When is an appropriate time to get married?

For me personally, I wouldn’t get engaged unless I’ve been with him for 2 years. The first year with a man, everything is new. The second, you start to see if there are inconsistencies, diminishing efforts, etc. Beyond 2 years, I think you know exactly who he is (IF you’ve been properly vetting). If you’re willfully blind, no number of years will be enough to see his true character. So:

Dating: 2 years

Engaged: 1-2 years (weddings really do take a lot of planning & I’m not okay with a wedding that feels cheap or thrown together)

I have at least three couples in my social circle who started dating in high school or college, and got married aged 25-29, having dated for 8-10 years. They were waiting to finish college/grad school, establish themselves as adults, and mature more. These were not “forever-girlfriend” situations.

I think it’s appropriate to not marry until age 25, no matter how long you’ve dated someone, because that’s when the young adult brain has matured, and you know more clearly what you’re getting in a grown-up man, as well as what you actually want in life. If you marry in your early 20s (or god forbid in your teens), you do not have enough judgment, and your man does not have enough stability, both in terms of brain development and of vetting that your life paths align. You also need to vet that your man is capable of being employed and sustaining a steady job/career, which doesn’t happen until after finishing school.

In contrast, I met my HV boyfriend at 28, and expect him to propose within 1.5-2 years, and then marry after a 1-1.5 year engagement. That will be 2.5-3.5 years of dating, and marriage at 30-31. We already have our own lives and can see that they will fit together well. The time is for my own vetting, not for either of us to mature more.

After One year courtship/dating and If he's not ready drop him, If he is then he should propose. I know people who are married for 35 years and the man has proposed within 2 years.

Being a girlfriend with wife duties for 10 years until he puts a ring on you pretty much shows he wasted 10 years of your life, the dude knows you are the only one he knows who gives him the milk for free instead of purchasing a cow and decides to tie the knot.

Men who refuse to marry within a year are seeking for something better.

Men would gladly sleep with you on the first week you've met, would father a baby with you after being in a relationship with you for 1-2 years, gladly move in within a year. But can't put a ring on your finger? It's a scrote.

I'm gonna say that there isn't an appropriate time. I say this bc there is intense societal pressure to marry in your twenties and that results in hastening a marriage, any marriage.

The focus should be on maximizing your own life individually and when/if HVM courts you then get married at the time both you and he feel is best.

I don't think the problem is youth per se, it's that the younger you are, the more broke you are, and the harder it is to escape a bad relationship. So I guess the answer is "when you have options to make a clean getaway". He doesn't have to be evil; if he, like, dies in a car accident, are you screwed? You don't have to be filthy rich either, just enough to be stable, whatever it means for you.

I'd say to marry young, and get it out if your system when you have the least to lose. If you meet a good guy who has a career and money when you're young, marry him within a year, but wait 5 years to have kids. That way you'll see if the marriage will last without kids, and you're not playing wifey for years with no ring. When you're older, the males that are leftover are not worth marrying, plus you'll have a lot more to lose when you're older in terms of your career, money, and assets you've accumulated. This is what I did, and I got divorced after 6 years with no kids. I've been married, had an easy escape, and I'm not wishing for the fairy tale that men aren't capable of. It's worse if you wait till your 30s to try to get married, and you feel rejected and left out. The only woman who wants a husband is one who hasn't had one. LOL.

Your framing of this question is as a false dichotomy: 1) marry (“too”) young, or 2) exclusively date only 1 guy for 10 years. Don’t forget the entire range of other options here, such as what could be negotiated with a prenuptial agreement and/or a cohabitation agreement.

There are gigantic quality of life differences between living with a guy for 10 years vs living apart. Also big differences in the women who refuse to do domestic labor for a man and stand on that, vs those who reflexively will take on most of the domestic labor.

You should absolutely marry a highschool sweetheart if he's been good for you and is still with you. Being with you for ten years because you guys COULDN'T get married, or were still figuring things out in your early twenties is kind of romantic. I think a lot of women talking about guys having a forever girlfriend aren't talking about highschoolers who are STILL together. That.. is probably your soulmate.