"You missed your chance for a good one". True?

Finding a decent guy has always been a matter of luck.

Those women are wrong and just using your situation to bolster themselves so they can feel smug about their shitty relationships. Bet none of them are married to a HVM you'd want.

I know a decent 60-something y.o. guy who is looking for a long term relationship and has never been married and has no kids. They are out there. It's just luck and circumstance.

If you want to opt out of online dating, that's totally your call and I'm sure many here on FDS would agree with you. However it's very unfair of your relatives to say that you "should have tried harder when you were younger". Firstly, I'm sure that you did try and also, that kind of talk is unhelpful and unproductive. Like you say, you can't go back in time and change what's happened. Maybe try politely pointing that out to your family the next time they say that. If they still keep saying it, you might want to start limiting contact with those people because it's clear from your post that their negativity is dragging you down. Please be kind to yourself.

Sis, you didn't have FDS when you were younger. Perhaps the fact that you didn't "put yourself out there" saved you from an even more terrible, even more abusive loser.

You are armed with FDS now. And you are vetting.

I am sorry that you are going through this rough reflection.

I know a woman, she was the baby mama of a drug dealer when she was in her early 20s. By the time she was 25 they were broken up and she was living in poverty raising her two kids. After a few years she got herself together, went back to school, was offered a job and moved cross-country. She was in her late 30s at this point, I think she really thought she missed her chance. But she was set up on a blind date with a guy who was 5 years younger than her, never married, no kids.

After two years of dating they got married, bought a house, and at 41 she had a sweet little baby girl.

I've known this woman since we were kids. I would have never imagined this would be her life's trajectory, both the ups and downs.

All this to say, you never know what's right around the corner. Don't ever count yourself out.

I’m a divorced single mum in my forties (maximum pariah points?) and while I found OLD deeply disappointing, I’m not disheartened with dating on the whole. I simply found where my person is not. I’m a romantic at heart and while the world is awash with scrotes… I’m only looking for one man. With the millions around, the odds still feel ok to me.

There’s limited value in thinking about the past (excluding the occasional reflection with a therapist) and I’ve no time for anyone who wants to try and make mine relevant to my present or future. I’m looking at life with the cards I have right now. I’m not actively dating because the idea doesn’t bring me joy but I am open to it as and when a man comes along.

I’d no more take to heart old women’s views on modern dating than I would their views on careers. They have a wealth of advice worth noting but they have lived different lives. What they had to put up with has us going straight to HR today so why would we think their experience of love was still accurate (if it ever was)?

Trust me, the young men aren’t doing any better. I’m 24 and every guy I meet and have met are LV in one way or another. I think searching for a man is pointless tbh.

Older women can be so sadistic to younger women

It's a pattern I've noticed: older women bringing younger women down to feel good about themselves

I often wonder this too. If “all the good men are gone.” Out of the millions of single men in my country, it’s pretty much impossible that *all* of the good ones are married though. There could be HVM out there who are just as picky (rightfully so) as we are and they are struggling just as much as we are trying to find the right woman. You never know. I have found that it doesn’t help to dwell on it even though I understand it’s hard not to.

After my uncle passed away, my aunt, then in her 60s, found a younger man and they’ve been together for almost ten years. I’ve never met him, but my uncle was an incredible HVM so I know my aunt has high standards. She admits my uncle was the love of her life, but I’m glad she was able to find someone.

People find love at all ages. You just have to keep working on yourself, as cliche as it sounds. Also these relatives of yours sound toxic as hell and if I’d had relatives telling me such hurtful and unhelpful things, I would cut them out of my life. Sounds like they are unhappy people and looking for someone to use to bring themselves up.

I wouldn't say you missed your chance. Although it does feel like all the good ones are taken the older you get.

Not all hvm marry young. Some May want to focus on education and get their career going before they seriously date.

Some might have married young and grew apart so they divorce, or maybe sadly their wife passed away.

Not all hvm are compatible with every woman!

I can't tell you if you'll find him OLD. Most don't find a hvm this way. But I'm sure it's possible. The only other way to meet men is to get out there and be more social. But remember just because you met him in a more natural way it doesn't mean he can't be lv.

I know this doesn't take away the pain or the loneliness, but one of the core principles of FDS is that it is better to be alone than married to a scrote. As women, we are made to feel less than if we don't have that diamond. But many of the women with the diamond are miserable. It would be awesome if men chose to level up and give us more options in the dating pool, but here we are. It is not in our control if we meet a HVM even if we are in our 20s. I'm an FDSer in my 20s and the dating pool still feels grim. I have control over some aspects of my life. I can avoid marrying, dating, and generally giving my time to scrotes. I can love myself and find friends who loves me well. But even 20s women can't magic a HVM out of thin air. I agree with other posters that a lot of meeting a HVM is pure luck. You don't find a needle in a haystack because you are smarter or better than the others also looking in the same haystack.

I know two women who found love after 40, so it's absolutely possible. Both have been with their new partners for 10+ years and are still happy. Both guys spoil them and work on their dreams (one couple adopted a girl, the other built a house). I am happy for them every time I see them. Honestly those relationships are more inspiring and wholesome to me than most of the relationships I see in people my age (late 20s) lol.

i think dating requires a higher level of skill + precision the older a woman gets. i also believe that a woman must come as close to embodying what she wants as possible--this is analagous to the FS "Level Up" strategy we all hear on this platform. work on yourself. give everything you desire to yourself. and de-center men. it's a practice, like weightlifting, and you might have to do it over and over again...and some days you might be stronger at it than others.

good luck.

Yeah I get that smug attitude from a lot of women who've lucked out early on with a partner who was tolerable/didn't leave them (or rather, I should say a high proportion of women like this, because I only know like 3 in this situation).

It's also sad because I know a lot of women who dated super monogamously and in a committed way, avoided hookup culture etc. in college and then got dumped in their 30s by their partners. Those women practiced all the virtuous dating behaviours and in return they had these easy dating years robbed from them.

Shut out the noise.

Yes, there is a patriarchal narrative that because you're unmarried at a certain age, you've missed the boat. This narrative is false.

How do I know? I just take a look outside. For reference, I am in my late 30s, live in the U.S., and have never been married. I don't know how old you are.

I see all the women who married in their 20s or teens. Of those who are still married, not one of them has a husband I would have wanted at any point in my 20s or now. LVM will usually remain LV because society coddles men, and there's little incentive for LVM to improve themselves, especially once they're married.

In other words, there was no damn boat for you to miss.

I will say, however, that given most women's desperation to get married by age 30 (due to patriarchal conditioning), most LVM who want marriage and who are not overtly creepy or violent will find wives in their 20s or early 30s. This means the most obviously creepy and violent men will be left over in their late 30s. These are the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel scum of society.

So yes, it does seem that the overall quality of single men in their mid-30s and beyond is lower than that of single men in their 20s. But the vast majority of men in their 20s are still LV. It's diarrhea versus shit. As you said, most likely, all you missed out on was marrying an abusive loser.

NO..all we missed were the males who only value youth in order to use us for our resources.

I am in a similar boat. I never married, and with hindsight it feel like I should have tried to pin down a guy while I was still in school.

But I try not to lose hope. I expect divorced men are trickling back into the market, and some of them are hopefully high value. Some of them maybe married too young, are the wiser for their experience, and now have a better understanding of what they need and how women should be treated.

1 They exist, but the older the smaller percentage. Makes sense to focus on younger guys.

2 Even tinier percentage on dating apps. Return on investment is dismal.