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Why do you want a man?

When most men are asked why they want a girlfriend or wife, they give a laundry list of chores + sex + emotional labor, because they’re just looking for an appliance:

“She’ll cook, clean, raise the kids, adore me, have sex with me, and soothe my troubled brow.”

How would you answer: why do you want a boyfriend or husband?

I’ll start: I always wanted to find a good friend and companion, someone to enjoy life with, someone intelligent and kind. Someone with whom I can enjoy both busy days and lazy days. I would find him attractive, both physically and mentally. And I would like to find a man I can respect, who has solid character and integrity. Someone who has the same values, but with different qualities, so we can encourage each other, and help each other grow as people.

22 answers0 replies

Comments (22)

LapisLazuli12

Jan 15

I want the same as you. Friend that loves me and truly has my well being in mind. I kind of struggle with standards due to past traumas.

I know men should be spending a certain amount of money on you but I have this thing about performative courting. Gifts and dates set off alarm bells for me because i grew up in a family where money and gifts were used as leverage to control me. So now I'm triggered by the traditional dating process

I'm a deeply spiritual person as well as a minimalist (growing up in poverty did not help) so like you I want someone who can grow with me and share values. But I'm not sure what to do when it comes to standards regarding money

I have an idea, but I'm still confused. I tend to focus more on the emotional connect aspect of the relationship. But this has caused me to attract lvms 🥲

Sorry for veering off topic 😅

Leveled Up

Jan 19

Replying to

@LapisLazuli12

Thank you for your thoughtful answer!

Question: do you need a man to provide money and thoughtful gifts? Or are you able to provide for yourself.

The reason I’m asking is to figure out if part of your Why is “I want a man to provide for me.” Maybe because of the childhood financial abuse you suffered.

I have finally built a life where I provide for all my needs, and I also provide many of my wants and luxuries. If I met a man to emotionally and intellectually connect with, he’d also have to be at my financial level (or higher). Because I won’t lower my lifestyle for a male companion. I would treat him to nice things, and I would expect he does the same for me.

So I’m not looking for a provider. But I am looking for my equal.

If you are financially solid, then men won’t be able to manipulate you or hold gifts/money over your head. I HATE that your father abused you this way: you were a child and you didn’t choose your parents, and you had to simply survive his abuse. Which you did, and that takes strength!

Now you’re a grown women, able to treat yourself well, provide for yourself, and create a sense of safety. It’s much harder for men to financially abuse you, now that you’re independent (which wasn’t possible with your dad).

I hope you find peace with this. ❤️‍🩹

Why do you want a man?

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