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I live in the U.S., where a woman cannot make the automatic assumption that a man will pay for dates or provide financial support, even if she marries him.
How can I let the men I date know that I expect them to pay for all dates and at least some bills down the line (assuming we get into a relationship)?
I know Western and Northern European ladies have the same issue, since 50/50 culture is even stronger in those places than in the U.S.
How do you bring up the topic in the beginning so no one's time is wasted?
I would like to be tactful but crystal clear.
You don't. Don't bring it up. You should not have to bring it up. He either pays on his own without you having to tell him, or he is a scrote. If you're out with him and he doesn't pay, don't ever go out with him again.
Seconded about the not bringing it up. I understand that you'd want to establish 'The Rules' beforehand. But maybe see this as part of the vetting process? If he doesn't pay, on his own, without prompting, then he's broke, cheap or not that into you. Do you really want any of that?
Boundaries are not rules that you can make other people follow. They're about what you are willing to tolerate. A man doesn't display generosity and provider mindset? You bounce. He does not pass Go, he does not collect another date. That's all there is to it. As for what to say when he springs 50/50 on you during the date, there have been other threads about this already. But no matter your response, you still B&D because you're not trying to "make" him pay, you're just weeding out every man who doesn't. ETA: yes, that will rule out many men, but you want the one who is proactive, not the many who will be compliant to your wishes for a while but will inevitably fall off the bandwagon.
I think the difficulty here is that if you just observe his behavior on dates, he may expect that he pays in the beginning to court you, but when you are married he still expects the household expenses to be shared. I think the vetting for a full financial provider includes observing his education and career trajectory, work ethic, ambition, and crucially his values and mindset. I would definitely not assume that just because a man pays for dates for a few months, that he is prepared to financially provide for me for life.
I told a guy this outright and while he paid for everything, he obviously resented it and was constantly asking me "Why do you think men should pay?" as like a philosophical question. So best not to state it, just find someone that does it automatically.