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So this has been bothering me for a couple days and I have to admit this triggered me when I started seeing it thrown around after having a less than ideal ex-bf at the time that stopped communicating with me at one time but later... popped up again. However, that situation read to me as someone that was indecisive and doesn't know what they want... and not necessarily my problem (thankfully).
My concern is when my mother recently repeated this when she was criticizing a woman on tv for "not being able to keep a man around". Why does something like a man not sticking around with a woman seen as a negative trait that reflects badly on a woman? Men are seen as horndogs and players for having revolving doors of women or being momma's boy "hard to please" when women don't stick around with them. I feel ashamed that my own mother pushes this idea around me that a woman's goal in a relationship is to keep the partner and not something mutual to be experienced. Why is it a goal to control a grown ass adult? Personally, I see partners that exit relationships as a choice on their part. I have not been in many relationships, but many friendships. I just don't think I personally have the power to control the actions of another person.
I might be missing something simple but, searching online elsewhere- can't seem to find any posts relates to what I'm trying to verbalize here. It just seems unfair that a woman's dating life carries additional burdens like this.
Society expects women to be docile slaves and please the ZVM's around them.
A woman with standards and self-worth? What's the use of that if you can't keep a useless scrote around?
Women aren't seen as anything beyond fucktoys and servants for males. A person who sees women as real human beings would not constantly expect them to mould themselves into someone they're not to be able to attract and "keep around" the likes of males.
Many men and women think that it’s the ultimate dream of every woman out there to be chosen by a guy to be his wife. Hence if you are not married, you are automatically seen as that loser who has failed to achieve her goals and dreams. Even though society expects women to be educated and work hard in well-paid jobs, they also think that women are spending their every waking moment to doll up, dress up and do all sorts of things (facials, plastic surgery etc) to please men, hoping they’ll be chosen as wives. Given that they have already assumed that women does every single thing out there to look good and attract men, they get appalled and shocked and they mock women who are single. Something must be so dreadfully wrong with you if you spent your entire life to get a man and you still failed. People assume that a man’s goals is to fuck as many women as possible and a woman’s goal is to be married. Hence when a relationship fails, the man cheats or just the fact that a woman is single, one automatically assumes that the woman is trying all she can to keep a man but it does not work so something must be wrong with her. Society also generally mocks at people who tries and fails. But of course the above is really just social conditioning and not practically beneficial for women. Given that society expects women to either double-hat and be a working mom where she is expected to take care of the household and still hold a well-paid job, or women are expected to be stay-home mom and be vulnerable for not having a safety net, how can it be that women are dying to get married considering the odds are that she will suffer more in marriage? Men are not expected to give up their careers in a marriage. The expectation of a man to manage the household while working is also minimal. How is it then that women are dying to get into this situation when the benefits are so abysmal? It’s social conditioning.
Because men believe they are the prize. They think they are Kings which us “submissive baby-makers” need to worship and serve. If there’s a breakup, essentially we’ve failed to adequately serve these “Kings”. It’s utter rubbish and unfortunately people still consciously or subconsciously hold these beliefs. I’ve simply kept my head up high and show myself as the HVW I am or try to be, that way it can be seen that my exes failed ME. And those who are my true friends, will see that view and believe in me.
I love how your brought this up. It’s something that I’ve struggled with in the past of trying to people-please and make sure a man remains happy. Now I see it as a relief as I’m not here to coerce, control nor “keep you”. You’re a consenting adult that chooses everyday to continue to build a life together. It’s more that it’s his job to keep me and with his actions show that he is the right man for me. But I feel you with that society makes us feel that our whole existence as women is how much and how well we can “take care of” our husbands/partners
One of my cousins made a nasty comment when I was engaged to my second husband. I left an abusive situation in getting divorced and emerged still optimistic about life and love. In no way did I feel I had failed in any way.
It isn't. It is societys guilt trip to ensure that you put up with the unaccepable from men.
I wouldn’t feel ashamed for your mother because don’t take it personally. She and allot of women have internalised misogyny. You are asking why it is a goal to control a grown adult, well because that is what abusers do that is their only goal. You don’t have control of the actions of any person because everyone has free-will, you’ll have to abuse and fool people to eventually create this resistance in them for them not to use their free-will. But everyone will always have free-will that is your power no matter how much resistance is available, you can go another direction. But this “keeping a men” is one of the ideologies to socialize your subconscious mind into not prioritising what you want. Also there is something missing in that sentence. You are not “keeping a men….. to provide for you” you are “keeping a men ….. to abuse you”. We are all mammals. We are living among predators there is no fair life, you survive and thrive in this life by doing what you want, creating your own values and morals and cut whoever doesn’t fit them.