How much imperfection can we allow in a partner before we leave a relationship?

I think this is a highly individual thing. A good general boundary for me would be that he is aware of his imperfections/quirks and tries his very best not to make them my problem. Because that's where most of the issues begin: men making their own imperfections their partner's problem and not giving a fuck about how much they affect their partner. That's where disrespect starts.

I'm also on the spectrum and there are certain quirks/imperfections that would not be a big deal to me (e.g. a certain level of picky eating as long as he doesn't make it my problem, needing alone time or prefering to adhere to a set schedule or order of doing things) but might be dealbreakers to neurotypical women, while other things would be absolute dealbreakers to me that would seem tiny to other women.

these are my tips: red flags aren't simple imperfections. they are dangerous. so if you spot one, run. there is nothing to accept there.

incompatibility aren't imperfections either. they are personality treats, habits and life goals. they might become a problem depending on what you want in life and what is important for you, but they aren't dangerous. in this case, think long term. say you two hit if off and get along and have great chemistry, but he wants to live in a small town in the countryside and you are a big city woman. ask yourself 'how important is living in the big city to me? am i completely against living in a small town or could i maybe try it out? is he ok with living in a big city?' in other words: know your non-negotiables and stick o them.

once you are in a serious relationship, it's normal that people get too comfortable and the little things start to be annoying. how is your communication? does he listen to you when you talk about something that is bothering you? are you the only person who seems to care about the relationship? are his gifts lazy? does he even remember important dates for you as a couple? is he by your side when you are sick or vulnerable?

in summary: is he disrespecting you?

does he keep disrespecting you once you've made it known to him?

of both answers are 'yes', dump him.

I think it's when he does the same mistakes over and over again. That's when I know he doesn't respect me. But maybe it's already too late.

I only tolerate small inconveniences or mistakes that can be solved on the same day.

When I ask you to bring strawberry cake and you come with Black Forest cake then it’s forgiven.

But If I arrived late because of you, you embarrassed me in front of others. You’re not making my life easier. You get on my nerves at a party. You bring me nothing for my birthday day or Christmas you can go.

With other words, you pissed me off so bad that my whole day is ruined, You annoy me so much that I don’t feel safe having you come with me next time, you hurt my feelings and I need to blink tears away then I’m done.

No I don’t forgive.

I would say not picking up after himself, expecting a Woman to clean up after him. I think women should end it their. Women shouldn’t be making excuses for Men at All.

Disrespect, laziness, bad hygiene, no will to self improve is all instant dumping.

I think this will be different for everyone, which is why you need a strong list of your own boundaries, standards, and deal breakers/red flags. All three of these things are your non-negotiables in a relationship and should be iron-clad for you.

If you haven't done it yet, make actual lists for each of these things and make them long. I have mine in a notebook somewhere and I can tell you that just getting them on paper is a great exercise for yourself and is very meditative about what you will/will not accept. You'll find more answers about yourself and your needs and get a lot of clarity about your question by doing this.

Editing to add: get as small and detailed as you can. It's your list and the details matter.

This is hard because I feel almost anything "little imperfection" is deliberate mistreatment from men because I don't trust them.

I suppose if he wouldn't be reprimanded for it at work then it's safe to assume it's a genuine mistake (and not a massive error with negative consequences). If it becomes a pattern though with no sign of improvement, I'm tolerating that. It starts with that one inch and becomes a mile. He can pack up his desk and go foil some other company who doesn't know what's good for them.