Your boundaries with HVM partner and other women (texting and social media)

 I tell my man, I am not jealous until I have a reason and giving me one isn't a great idea lol. HVM know where the line is. So do scrotes they just hate us. He has a problem with following/hearting any women online. So much that he wanted to come on here and tell you ladies that it's sus when men do that and you have the right not to want that but I told him FDS is women only and he understands. He doesn't use social media except for a bit of reddit but the wholesome side of it (mostly cute animals). He doesn't chat privately on there and he stands up for women and children even if it doesn't always make him popular. My point is, a HVM wont do most of that anyway and if he does he is by definition a scrote.

I think this is one of those occasions where you folow your instincts. If a man is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable or disrespected e.g. regularly texting a woman from work, then pay attention to that. Personally I would not be happy with a man having lots of female friends, regularly texting other women in my presence or following lots of women on instagram.

The best men I know are not on social media so I definitely wouldn't want to be with someone who is obsessed with IG.

Only work related on work phone or some work related issue I don’t see why there is a need to text someone a woman back and forth if they are sharing jokes and memes iam out !

I agree with the others regarding social media and would add that for me personally excessive social media use (e.g. posting daily, following strange women who post thirst traps etc.) would be a dealbreaker in general.

Regarding the texting part: I just looked at the texts I exchanged with men who were not family or dates in the past for fun and for me harmless texts are all in the following categories:

• normal social etiquette (saying happy birthday, happy holidays, get well soon, sorry for your loss, congratulating to a success or achievement etc.)

• planning and organizing private things (planning an event in a friend group, charity or hobby group, borrowing a tool, asking for practical help or advice or a recommendation, alerting someone to something that may be important to them...)

• planning and organizing work related things or professional networking

That's it. It was all related to a practical purpose or specific occasion. I'd be fine with that level of contact. Long, emotional conversations and emotional intimacy... that would make me wary.

Preface: I do nothing to "enforce" these standards, a man who doesn't fulfill them is simply not for me. I don't believe in controlling or monitoring a partner's communication. If he wants to be sneaky, he will be, no matter what I do. I just observe how he handles media and communication. That said, to answer the questions in order:

1. I'm fine with texting that has a clear purpose, a mere transaction of information. If he regularly chats up other women (who are not his family) just to talk, I'd be suspicious.

2. I like it when he sends daily texts to remind me he's thinking of me, but I don't need nor want full-on conversations over text every day. My bf does send me at least one “hello my darling” or “I'm so grateful for you” text every day.

3. I do like deep conversations over text because I find it easier to organize my thoughts, but it's not a requirement and I don't want to have these conversations over text only. Also, some conversations are best had face to face. I would never have an argument over text, for example.

4. Family and maybe content creators as long as the content is strictly non-sexual. For friends / aquaintances, it's a case by case thing.

5. I wouldn't want him to be too active on any social media platform. Dealbreakers are obviously things like OnlyFans. Other platforms that would earn him serious side-eye are TikTok, Snapchat and Reddit. I would also drop him if he ever used a dating app in the past.

6. No.

7. He shouldn't live his life online, and be mindful of what he consumes. He should actively avoid content that objectifies and sexualizes women.

8. Anything that violates the previously stated things.

My partner fulfills all these things for me, as in he has very few social media accounts, doesn't visit "problematic" platforms, doesn't post anything, only follows cute or funny meme/animal pages, always texts the same few people (family, two to three male friends, and me), doesn't seek out contact to other women in any capacity, and texts/calls me with satisfying frequency. Of course he could be hiding stuff from me but I don't have reason to assume he does.

ETA: I feel that a good litmus test for whether a man is the kind to follow thirst traps and be inappropriate with women is how he observes and comments on women in your presence. Does he seem very focused on what their bodies look like, what they wear, say and do? Does he make it known that he finds celebrity XYZ attractive? Does he assume women do stuff for male attention and approval? Does he talk about other women (outside of family) often? If you can answer yes to any of those questions, it's likely he's doing shady shit online too.

Like Toucan Sam follows his nose, we should follow our gut when we think a man is not hugh value. Your body is telling you the truth. It knows how you feel in reaction to his actions. The brain will try an rationalize, but you usually know what's right.

A HVM should be respectful of you, his partner. It's natural to to enjoy seeing attractive people, but numerous studies show that actively consuming media with extremely attractive people is the seed for partner dissatisfaction: aka limp noodle dick. If he spends his time ogling other women with you and you don't love it, he's LVM, leave!