There was this woman I became friends with when I first bought my house. She's a few decades older, and she had ended up buying the house right next to mine, but didn't move in until I was already in mine. We started off as enemies, because the male neighbor tried to brainwash her, but they she figured out it's because he had hit on me and I'd made fun of him to his whole family in front of him. :D I used to give her money and food, and I'd come over and we'd cook together. Her boyfriend is a dumb dildo who committed crimes years ago, and can't move to the state with her, so she had to move back with him. He gives her money, but she disclosed to me that he's called her a w**** and s*** before (probably just because she's with him, even). As soon as she told me that, I hated his guts. Now she's with him taking care of him after he got pneumonia, and he's STILL arguing with her nonstop, when he'd probably be kicked out for not being able to pay rent without her. I hope she just leaves him. I'm not telling her to. There is this whole phase women have, where if you tell us to leave our partners who are abusive, we often just blame all the friends trying to warn us. It doesn't last long, because we eventually get on our feet and realize that women don't actually sabotage women like that, but that destroys friendships. She said she wants to leave, and I'm trying so hard to stay neutral, even though that'd be best for her.
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If he doesn't die in the hospital, he'll be back in her house.
One glaring problem nobody else has pointed out:
What are you doing in your pickme neighbor's house, cooking with/for her? You're putting yourself in a living space with a man who 1) is a criminal and 2) has expressed sexual interest in you while openly dating her.
Hopefully, nobody on this forum needs to be told criminal + sexual interest in you = violence in which YOU are the victim. It's not an exaggeration to say you might end up dead.
Get the fuck out of your neighbor's house, and stay the fuck out. And keep your distance from her and her criminal abuser.
There was a great podcast about this, about how to undermine a relationship so the woman thinks it's her idea to leave. Sorry I can't remember which one. You're right to dislike him, and you're right to side with her, and even more points for getting her on board as a friend.
Now for many short discussions, with questions that chip away at their unstable foundation. I'm not sure how to do this, and I hope other FDS queens weigh in, but I do know it's about pointing out less-than-optimal behavior in a very indirect way, and asking questions that make her see things from another point of view, and get her to question what she wants, what she puts up with, and his entire demeanor. Hope someone can help with this. Best of luck.
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