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I already told her that I wouldn’t feel comfortable with knowing that, even if he never did it again. She’s an ex sex worker and asked me if it was hypocritical to not date men who have bought sex before if she hopes men will date her despite having sold it in the past. I told her that there are men who would ruthlessly judge her due to the patriarchy and unashamedly cast her aside so there is nothing wrong with women being turned off by the very men who create the demand for the sex industry.
I also said I felt it was far different because she was the one being exploited, he was the one who bought a woman/rented her body to be exploited. Therefore I just think what he did in the past is much worse.
I know the guy too and he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would need to purchase sex. He said it was a few times when he was younger, in a different country playing pro basketball, and all his guy friends just wanted sex without the effort… also said he paid for a happy ending massage. He expressed remorse and guilt, said he learned about why it was wrong.
Even though he isn’t my man, it gives me the ick to hear about… maybe I just think my friend could do better and that men will always have some misogyny implanted if they bought sex before. I don’t know if I’m thinking too much.
edit; I never ever shame her and always reassure her not to look down on herself for being groomed into SW like so many women are subjected to.
I personally wouldn’t be ok with this at all. This is not just a red flag but a deal breaker for me. However, if any man knows her past, they might call her hypocritical since she is an ex sex worker. I think your friend will be in a very tough place because I worry any man knowing her history will think she is open to aggressive, abusive sex or is ok to be disrespected/degraded. If she wants to start a new life with a clean slate, she needs to set her deal breakers and standards. She needs to vet very hard! I hope she chooses someone who will love her and treat her well ♥️
It would be a deal breaker for me also. Plus I don't think ex-sex workers should have to reveal their past to men. They did what they did, probably out of necessity and it is none of the man's business.
Absolutely not.
No. The inside of a woman's body is not a place of business. When anyone buys sex it tells me very clearly that what sex means to them and to me are very different things. You cannot place a monetary value on sexual consent either.
No, because doing so is LV behavior. Someone who demonstrates no/low effort behaviour for themselves is not someone who is going to show any/high effort for you.
I don't think it's hypocritical for an ex sex worker to refuse to date former johns.
Women participating in prostitution: Groomed into it by society or a pimp, suffer sexual abuse from johns and pimps, just trying to survive and make money.
Men participating in prostitution: Believe consent can be bought. Don't see themselves as rapists. Inflicting sexual abuse on women. Don't see any issue with women "making money off of what their body can offer"
There's a huge power difference and different beliefs involved.. I'd rather have a guy who's never participated and is a little grossed out by prostitution and porn but hasn't really thought too hard about why he feels that way.
I don't think you can go from seeing some women as an object you can buy to seeing them all as people, there's some kind of mental disconnect he had to have there to even go through with it. The good guys I know are disgusted by it and wouldn't even be able to be turned on by a woman who wasn't enjoying it. To me, it shows they view sex as an action to be done to someone rather than a mutual act. He was already an adult when he did it. Those are some deep rooted views.
He should be in jail for what he did no matter how guilty he feels about it now. All his victims deserve justice.
thats a hard no
She shouldn't feel bad for being an ex sex worker, if she is uncomfortable with it still so what, she has good reason to be. Being an ex sex worker doesn't invalidate her opinion about it, it does the opposite because she has been in that industry herself. Also, sex workers do not deserve disrespect (although they get it, often from the men who take part in the sex industry), but buyers absolutely deserve disrespect. If she dates a man like that knowing he has a past like that she's not comfortable with it will likely cause problems in the relationship anyway. It's easy to wonder if he would be the type of married man easily seduced by other women.
I don’t have a clear answer on this, just wanted to comment here to say I think this is a great discussion-starter on how to judge a man as LV vs HV based on their past experiences and mistakes. It’s tricky, because many of us have made our own mistakes, LV/pickme behaviours. I guess it depends on the specific action, too. Not sure if i’d feel comfortable dating a man who’s previously paid for a prostitute. But at the same time, some people get caught up in the wrong crowd or were peer pressured to do LV things, then they regret it and learn their lesson. Humans make mistakes, yet at the same time a lot of men NEVER change.
No Johns. No sex buyers. I'm a keen supporter of the Nordic Model, where the sex buyer is punished but the prostitute is not. I understand that prostitution can't be restarted without eradicating poverty. Men support poverty especially for women and thrive in a world where women are banned from positions of power and make less than men for same work.
Vetting a man means inquiring about this as well. Gambling and going to strip clubs alcoholism, drug addictions and porn addictions are a NO my book.
Do not lower your standards. If he's been to prostitutes, he's not the one. Drop the scrote.
It doesn't matter what your friend's past was, she can have whatever standard suits her. If anything, she knows how johns behave and that's a justified turn off. Paying for prostitutes is a no for me. He can take care of his urges using his hand.
Would that dude be fine with the fact that she was a sex worker in the past? Probably not...these men would still slut shame & judge the woman in their minds (thanks to their maddona-whore complex) even tho these sex workers are the victims they still wouldn't get sympathy from men...so why should we be accepting of a man buying a sex worker...let alone a man who victimized women
Never.
No.
why did she choose to be a prosti in the first place?
And no, he is a worthless piece of shit and you should treat him like one, he just uses the right words to not scare her away from him, he just views her as a free fuck I bet.
There are men who never rent a prosti and (atleast claim in comment section) would get turned off by a woman not wanting them, yet her johnny friend rented some?
No. and I have a complete double standard here, where the woman selling it needs to be saved, loved, and rehabilitated.
I am with you on the ick, I would see him differently knowing that.