person. we actually made plans before the video chat (i chose the restaurant 🙄) and the chat was a quick intro. within the first two minutes he told me he was recently separated from his wife, was taking sleeping meds and asked me if he could smoke cannabis while we talked. he was bald and negged me (i can't remember what exactly about), and i nearly hung up on him right away. i should have. stay safe.
Additionally, suggesting a video chat is it’s own vetting tool. If the guy refuses a video chat before meeting in person or just seems miffed about it, that’s a red flag in and of itself to me, and a reason to block and delete. He’s hiding something and hopes you’ll be too polite and subservient in person to say anything or leave the date.
You’ve made a lot of good points here. I always do at least some sort of screening beforehand, even if I have to get a bit dressed up above the waist. Before I did video calls or phone calls, I went on SO many dates where I knew *instantly* that I wasn’t going to see him again, but I was stuck for at least an hour and it was torture. Sometimes they looked exactly like their photos, but their voice was a dealbreaker and if I’d done at least a phone call beforehand I would’ve just given the “no chemistry” excuse. It’s not like I can tell a man “You sound like a gay man, sorry.”
If you really don’t want to do a video call beforehand then you don’t have to — it’s your call on whether it’s worth it or not, but you might consider at least doing a short phone call. I have just found that for me personally, I have saved A LOT of time and gas/Uber money by doing them before meeting.
I do it to make sure I'm gonna like the guy in person (sometimes pictures aren't as accurate as we wish to) and if he can hold a normal conversation. I try to make it short tho so I always have an excuse to leave. I'm no looking for a pen-pal either. Last time I did it I found out the guy was kinda chubby and not like I expected so I decided to not have a first date with him. It made me save time.
I always felt like it was such a burden to get ready for a video chat as well! I think it’s better than a phone call as a safety mechanism. At least you can confirm you aren’t being cat-fished.
I wouldn’t consider a video chat or a phone call a first, but rather a vibe check ( to see if and how you and the guy get along)
A video chat has the advantage that you can see if that guy truly looks like his profile picture. You can “get to know his personality” better cause some men sound better on text than they speak.
Lastly, you can see if HE makes any efforts to impress
If I was you I’d either schedule a video or phone call ( not longer than 35 minutes) and see from where thing go on.
At the end of the day, (in my opinion) he has to show initiative. If he doesn’t ask you out on a in person date which is up to your standards, delete his number, OLD etc
I wouldn't bother doing my hair or makeup for a video chat.
It's a vetting tool, to stop you wasting your time, and also safety.
It's a personal benefit to women for safety reasons.
Big fan of these. It’s saved me from going on quite a few awful dates with awful men . I recently posted about two: one wouldn’t let me talk . The other negged me. Another one about a year ago was clearly lying about his age and had the camera pointed at his massive gut.
I consider it a vibe check as well . Are they who they say they are? Do thru have a pleasing voice and demeanor? They can rule themselves out or in for an actual date by a video chat IMHO!
Yeah, if we live in the same area, it doesn't feel natural at all to me to talk on video before meeting. But maybe it's just me.