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I saw a similar post posted a while back, but it was taken down before I got to read the rest of it. I'm going through a similar feeling right now...
It seems like all the guys I have interest in, don't feel the same way as me. They'll take me out on a few dates, pay for my meals, and be perfect gentlemen. When I want something serious, they back out, or ask if they can continue on the same trajectory. The longest I've ever waited was 6 months before asking him where he thought what we had was going. He apologized for stringing me along, but wanted to keep things as they were between us. Ofc I declined, because it's waste of time. I talked to other people and they said I was too impatient and that I should have waited a little longer for him to make the move.
On the other flipside, there are guys that I have 0 interest in, but they are quick to ask for marriage. To me, I just find them repugnant and can only imagine an oppressive future with them. It seems as though I attract misogynistic and cheap dudes. I don't want those guys and I will not settle.
Since I keep attracting duds, how do I attract HV men my age?
I've already gone to venues that involve paying money to sift out the cheap men. So far, I've gone community centres, and joined clubs that I am interested in, like my local tennis and rock climbing club. I also attend museum and art gallery functions. Sadly, I haven't been able to find anything meaningful.
Sorry to break it to you, but there is no guarantee of ever finding a HV male who you are compatible with. There is no perfect place to frequent, or one vetting tool that will sift through the hordes of shit and leave you with the gold nugget.
Life is filled with people who will take from you or waste your time. They will be family, acquaintances, work colleagues, anyone.
Those LVM will always come knocking. It's by having standards and strong boundaries - i.e. the self respect to require high standards of behaviour, that allow us to see them off. If we accept shitty people because they 'deserve a chance' or might improve, we are accepting poor quality treatment of ourselves.
You aren't attracting duds any more than the rest of us are. We do not judge success on finding a HVM - we find success in bullets dodged, and living a life of our own that is high quality even if we have to do it single.
I get the impression you really feel the need to be partnered up - if so, this is something you would need to reflect on. Ironically the best way of finding someone HV is not to need them. You cannot be desperate. HV find it off-putting; it speaks of some unresolved personal issues, and indicates you are incomplete by yourself. Wanting a HV partner is different from needing a partner.
You don’t attract more lvm then most women but you do entertain them longer than you should. I learned this lesson the hard way too. You only increase your chances of finding a hvm by eliminating lvm time wasters.
I know sis. I've gone through this feeling recently, feeling like I'm the problem for attracting all the shitty guys. Of course, being a self reflective person, I tend to blame myself because I'm the denominator here but I ask you for this particular situation, don't blame yourself. Would you blame rape victims for attracting rapists? Would you blame murdered victims for attracting murderers? If you don't, don't blame yourself for getting treated like shit. Shift the blame to men. There is no kind of behavior that can bring you an HV, it's just... luck. You can take steps to prevent bad lucks from coming to you but if a really big one is coming, there is no way to run. You can do nothing and HVM fell from the sky to your lap. I think I just learn to accept it and it has made me way happier than before.
Demand and supply… HVM are in high demand and low supply, while LVM are in low demand and high supply. This makes it a numbers game.
You just have to keep trying until you find one that reciprocates.
Trust me, I also deal with my fair share of repugnant men. Don’t engage or waste any time with them.
I don’t think those were HVM. Sounds to me like they may have just been highly charismatic and experienced manipulators. Probably looking for a FWB (or several) and I’m glad you didn’t fall for it.
Have you tried any golf clubs? I think that’s a wealthy man’s sport, but sometimes it’s mostly old guys.
I feel your pain though, it is so, so hard to meet people in person and online dating is trash.
hmm, I always recommend the FDS podcast episode on flirting strategies, and the benefits of multi-dating. You'll have to search for those. I think seeming interested but also a bit of a challenge is always a good idea. Don't settle, of course, you are doing the right thing.