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What are some subtle red or yellow flags when it comes to a man's personal finances? I’m looking less for obvious signs (e.g., he's broke, he's cheap) and more for signs that a layperson wouldn't necessarily notice.
I am not a finance/accounting expert and would love to hear your thoughts, especially if you are a finance/accounting expert.
He doesn't have a monthly budget he sticks to and clear overview of his regular bills and expenses, how much "fun money" he has left every month, how much he saves for certain goals etc. etc. (even if you make enough money to cover everything that is absolute necessity)
He doesn't put a decent percentage of his income into savings/responsible investments every single month. Never be with a man who spends every single cent of his income every month, even if he makes a lot of money
He doesn't have a mid and long term financial plan and goals and he has no clear plan for his retirement or emergencies (illness, job loss etc.)
He has no clear financial boundaries with his family and friends. I will not be with a man who can't say no to his financially irresponsible friends and family members who leech off him.
A personal one: he has any kind of debt that is not a mortgage for a house/apartment that he can reasonably pay off. It may be cultural, but my stance is a clear "if you would need to take out a loan to buy it, you can't afford it and don't buy it. Period."
Doesn't have toilet paper but has bought many in game credits for whatever game he is into.
My expertise is not finance/accounting but these are my personal financial red flags 🚩 (just off the top of my head):
He doesn’t spend his money wisely (e.g. investing in you to the point of bankruptcy- those fancy dinners won’t last and you’ll be expected to pick up the slack!!).
He doesn’t consider you when making financial decisions.
He wants to control or have full access to your finances.
He doesn’t support or encourage you to develop financial literacy.
He gets threatened by, or wants to benefit (leech) off your financial success.
He assumes entitlement to your rewards, bonuses, inheritance, etc.
Gambling and overspending problems.
He brags about his money 🤢 or speaks about financial stuff as though you would be too dumb to understand.
I’m a finance person, and I represent business owner clients, who are mostly men. I’m in the Midwest, so I can only speak about people here. So, I don’t know any Wall Street finance bros.
The men I know who have money, are very low key. They live quiet lives, don’t drive fancy cars, and never brag about money. They work hard, take reasonable vacations and support their families. They usually do their own home maintenance. They have zero or very little debt, and are worth $$ millions. They have simple tastes (not jetting off to Vegas or Cabo every year). Their businesses aren’t flashy or sexy (think steel beams, gear shops, manufacturers). I guess “quiet” is how I’d describe them, understated. They are the daily, reliable, show up and get it done, men.
I do have one client with a ton of money, but he’s also a little bit psycho. He’s loud, talks about his money, gets married every few years (seriously!) and is generally unreliable and intense. He owns several houses and is a classic dude bro who runs a dude bro company. His company has been sued for sexual harassment, and he himself is a felon who did time for fraud. He spends every penny he makes and will likely be bankrupt in a few years…that’s just his personality. Then he’ll make all the money back again (he’s very smart), but the roller coaster is insane.
Poor men usually have addictions (even if it’s just caffeine or smoking), are unreliable, sick a lot (I don’t know why?), have flammable tempers, and are slaves to personal pleasure. This combo means they bleed money and can’t keep good jobs.
Consistent hard work over time is what creates wealth. Steadiness. It’s almost boring, like watching paint dry.
Caveat: Some men inherit their wealth, or score lucrative jobs because of family. They can be extremely unstable, adulterers, addicts and full of drama. Be careful with these.
TLDR: wealthy men (and future wealthy men) are understated and have control over their lives. They are drama free, with no addictions or bad habits, and they work steadily. They do not brag, but you’ll feel their stability and good sense.
If he doesn't do his taxes every year, run in the opposite direction. He's either committing tax fraud by skipping out on his taxes, or he doesn't make enough money per year to be allowed to file. Either way, it's not good. I guess the one exception would be if he's young and still a dependent on his parents' taxes, but by the time a man is 20 or so this should no longer be happening.
Seconding the commenter who said if he doesn't have toilet paper. That's a really bad sign.
If he asks you to borrow money, even once. Deborrah Cooper from Surviving Dating said once that a man, if he's struggling, might ask another man for money, but he should not be asking his girlfriend, because men who are mature and about their business will be wanting to provide for their girlfriend, not mooching off her.
If he doesn't have a bedframe.
If his living situation is questionable. A man in his 40s shouldn't be so broke that he has to live with five roommates.
If he has a kid and isn't paying child support. Either he's working under the table in order to avoid paying, or the mother of his kid is "doing just fine without it" which means he's fine not helping which is bad.
Goes into debt in order to impress other people. It's okay to live humbly while you work things out.