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I'm in my late 30s, and the more relationships I observe, the more it seems to me that it is improper for a man to be more sociable than his wife.
I don't know how to explain this, but I think in order for a heterosexual couple to have a stable, successful marriage, a man cannot desire more outside social stimulation than his wife does.
If a woman is more sociable than her husband, they can have a happy marriage. If a man is more sociable than his wife, it's much harder to have a happy marriage. In the latter type of relationship, the woman tends to seethe with resentment, either publicly or privately.
Has this been your observation as well? Feel free to discuss/disagree.
Again, these are just my observations, and yes, I know exceptions exist.
Fascinating perspective. From what I see, I think men & women use socializing differently. Women use socializing for genuine human connection. Men tend to use it for either ego or sex, often both-so it’s no wonder women seethe with resentment, you know?
I kind of get what you're saying. There's this idea in psychology that personalities can be broken down into 5 major traits (called Big 5). They are agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, neuroticism and extraversion. It has been theorized that the best partners out there are high in agreeableness and conscientousness and fairly low in neuroticism, for obvious reasons. But the interesting thing is that lower openness also correlates with higher relationship satisfaction. You'd think openness would be an important trait in a person but when it comes to a life partner, you actually seem to fare better with someone who won't look for the next shiny thing and is content with what they have. They are stable and cautious rather than super adventurous. FDS has always said that we shouldn't underestimate "boring" partners. Those are the ones who are willing to stay by your side even when things aren't exciting every day. Of course, they shouldn't be totally lethargic either. ETA: I can also back this up with personal experience, my ex was very outgoing and curious and suffered from enormous FOMO, which lead him to be interested in other women very frequently, whining about wanting an open relationship, chasing achievements for the sake of achieving, and desiring big changes quite often. My current boyfriend is friendly and sociable, but also somewhat reserved. I don't have to worry about him suddenly lusting after some female aquaintance, and I know he is able to be happy in the present instead of constantly assuming he'll be happier once he gets X, Y or Z.
Perhaps we have different ideas of what sociable means because I don't feel this way. I am a bit more shy and reserved myself, so I prefer a man who is more energetic socially. I feel much more comfortable and at ease when he is taking the lead conversationally and giving me something to bounce off of ( assuming that he takes the lead in a socially competent way). I have been on far too many dates with strong silent types and they are exhausting to get through. I need someone who has social energy. Additionally, I'm not on dating apps. So if he isn't sociable or friendly, I can't imagine how we would start talking because I'm not approaching him. I can't say that this strategy is working for me though, because I've never had a relationship. 😂 but I guess I would ask as well, what kind of social stimulation is the man wanting? I would want my guy to have strong male friendships who have good core values. If he enjoys doing constructive activities ( ie. playing golf, carpentry) with the boys I don't see a problem as long as he is not neglecting responsibilities to engage in these activities.
I don't know but introverted men are VASTLY preferable to me than extroverted ones. I'm an extrovert and the idea of him being more extroverted turns me off 🤷🏻♀️
I get what you're saying, but I also kind of disagree. Personally, I'd like to be in a relationship with someone who's more sociable than me. I have autism, so it takes a really, really long time for me to feel comfortable conversing with others. Most of my conversational skills are copied from other people so I fare much better when I have people around me who I can imitate.
But I also don't want to be with someone who's much more extroverted than me, because I get drained pretty quickly by constant social interaction.
HVMs should be able to socialise and not hit on women and not associate with LVMs.
But the socialising should come at a level that the woman is comfortable with.
He shouldn't be abandoning her every night to go fishing with his buddies...
Every woman has different standards.
I think if a husband/boyfriend doesn't mention their partner, big blaring red flag.
Some people are introverted, some people are extroverted