This has always been something on my mind.
I’ve had three instances where men don’t really show interest in me at the beginning of getting to know them, whether it would be in a relationship or something leading up to a relationship. However, as soon as I’m no longer interested in them, and I’m moving on (they know this as well), they suddenly become friendlier, they’re following me around all of a sudden, and trying to talk to me.
I am confused and frustrated because these guys had all this time to treat me right, get to know me, and it could have been something meaningful. Yet, they choose to treat me indifferently and be lukewarm about everything.
Why is it that these guys realize that they like me towards the end and start to put in effort when it’s too late?
Why is it that people and sometimes not even men, but sometimes women in a general platonic sense, and my work colleagues choose to like me at the end of my time with them? Is it me? Am I the type of person that people don’t like at first, but then eventually like? Do I need to open up more at first? Or is this some sick way of a send off and remaining in good terms?
It’s really sad as these people were nice to me during my final weeks, I’m just confused with the inconsistencies.
Scarcity is like a drug. When you show signs that you won't be available anymore, you become more attractive.
Also, inadvertently you may have given something to them like attention. They felt flattered by your interest or attraction, they get an ego boost. When you deprive them of that attention/visible attraction or interest, they rush to find it back.
Finally, they may see the loss of an opportunity to get something out of you. They wanted to before but there was no rush. You're not available anymore and they lost their chance. I feel like regardless; their sudden spike in interest should have little value to your eyes.
To me this sounds like they just like the chase. Lots of guys like what they can't have. I bet that if you gave one of those guys a chance they'd play with you for a while and then toss you to the roadside. They wouldn't want you anymore because now they got you! The chase is over, they're bored, they're moving on to the next target. No thanks.
I love seeing posts that I can relate to because for a long time, I had no one to discuss so many things with. This, being one of them.
I have had this happen to me with men in a romantic sense and women in a platonic sense too. In fact, it’s happened to me recently. A recently met up with a girl I went to university with who was a part of my female friend group in university but was more keen on being close friends with only one of the girls in the group. We didn’t have any issues with each other byt she didn’t seem keen to be friendlier with me so I respected that. Our mutual friend invited me over to her house and told me this girl would be there. I went over regardless and this girl had this new interest in being friends with me. She’s moving to another city and wanted my number so that we could keep in touch. Her, our friend and I met up one more time before she left and she’s since called me and we’ve chatted. She told me that she regrets not being closer friends me in university. Why she has this sudden interest in a friendship with me is anyone’s guess. I feel that it’s two things: one is regret. As she leaves my city which she lived in for 10+ years, she talked about how much she’d miss her life here and the things she did and didn’t do. Two: she seems impressed with what I’ve achieved. When we met up the first time, she asked me what I’d been up to since leaving uni and she seemed impressed with my career and other things I’ve achieved.
With guys, I’ve had them be hot and cold when I showed interest in them or seem not interested at all only to suddenly be when I never showed interested. The number of times a guy seemed to like me out of nowhere when we were all leaving school forever which is when they seemed to be keen on getting to know me more and wanting something more is ridiculous. I long wondered why this kept happening to me. It made me feel like I was a “good time girl”; someone they’d flirt with for fun but want nothing more with until I pulled away. I also wondered if the moments I had with them meant nothing seeing as they only pushed for more to happen until again, I pulled away. These amongst other behaviors are what have put me off men for a long time. I was tired of feeling gaslit about whether or not they liked me since they were hot and cold and I refused to feel stupid, led on and embarrassed about thinking they liked me and me showing my feelings to them.
Like you, it really boggles my mind why people do this. I can only guess that many of them are atrention seeking manipulators and/or avoidants who do the classic game of hot and cold: they’re hot when you’re cold and then cold when you’re hot, i.e. when you show interest, they pull away after showing interest previously or they dont show any interest at all but when you stop showing how you feel, they want the attention back so they show interest.
People who do this, do this on purpose which is very cruel and to be honest, they’re not genuinely interested in the people they do this to because if they were, they wouldn’t act this way. If we think of how we behave when we like and respect people, does this behaviour occur? No. Why? Because we don’t want people we like to think we don’t like or respect them.
This is why we should remember that people who like us won’t deliberately mistreat, embarrass, disrespect or hurt us. When women spend their time wondering if a guy likes them or not, the answer is he doesn’t because if he did, he wouldn’t do anything to push you away/make you feel that he didn’t like you.
I don't think it's you. I think, with the exes, they realize they liked the relationship and they panic at the thought of having to be single and meet someone new and start all over again. And as for the work colleagues, maybe they realized they would miss you once you left the job. "Don't know what you've got til it's gone" sort of thing.
It's not the same but I've definitely been ghosted by a guy and then, years later when I was better-looking, wealthier, and more self-assured, he decided to try his luck a second time. I ignored him, though - fuck that noise. You don't get to hurt me twice.
They are probably seeing/talking to many women and you are part of that rotation: pull back and they will pull you in again, you feel seen by them, rinse and repeat. A man who is serious about dating you will make it obvious from the outset. Look at this information: "Men don't really show interest in my at the beginning". The "beginning" is when they should show their A-game. The beginning is where it's at. Any man who is aloof with me at the outset gets dumped, so he wouldn't have the chance to be interested further down the line. Stop giving these losers the benefit. If he's not asking you out and planning the date after a few excahnges online (or in person if IRL) and asking for the second date on the first, and so on... bye bye loser!
I'm so sorry all these people had the nerve to viciously manipulate you like that, with such evil calculations. You'd think these people would have something to do with theirlives other than cutting so deeply into your feelings, but I guess not!
Sounds like manipulation to me. Block the scrotes