As I'm enjoying finally being over my ex, as I reflect back on this long relationship and the initial red flags I missed, I find myself puzzled by something. Why do many men initially insist you have so much in common with them when you actually don't, (and they do this at the start of a relationship), then later when the excitement has faded, the mask has fallen off they take it back and say you're not a fit at least partly because you don't have many things in common? I have a feeling I know the answer but still I'd like your thoughts on this.
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Lovebombing 101 includes mirroring back someone’s personality. Eventually they can’t be bothered to keep their bs straight cuz they think they’ve hooked you
It’s called “mirroring” and it’s a mating tactic used both consciously and unconsciously by men to form an attachment to them when you normally wouldn’t. Here’s a video with a full description:
This is EXACTLY what my ex did to me. Told me he was into hiking and outdoors and sports. One year into the realationship he got fat (gaining like 40lbs), sitting on his ass watching stupid youtube videos and playing vidja games all day long. When we broke up he threw it right into my face: "I don't see any future with you because I recognized We DonT hAve AnyThInG iN ComMon HoW dId ThAT hApPeN? Gosh. I hope his scrote ass burns in hell.
As others have said, it's mirroring + lovebombing. It's 100% manipulation. Be wary of guys who do this because they're not interested in you as a person, they're idealizing you just so they can drop you later when you don't fit their fantasy.
Also ~not having anything in common~ is such a stupid excuse. I don't expect my friends or dates to be interested in the same things as me, the things that are really important are shared values. Men are really out here going "Why doesn't she love golf and football and Marvel like I do?"