Why should women in their mid-late 20’s avoid age gap relationships ?

One ex was 8 years older. He fetishized my youth and size (I'm small) and in my pickme days I took this as a compliment, but now I see it for what it is: disgusting and depraved. Another ex was 16 years older. He lied to me about his age (we met online) and didn't tell me the truth until 3 months into the relationship, and only then because he was worried I'd find out by seeing his passport, not because he wanted to be honest. I asked him once if he was willing to date someone 16 years older than himself and he looked really confused, as though he just couldn't get his head around it.

Men have more social power than women, more physical power and often more financial power. Men who need even more power by dating women much younger than themselves are defective - it is never acceptable because it places the woman in an even more subordinated position than she is in already.

I have been in two large age gap relationships, one that was 12 years older and one that was 9 years older. While there were some positives (maturity, better manners and financial security), I felt that the stage of life difference is too much (I still want to travel and go out, they want to stay home). Difficulties with generational differences, pop culture references, hard to fit into their group of friends when you are a decade younger.

The above assumes a healthy and respectful relationship. If that is lacking, then there is an obvious power imbalance and that causes difficulties (moreso if you have a limited support network).

My sister is 43 and her husband is 57. While she is happy in their relationship, I would find it difficult dealing with ailing and elderly in laws as she is. They had a baby a year ago and baby is not going to know his father's extended family in a meaningful way (as they are mostly dead, dying, elderly or in ill health), which I think is very sad for him.

All of that being said, I don't really advocate for age gap relationships as it usually means that women who are the same age as the man won't put up with his shit. At the end of the day, men are all about power and control and younger, less experienced women are much easier for them.

If I could have my 20s all over again, I would be focussing on my career and building wealth.

I had three relationships with men 5-8 years older than me when I was aged 22-26. They were ALL immature, troubled man-children who would never get a woman in her 30s to waste their time on him (each in their own unique awful way, so it took me a while to learn). Men date younger because women their own age see through them. I finally wised up, found FDS, and leveled up from ages 26-28, and found a HVM my own age at 28. HVM want to find a woman who is an equal and appropriate partner for them, including being the same age and life stage. Be extremely suspicious and critical of any man who will readily date a younger woman.

After the age of 23-25 or so, it depends more on the life stage and the power dynamic than raw numbers. A 30 year old going after a 19-21 year old is usually creepy because the former is already a whole adult and the latter has barely finished puberty. Example: my former boss got dumped by his then-girlfriend of 4 years who was his age (~33) because she wanted kids and he wasn't ready yet. So, he started dating a woman in her early 20s who was just finishing her Bachelor's. No risk of her wanting kids anytime soon, and she was willing to neatly fit into his life and do everything he wanted to do, including moving away. Much more convenient to him. And that's usually why men go for younger women – they tend to have fewer demands not a lot of previous relationship experience. If you are in your mid to late twenties and a dating prospect 5+ years older than you, you need to carefully look at his motives and reasons his previous relationships didn't work out.

Now, if you're looking at a typical second marriage between people in their 40s and 50s, age gaps can be bigger but the level of experience is usually very similar (raised a kid or two, bought a house, got divorced), so I don't see as much of an issue there. Another "same life phase" pairing is the kind of people who both got out of their first serious relationship of their 20s and are looking for something different this time around (usually with a much clearer sense of what they need).

I know a few couples like this where there's a bigger age gap but they met when they were in very similar life circumstances.

Others have talked about how it can be manipulative. Old guys are ugly etc.

Lots of these older men do lie about their age because they want a younger woman.

Years ago, shortly after high school, one of my friends (we weren't close, just ran in the same groups) moved to another province for university. She was 18 at this time.

During the Christmas break she came back to visit and a bunch of us went out for drinks. She starts telling us that she has a bf. She says so many good things about him too.

BUT she then tells us, he told her he was the same age as her, but she saw his drivers license and he was actually 29. She's 18! She ended up forgiving him and they were still together. Eventually she got pregnant and had to drop out of university and this guy just ghosted.

I had a roommate of a friend and this happened to her too, except they were actually close in age. But she was 30 and he told her he was 27 for some reason. He was actually 32 or 33. They ended up having a baby and he also left her. But she was already established in her 30s by then. So it wasn't the worst.

If you're suspicious LOOK AT THEIR ID

I didn't enter into a relationship with a much older man very willingfly. I look back as having been "tricked" and groomed into it. I was around 23, he was double my age. I admit it's colored my view of what men with that type of absurd age gap are capable of, and I get reactive when I hear about 20-30 year age gaps (still not uncommon in my community, even if generally shunned). But overall, the main reason I'm weary of that age gap is because it's a much younger woman who on TOP of being young (still mostly disenfranchised in society and economically less advantaged typically) is also a woman, which is like a target on your back with misogynists. So you are less protective of yourself and less protected.

Older men are predators by nature, that's not an opinion but a fact. They didn't fall in love with you as a person, they fall in lust because you are useful to them and easier to control. A women wrote on a youtube video that she dated a 60 year old as 19. When she refuses his advances to coerce her into sex he said " Do you think you are grown?" There you have it, right out of the horses mouth.

They only make their age be known and where you stand with an older man when they want to exercise authority over you. A relative is a pedophile and he wanted a romantic relationship with me at 13 I called him all kinds of names under the sun and he got angry and said "I am your uncle"

I have older men approach me not caring about the age gap and when I mention that they claim it's okay as long as it's legal. If I was 14 they would still groom me until they are comfortable going to the next level.

This is the reason why older men keep on taking their chances with younger women instead of using their prime years wisely becaue women keep on choosing older men because of daddy issues or because of money instead of buildign your own wealth.

OH also sorry OP but to answer the second part of your question re: advice- this goes with any man of any age. Pay attention to any potential power imbalances, real or perceived. If a man makes more than you he can insinuate that you're a greedy leech or gold digger if you expect him to pay for dates. If you went to vocational school and he has a formal degree he can act like you're ignorant and uneducated. If you have a mental illness or are neurodivergent he can use that to gaslight you, insinuate you're not smart or coherent, etc. If you're older he can belittle you for aging. If you're younger he can to treat you like a naive child. The flip side, if you have any real or perceived upper hand, he can resent you and project his insecurities on you.

At 25 you're usually on your way to being financially stable even if not wealthy, your prefrontal cortex is developed, and you should have a decent sense of self. You've been an adult long enough to have formed your own social network and community. Theoretically. If you're an independent adult and you can be manipulated by a man, your vulnerabilities are not from your age but from other issues. Untreated trauma, internalized misogyny, your upbringing, you get my point.

Involve your community to an extent that makes sense. (Like don't introduce him to your friends after the first date but make it known you have friends or family you talk to about your life. And if you don't? Share it here and call us the girls' group chat, he doesn't need to know.) Abusers love to isolate you and they are intimidated when they know you have people who look out for you. Make it clear that you like who you are at your core and have a sense of who you are. The second you feel any comment or question is underhanded, ask him to clarify what he means. Make him own up to it. And of course the second he becomes condescending you block and delete. This should be fun, after all!

I think an age gap can be a non-issue if there isn’t a huge power disparity. It helps when you’re at a similar era in your life regardless of your age.

Not my experience but I’d like to share my best friend’s experience as it’s an example of when it works out. Her boyfriend whom she lives with is 10 years older than her, however when they met they were both going through their respective divorces and had young kids. I didn’t like the whole thing at first since it was so soon after separating from her ex. She had been with her ex husband since high school (10+ years total) and I was worried about her dating as an adult. But still, she wasn’t some young, inexperienced 20-something, she was a single mom of two toddlers and had functionally been a single mom since her husband was in the military and volunteering for assignments with his mistress. They both were just ready for a loving, peaceful home environment for them and their three girls total. Also, his ex wife was 8 years older than him. Considering my friend is a divorced mother of two, I think he is just open to dating women of all ages vs him seeking out a younger woman. They met organically at his brother’s wedding where my friend was the maid of honor. I really do think it just clicked because they had similar timelines wrt their first marriages, their kids’ ages, and both getting divorced the same year.

They are not married but they do live together, so you may be concerned about some mommy mcbangmaid shit. Which is valid! Neither one wants to get legally married again. They live in the house he owns which he let her redecorate, something she never got to do when they moved into her ex husband’s family farm house. She mentioned ONCE that she wanted a mini cooper when she was a teenager and he bought her TWO a few weeks later. And my friend will absolutely tell him “that’s wife shit” when she doesn’t want to do something lol. I would also go over unannounced at least once a month and unlike her ex husband, he never got upset about it.

By your late 20s you're getting too old to be manipulated by predatory older men the same way a 18yo woman is. Older men know that a teenager is very naive and is vulnerable to manipulation, but mid 20s women are arent so easy to control. Plus, the kind of men who prey on young women want barely legal, not 28yo hags. So most of us, by our mid 20s even, arent really vulnerable to old men tricking is into age gap relationships with the goal of controling and abusing us.

By mid 20s or later, we should avoid old dudes because they aren't hot, because we cant relate well to geezers while we're in the primes of our lives, and because an old man who targets much younger women is an immature jackass who cant attract women his nown age because of his bad personality.

That being said, I dont think theres anything wrong with, for example, a 28yo woman and a 38yo man, necessarily. It's not at all the same thing as a 20yo woman and a 30yo man.