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On my last post I posted a part of my struggles that I have to deal with on a daily basis. It's a possibility that I might have ADHD and if so, after years of begging and telling my mother that I have felt that something was off with me and her denying that I'm perfectly fine, that psychiatrist will only send me a bunch of pills that will leave me emotionless and I will become addicted to them....I'm deciding to be put myself first and getting the help that I have needed for so long. I have my first appointment with a psychiatrist coming up and let me tell you...I'M TERRIFIED but happy. After reflecting for a while, I actually made a list of the things that I have noticed about myself but ignored. Hopefully this list can also help those who can also relate to me.
I tend to space out when I'm having a conversation with someone, even when I don't mean too.
I always want to rush everything
I'm never consistent with anything
I get bored constantly of things
I get distracted way too easily
When I'm studying, I will focus for a bit & then my mind goes somewhere else and when that happens, I force myself to focus again but then I end up doing the same thing all over again
When I was younger, my mom got told by teachers that I was too quiet and barely participated in class
Constantly overthinking and have too many racing thoughts on a daily that sometimes I feel like I can't control
I tend to talk super fast at times and if I want to explain something to someone, I end up not making any sense.
I have been called out at work multiple times for making careless mistakes when I don't do this on purpose
I tend to be very forgetful at times. I've forgotten my shoes at nail salons a couple of times, left personal belongings at ex house a million times, have locked myself from my room, etc.
Sometimes I tend to hyper focus and forget about everything else
I'm impulsive and end up regretting my actions. Ex: Spending money without thinking it through
I end up procrastinating and always have to rush when a task is due
I've been told I can get pretty moody
I have had low self esteem pretty much my whole life (I'm 25)
I've been on academic probation twice
If it helps you feel better about meds, I have two things: 1. Maggie above is spot on about stimulants. I’ve been on the same dose of adderall for 22 years. I’ve never been tempted to abuse it bc it just feels normal to me. It’s really hard to developed new habits and skills without it. After taking it for so long, most of my ruts have been repaired and I’ve been able to gain skills and routines so if I skip a dose of forget to refill it’s not such a big deal anymore. Which leads me to… 2. Antidepressants don’t have to be forever. Certain thoughts and habits that correlate with depression can become well worn pathways in your mind. Meds can act like a machete to clear a new path for you. I was deeply depressed due to a lifetime of untreated add and the stimulants + therapy couldn’t overcome my self esteem and other depressive issues. I continued therapy while taking Zoloft. I took it for a year and saturated tapering off at 9 months. It made it possible for me to be in the world in a different way. Once the new paths were forged it was easier to avoid the old ruts. I still struggle to express myself as clearly as I’d like but I think that’s just me and not the add! Meds aren’t forever. Also, the first one you try might not work. So don’t give up too soon. It’s the worst when you have to try a free bc it feels like it takes forever but the right meds absolutely changed my life for the better. Good luck, you are worth it.
I have ADHD and when a psychiatrist suggested stimulants when I was in my late 20s I got so mad and I quit seeing him. I already struggle to keep my weight up above 100, I was anxious, I couldn’t sleep well . . . I thought stimulants would be the worst thing for me.
I continued to struggle through life feeling chronically overwhelmed, getting hyperfocused and passionate about a new interest or hobby then suddenly not caring anymore, never finishing anything . . . I saw another psychiatrist who suggested stimulants again and I was so desperate to get a grip I tried them.
I noticed improvement on the first day. I finally hung the pictures on my walls after moving into my apartment 6 months before. I unpacked the last of the boxes. I slept so well because I wasn’t stressing out about stuff I needed to remember to do, or didn’t do, I stopped being late all the time because the time blindness went away and also because I wasn’t forgetting things I needed to leave with one thing at a time.
Everyone is different, but I started taking Adderall in 2005 and I have never ever felt addicted to it. When I had a high-pressure job where I was completely overworked I went up on my dose, but then when I found a better job I went back down, some days I don’t take it at all, there were some times where I didn’t take it for six months because I had moved I got new insurance. I skip days all the time if I don’t have to keep on top of anything or go anywhere. My symptoms will come right back, but I don’t have withdraws or anything.
Some people take it and they get really excited about it and they want to take it a lot all the time, and some people give themselves psychosis doing that, the good news is that when they stop taking the stimulants they stop being psychotic but you don’t want to go there. I have only seen that happen with people who abuse it though.
If they suggest meds, the good thing about ADHD stimulant meds is they either work right away or they don’t. So if you want to try them and they aren’t for you you will know right away. I also cut my first few pills in half because I was afraid.
There are non stimulant meds but I didn’t try those so I don’t know about those.
There’s and book called “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Crazy, or Stupid” by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo (from the 90s I think) that’s really good. Part of it helps you identify if the book is applicable to you, and the rest of it is organizational strategies and relationship strategies and tips to manage your life. I found it helpful.
https://youtu.be/lYD0Q4oMYXw