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Why do you want a man?

When most men are asked why they want a girlfriend or wife, they give a laundry list of chores + sex + emotional labor, because they’re just looking for an appliance:

“She’ll cook, clean, raise the kids, adore me, have sex with me, and soothe my troubled brow.”

How would you answer: why do you want a boyfriend or husband?

I’ll start: I always wanted to find a good friend and companion, someone to enjoy life with, someone intelligent and kind. Someone with whom I can enjoy both busy days and lazy days. I would find him attractive, both physically and mentally. And I would like to find a man I can respect, who has solid character and integrity. Someone who has the same values, but with different qualities, so we can encourage each other, and help each other grow as people.

22 answers0 replies

Comments (22)

FlameThrower

Jan 15

The biggest thing I find myself wanting a man for is sex. HAHA. Stay with me... I also want one to argue with mechanics and keep other men in my life in check.

Outside of that, I've fulfilled all other areas in my life.

He would need to be a hard worker who is kicking ass at his job (or owns the whole place), wants to travel with me, shares similar interests and introduces me to new ones. He needs to be really funny, adventurous, and curious about the world. I want a sturdy and reliable actual "partner" who is really nurturing toward me. Above all, he needs to treat me like gold.

We are the ones who should be asking for a man-appliance because I'm not joking at all when I say my men were the cleaners and the cooks. Or they hired us a maid. The little attributes I like in his personality or other areas don't matter if he can't step up and be the man in the relationship, meaning earning a lot of money so we are comfortable, takes care of me when needed, keeps shitty people and men around us in check (they don't listen to women, I've tried), gets things done when life hits hard or something needs fixed. So ya know... a man-appliance. LOL.

Notice how we are listing personal attributes and things we'd like to enjoy with them, but still not answering "Why" we want one.... It's probably smarter for us to think like men in this case.. I want one because a good one will make my life easier and will take care of me when needed. Men's nature actually makes them the real appliances. They need to be extremely useful.

A good one will free up space for me to breathe easier and relax because he won't be an amoeba and will be proactive about our lives, finances, and goals. He'll be savvy and hardworking enough to where I won't have to work at everything so hard. I'll be able to chill and focus on my career or building my business ideas because I'll have an actual partner. I'll have more time for my hobbies because he takes equal burden if not full burden of everything needed to keep us together and to keep our lives running.

Edited

Not Today

Jan 15

Replying to

This is a good one and so true! From simply observing what comes out of their mouth, it seems nothing is more of a death blow to a man's self esteem than feeling "useless". They want to be used by people the value and respect, so he has to respect women deeply in the first place (and be useful) for it to work out long term.

FlameThrower

Jan 15

Replying to

Right. And they *like* to be useful for the women they love. I always ask the men I'm dating early on for both big and small favors to gauge how useful he's actually going to be in my life. Because if he's not useful, then what's the point? His shining personality? Please. No matter how good his personality is, mine is still better and I can always keep myself laughing and adventurous and all those things I might look for in his "personality." Those are all things I can fulfill on my own and things that I see in my own self.

Like for about a week and a half of every single month I feel like crap from PMSing and periods... he's built much sturdier than I am even month-by-month. It's their job to be useful to us. Not the other way around.

Editing to add: How many women have married for "personality" and found themselves doing the full workload of running a home (which is exhausting by the way). If he's not making *all* things easier for you, he's worthless.

Edited

Anna

Jan 15

I miss a partner to share my life with, who doesn’t take advantage of me. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to find a decent man nowadays.

Ansa

Jan 15

Replying to

Saaaaame

LaDame

Jan 15

I have a hard time answering the question!!! I started but then realized I'm listing characteristics I want in a man but not actually why I want one...

When I started to think about why, everything I could think of would actually be more fun or better in some way with a woman rather than a man. The only experience I could think of in life when I'd prefer a man was sex and this is only high standard, emotionally connected sex. I'm not sure how much women and men would ever actually mix if it wasn't for sex. I used to be the "girl that doesn't get along with other girls", "not like those other girls" kinda girl, total pickme. I think most men prefer the company of men and I think most women prefer the company of women. But men get so much more than sex from their relationships with women and they know that, and they know most romantic relationships and marriage are a raw deal women are getting tricked into.

I enjoy hanging out with men sometimes and my husband and I have a fun "friendship" and I laugh a lot; but this relationship comes with so much extra baggage because of all the male and societal bullshit I am not sure I want a man anymore.

In another world or future life, a man would be my partner and we would help, support, encourage each other thru life, empathize, sympathize and love each other thoughtfully.

Leveled Up

Jan 19

Replying to

I agree with you so much! I prefer the company of women. And men generally prefer the company of men - unless they’re trying to get laid.

Society has taught us to want a man. But I think it’s interesting to ask ourselves WHY. Then, the “what is he like,” and “what benefits does he bring” will follow.

Edited

Glistening Nebula

Jan 15

I still like to believe that there are men like Gomez Addams ..

FlameThrower

Jan 16

Replying to

Oh yeah! Gomez should be every woman's standard. Did you see how they made Gomez in the Wednesday series??? The brainwashing they're trying to do to us out here is insane. Bwahhahahha. Yeah right!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Ansa

Jan 15

I miss a mate to shate life with. I hate that I do because I know I won't find him, I only get scrotes wanting me for sex or money nowadays.

Leveled Up

Jan 19

Replying to

Yes, companionship is a great reason. 😊

And you’re right: it’s hard to find a man with even the barest of minimum qualities, that would make him a desirable companion.

I generally enjoy women’s company more. They have more empathy and emotional intelligence than most men.

LapisLazuli12

Jan 15

I want the same as you. Friend that loves me and truly has my well being in mind. I kind of struggle with standards due to past traumas.

I know men should be spending a certain amount of money on you but I have this thing about performative courting. Gifts and dates set off alarm bells for me because i grew up in a family where money and gifts were used as leverage to control me. So now I'm triggered by the traditional dating process

I'm a deeply spiritual person as well as a minimalist (growing up in poverty did not help) so like you I want someone who can grow with me and share values. But I'm not sure what to do when it comes to standards regarding money

I have an idea, but I'm still confused. I tend to focus more on the emotional connect aspect of the relationship. But this has caused me to attract lvms 🥲

Sorry for veering off topic 😅

Not Today

Jan 15

Replying to

I think the minimum you should go for is financially stable but not cheap with you. He doesn't have to be rich to be financially stable and responsible.

FlameThrower

Jan 16

Replying to

Lapis you deserve everything you want out of a man and in your life. Aim high. I used to be similar. I really wish I could go back in time sometimes with the higher standards I have now. My life would have gone a lot more smoothly. Don't waste anymore time feeling like you deserve very little or feeling guilty and even until you really start believing that, fake it. It's amazing what comes around when you start demanding better out of your scrotes and out of your life.

Leveled Up

Jan 19

Replying to

@LapisLazuli12

Thank you for your thoughtful answer!

Question: do you need a man to provide money and thoughtful gifts? Or are you able to provide for yourself.

The reason I’m asking is to figure out if part of your Why is “I want a man to provide for me.” Maybe because of the childhood financial abuse you suffered.

I have finally built a life where I provide for all my needs, and I also provide many of my wants and luxuries. If I met a man to emotionally and intellectually connect with, he’d also have to be at my financial level (or higher). Because I won’t lower my lifestyle for a male companion. I would treat him to nice things, and I would expect he does the same for me.

So I’m not looking for a provider. But I am looking for my equal.

If you are financially solid, then men won’t be able to manipulate you or hold gifts/money over your head. I HATE that your father abused you this way: you were a child and you didn’t choose your parents, and you had to simply survive his abuse. Which you did, and that takes strength!

Now you’re a grown women, able to treat yourself well, provide for yourself, and create a sense of safety. It’s much harder for men to financially abuse you, now that you’re independent (which wasn’t possible with your dad).

I hope you find peace with this. ❤️‍🩹

Sara H

Jan 16

I want a man who actually sees women as human beings, isn’t a lazy sack of shit, knows how to take care of himself, has a good career, mentally stable etc

These men do exist, in our imaginations…