Friends and TV

I completely relate. It's such a waste of time and if I wanted to stare at the TV and not talk to anyone I could have just stayed home. No reason to visit a friend for that. I usually take the proposition to turn on the TV as a cue to leave because we have obviously run out of other things to do.

I get meeting to watch a specific movie or show you are both interested in together and discuss it afterwards, like a movie date without actually going to the movies, but watching random stuff or just putting it on as background noise and then not engage with your guest? Why?!

Hi, I don't usually comment but I felt compelled to write on here, because I really relate to this post. I hardly watch TV and I don't have any social media even though I'm 22, and those things are very common for my generation. I love to knit, crochet, go for walks, explore my city, and many other things. There is so much more to life than TV. I've had the same issue of people wanting to just spend all of our "quality time" simply staring at a TV silently. you aren't alone, and there are other people out there like us.

In my experience, I live in the southern USA and people in the country seem to be more inclined to get out into nature and away from screens. This is a big generalization, it will depend on the person. For me, I just give potential friends my number and am honest about having no socials. And if they are cool with that and we get along well, then it's great. Also I like to meet people at hobby events and activities, because those people tend to be less sedentary and sometimes share similar interests and values to myself. I also like to keep hang outs brief, once they start to get bored and want to put on the TV, that's when I make an excuse and politely leave. Other people need to feel like my time is valuable, and so I won't sit around watching tv with them when I have other things I can be doing.

I don't think this is even normal for people like me who do watch TV?

When I watch TV with a friend, it's only because there's a particular movie or show we both really want to watch together. We would get all excited and have discussions about the thing we're watching.

If there's something I want to watch that bores my friend to tears, I watch it by myself on my own time instead of making her sit through it with me.

We don't usually turn the TV on aimlessly - but if we do, we pick out something we both want to watch. We tell each other about stuff we want to watch, but we would move on to something else if one of us is not into it.

At this point my friend and I have a long list of stuff we want to watch together that we haven't had time to get around to yet. But we still make time to remind each other "hey, we've been couch-potatoing too much, let's go do something more active."

That's what a well-balanced friendship looks like. TV or no TV, it's so strange for this friend to push for "we have to do this thing only I want to do" and apparently not care that you want to do something else, when you already straight-up told her.

This reminded me of a friend years ago trying to set me up with a guy who kept making TV references I wasn't getting. I think he was trying to be funny? But eventually he said in frustration, "You're killing me here!" because every show he mentioned, I didn't watch. All I can think was, "Oh my God, can we talk about anything besides TV to get to know each other??"

But anyway, when I was younger, 20s or so, and I had guests, I'd put on the TV for background. That being said, we never actually watched it. We'd always talk over it, but rarely glance at it. I think it's strange that it would be the focus of a social get-together if that wasn't the intention.

Maybe you could try just going home if your friends turn on the TV around you? It might seem harsh but sometimes fds principles can help with friendships too. You wouldn't hang out on a date with a guy who was just looking at a screen. You can calmly say you don't want to watch TV and leave. If your friends really want to hang out with you, that might make them realize what they're doing and snap out of it. I don't know. If you try that, I'd be curious to hear how it goes.

I have totally given up on TV. Every now and then there's something that interests me, and I'll download it to watch, but it takes me MONTHS to finish a series now because I only watch TV when I am working on my embroidery or when with family (my dad is a huge movie buff). I just don't have time to waste sitting on my ass in front of the idiot box. Plus I tend to fall asleep when I stop moving so even if I try to sit down and watch something it has to keep me interested enough to stay awake and that is super rare.

I’ve never watched TV with a friend or had one suggest it but it was a contributing factor in the end of my last relationship. At first we did lots of things and talked but putting the TV on became his automatic instinct. He became so boring!

Just know that you are not alone. I have never paid for cable in my adult life because I only need a TV for occasional(!) Netflix and gaming and both of those activities I tend to do alone anyway, unless maybe the other person explicitly likes the same show/game. I prefer just talking, doing crafts together, cooking together, and I recently got into board games. Even if I do watch stuff with someone else it's to talk about the thing we watch, I couldn't sit in complete silence next to someone. Why even bother meeting if you're not interacting? That said, maybe your friend has a different social battery than you do and switches to TV because she needs downtime but doesn't want to send you away. Maybe it would help to limit the time you spend together. I say this because some people, even though I like them, drain my social energy quicker than others so I can't really give them my full attention longer than maybe 2 hours.

I have never watched TV with a friend. Normally all I do with my female friends is talk, talk, talk--we love it! Talk, eat, drink coffee, talk more, maybe go to a spa or the beach.

Maybe it depends on where you live and the culture there? Maybe join a book club :)

This cannot be normal because literally none of my friends and I 'engage' in this manner. The only exception is when we've both made excited plans to watch a movie or tv show together. And even then, we DO NOT watch silently side by side. That sounds boring. We both have a habit of frequently pausing the show to just rant, rave or point out something that one of us found really cool or interesting. The whole point of watching TV together is to deepen our friendship by engaging with the media in an active manner.

Most of the time, we either chat for hours, OR we engage in some kind of activity like a game or a puzzle project, or both XD

The only time I turn on the TV to watch it silently while in company is when I actively DO NOT WANT to engage with the person I'm with... like with a relative who is being a little too intrusive or obnoxious. In those cases, it's pretty clear that I've turned on the TV because I do not want to continue the conversation.

If a 'friend' did that to me... I'd assume that the friendship is in trouble, OR that person is actually not a friend at all, but merely an acquiantaince.

Ugh I find TV deadly boring too. And I dated a guy who was obsessed with it - he clearly needed a personality transplant because he would tell me all the details of the show. If I cared enough I would have watched it myself.

My friend came over the other day and we had tea, some snacks and just chatted the afternoon away. It felt natural and comfortable. At no point did I have the urge to put the idiot box on.

tell them you hate TV from the get go. like, you've just made a new friend, let her know you hate TV. and also let her know what you actually like.

as to the already existing friend, i would talk to her and say "hey, i like your company, talking to you and all, but i don't like TV. can we please do something else next time we hang out? i have tons of ideas" - and then tell her your ideas. i think it's important to try and find a common ground, stuff you both like. if she trully cares about you, she'll agree to ditch the TV when you're together.

Ugh, relatable! I actually don't have a couch in my apartment (for many reasons such as space prioritization and because my cat would rip it up) so my friends hate coming over to my place. When I'm at their place, they will have the tv on and their guests all sit on the couch in front of it, most definitely all on their phones as well. When I watch tv, it's usually while I cook or clean or workout, so I rarely watch anything that requires my attention and focus to know what's going on. But most times, I prefer listening to music. I understand the "wanting background noise" aspect of having something on, but I find it strange your friend was opposed to putting on music instead, especially after you suggested it. If I were hosting people, I'd want to make them as comfortable as possible and would put on music right away if it meant making them feel more relaxed and at home.

Could you invite her to your home instead? Or if you go to her home, could you bring a board game or a puzzle, or something? Maybe suggest making dessert together? Are either of you crafty? You could come up with an activity like that, cookie decorating maybe? Just anything to kinda keep busy while you chat. It seems like she wants to have something to anchor her attention while socializing, but tv isnt the right thing if it completely takes over her attention.

That’s odd. I only watch TV with friends if we both want to watch a movie or a show. We never turn it on if we are talking and hanging out. Most of the time we talk for hours and have a great time, eat, chat, talk about life, career, work, mental health, etc. I personally wouldn’t want to hangout with people like this again. My dad does this sometimes. He always has a soccer game or the news in the background. When I go to my parents house, I just turn it off.

I had a friend like this but turns out it’s because she grew up with nothing else. Your friend might be the same. My friend’s parents never helped her gain any hobbies or socialise so after school all she did was watch TV or sleep. I think it even became a reliance/addiction, as if she couldn't even sit in silence and needed the TV as noise or a distraction. It was difficult to be her friend as I had a vastly opposite upbringing, but her mother was persistent since her daughter had no friends. We found a happy medium by keeping our hang outs simple, but now as adults we are completely incompatible! She became my most frustrating, lazy, incompetent and neglectful friend... and it's sad to admit because she doesn't see it at all. Hopefully this isn't the case for you, OP. In hindsight, set boundaries early and only see this friend outside the home or only when there's planned activities.

I'm a Gen X'er. I got rid of TV in 2010. But back then TV was still pretty much cable, although internet existed, but apps weren't a thing yet, we didn't have as much options for shows as we do now. I had one laptop if I wanted to get on the internet. But I have lived without cable TV for 13 years. Although now computers ARE TV so it's harder to avoid.