When did you realize your friend was a pickme and what event caused you to let them go entirely?

Her boyfriend was obviously gay, among many things. Gay men also assumed he was gay. She had to know too or at least highly suspect it, but she wanted to be able to claim having a boyfriend. She really had terribly low self-esteem so I genuinely felt bad for her in that regard.

I didn’t end the friendship because of her being a PickMe though. At the time I didn't realize how her being that way had affected our friendship and her feelings toward me. After many small, seemingly innocuous things over the years I finally realized she didn’t care about me. She kept me around for validation. Basically I was the PickMe in the friendship (for her, not men). I wanted to earn her love and never did. I pretty much just ghosted her after one final incident that made me snap and she never cared to really find out why. This was after being supposed best friends for decades.

The most recent one .... When she threw a fit about the dude she'd been dating for TWO WEEKS being left out of a long scheduled girls weekend. He was a menace all weekend to all of the women on the trip just generally hanging on all of us, gaslighting us with "I'm just a friendly guy" when we tried to stop it (although I am queen bitch of YOU DO NOT FUCKING TOUCH ME and told him if he insisted on blowing past that boundary I had no qualms about putting him on the ground like an hour into the drive there) and I found out that he'd sneaked into another friend's room after pickmerella had fallen asleep then tried to play the resulting drama off as "Oh I got the wrong room". He tried to grab me after I'd made it crystal clear several times there would be no touching for any reason and I dodged and let him go over the railing into the pool below, yet I was the asshole that ruined the weekend 🙄

oh, so many...

pickme ex-friend #1: we had been internet friends for a while after connecting through radical feminism groups. she lived in a different state, so we couldn't simply visit each other. one day she came to my state for a work event. she was going to stay for just a few days, but she told me she wanted to meet in person. i live far from the city where she was going to stay, but i didn't mind going there to meet her. first, she rescheduled our meet up because she was going to meet other friends later that same day and she was worried she'd be too tired. we agreed upon lunch the next day, but she never texted me back to set the exact time. almost one month later, she finally texted back apologizing and saying she forgot about it (!) and ended up going out with some guy from tinder the day we were supposed to meet.

pickme ex-friend #2: we connected on linkedin and became good friends after meeting up a few times to discuss career transitioning. we were both going through tough break ups, which drew us closer. she fell in love with a class A scrote. married, open-relationship, shooting instructor who enjoyed carrying his gun around. he would invite her to the disco on a wednesday out of the blue when he knew she had to wake up at 5am for work. she would go without a flinch. he snapped his fingers and she was there. i tried to warn her about his scroteness, but she wanted to be "spontaneous" and shit. one day she simply removed our linkedin connection after i took too long to text her back (because she did that to me frequently, so i decided to treat her the same way). or maybe she found out i'm radfem and didn't like it. i'll never relally know the truth and i don't care.

pickme ex-friend #3: we had been friends for 10 years. she introduced me to a male friend of hers (she had known for like a year). he """""fell in love""""" with me, lovebombed me, etc. i decided to give him a chance because clearly i didn't know FDS then and also because she promessed he was a good guy. after 3 weeks seeing him, he disrespected my consent during sex and i ended things with him. she followed the drama and stopped talking to me. she remains friends with him, though. apparently, i'm the bad guy in the situation. she is a single mother of a 5 year-old girl. i worry about that child...

in all cases, i was sad with the betrayal, of course. but i'm so over it. i'm done with pickmes. they aren't worthy of my friendship, or my company or my attention. they'll always choose men anyways. to me the worst case was #3. that guy fucken r***d me and she clearly took his side. to me she is the worst of them all. i hate her. she got pregnant because her then boyfriend came inside of her (EEEEW) and said he didn't. she holds no grudge and they have a great friendly relationship. at least that's good for the child, i guess.

It's harmless compared to some of your stories but the one that was the worst for me was when I was younger and a friend and me went to another city for an event (an outdoor, free open air concert thing). We were childhood friends, had grown up in the same village and really close at that time... or so I thought...

We were 18 or 19 and she was the only one with a car, so she drove, we went to the event and it was actually a pretty nice evening until she met some guy she knew who was a little weird, but -you know- there's no accounting for taste. He was trying to convince us to go to another party but it was already really late, so I said no and that we would be driving home soon. She goes: "Don't be such a spoilsport!". I insist that we should drive home because that was the original plan, our parents would be waiting and I had a pretty early appointment in the morning. At that moment I left to go to the toilet and when I came back they were gone. Just. Gone. Other people told me that she had gone to the party with that guy and had taken her car. She left me fucking stranded in a place I didn't know in the middle of the night with no way to get home to go a party with some dude. This was before Uber, smartphones or apps and there was no way to get home via public transport because it was already so late. I didn't have enough cash for a regular taxi. In the end I begged the staff of a little shop at the train station that was still open to let me use their phone and called my dad to come pick me up and the staff was nice enough to let me wait in the store until he got there.

When I confronted her about it the next day, she called me a drama queen and why I was making such a big deal out of it, everything had turned out fine and I should just have gone to the party with them. That was the last time we spoke. My parents were furious (at her, not me) and tried to talk to her parents but her parents supported her and were like "Well, she was driving, so she gets to decide how long they stay and your daughter should just have accepted that". My ex-friend and party-dude were together for a while after that until he cheated on her with -wait for it- another girl he met at a party. How unexpected.

I never relied on another person to get home from somewhere since and my parents helped me buy a used car shortly after but still: You do not abandon your friends when you know they don't have a way to get home. Ever. You always make sure everyone gets home safely. That's basic human decency, isn't it?

I was getting to know this older woman (40s) earlier this year. We went out for a meal with a group of acquaintances. We then went on to a bar I like to listen to some live music. I hadn't realised it but she invited a guy who worked at the restaurant we had been at and he brought his friend with him.

At this stage, a couple of the others had left so it was just us four. I engaged in general conversation until I realised that she was basically now ignoring more to focus on the restaurant guy. I really found that annoying because it started to feel like a double date and although the guy she had invited seemed well groomed and handsome, I hadn't agreed to this or even been asked. It was around when the guy started telling me that I'm pretty and trying to talk to me a little more intimately, moving in closer, that I got up to leave. He was Eastern European and didn't seem to understand. She speaks to me across the guy and tells me that he's a really good guy and I should should give him a chance enough to talk to him properly. I tell her I'm leaving to get a cab and walk out.

The guy she was with seemed nice so he dragged her along with him and they all came out. He told me that he doesn't like the idea of me waiting for a cab alone here and he'd prefer they wait with me. So we walked up a bit further. While we were waiting, the EU guy was still trying it on with me and offered me his jacket since it was quite cold and I guess I looked like I was cold. I declined and she jumped on me, asking me why I'm being like this and why I don't accept the guy's super nice leather jacket (it was actually really nice but that's besides the point). It was so embarrassing. I had already decided I'm deleting this woman's number.

I had a former pickme friend accuse me of being jealous of her relationship. Given how ugly, boring and mean he is I realised she’d had a lobotomy without telling me.

Not my friend but my cousin, thay I used to admire growing up, she was like my role model. She kept giving me awful advice , so that I "give a chance" to a guy I wasn't sure about, result instead of listening to myself I ended up in a very dangerous situation. So since that, I still talk to her but am very distant and I also never talk about me with her nor anything else other than my work or general stuff. My heart is kind of closed off to her and honestly that is entirely her fault.

I told my pick-me friend I was concerned about our co-dependent friendship.

She texted a series of lame-o thank yous for listening all this time and then passively aggressively said I created a hole in the friendship. A genuine friend would have apologized and agreed to work together to navigate the next phase of our friendship.

She only apologized proper after her BF told her she shouldn't treat people like an emotional dustbin. Then she started guilt-tripping me.

It was disappointing. We'd been friends for 22 years and she met her BF barely a year, shouldn't my words count more than him? 🤦🏻‍♀️

There were other major pick-me signs, of course.

This one was the last straw for me.

I was in my home town for work and trying to coordinate with a friend. She was giving vague replies and not much effort into planning when we would meet up. I told her I wanted definite plans before I got there otherwise I'd do something else. The part that bothered me was that I knew if it was her on and off again "boyfriend" she'd drop everything at a moments notice to meet up. I just got fed up and told her I found her behavior unacceptable and I wasn't interested in trying to keep our friendship alive as it was basically on life support and only because of my efforts. Anyways months later her bf tried to rape our mutual friend. There's video proof and everything that she saw and she still stayed with him. They are broken up now but I honestly could never ever be friends with someone like that. Her standing by her man like that was the point of no return. She's dangerous.

PickMe friend who’d arrange outings with me, to spend the night away from her husband + child.. To pull other guys.

Constantly cheating on her husband IN the workplace that we met, and she walked in on me at work getting sexually assaulted (the horror that workplace was) and ‘supported’ me throughout the ordeal, which actually was to cover her own back and stay up to date with the formal process at work, because she was the supervisor on that shift and was worried about that. She stayed in contact with the guy that assaulted me.

Cut her off when her and my LV ex were constantly in a weird competition to take up my time.

She kept intervening into other people’s lives and wanted things a certain way. She failed to realize that the reason why she does this shit is because she has no control in her life since her bf is a controlling mofo. She’s been with him for 7 years (and counting). They have no plans to make anything serious or move towards the next step, but she’s “happy” about the arrangements. The arrangements is that, at his beck and call for a “booty call” she will drop everyone and everything and pack an overnight bag. Oh, and she also quit her job to work for him.

Once I lost her (she crossed a boundary with me), our mutuals got mad called me out for not communicating my anger towards her, and stopped talking to me. I knew that if I did, nothing new would happen. Whenever, people air out their grievances towards her, she gets really emotional, panics and will the pull the “I’m just trying to help” card. And like, “by the laws of that group”, you have to forgive her, due to her innocence and fragility or be seen as a monster. Realizing that there’s no accountability with her, I was like fuck this, I’m out. I went no contact and left without saying anything. The group tried to get us to reconcile and plan things so that I’d be around her.

What I learnt from this ordeal was that, words don’t mean anything, but you have to judge a person by their actions. Your actions are more important than words. She can say whatever she wants to say about me to her friends, I no longer care because they’re fucking losers. Me going back to the group would make me a loser too, so I’ll be damned if I come crawling back to that nonsense.

What made my bff a pick-me was her self-hating ways which resulted in her actively or subconsciously hating women.

One-time she invited me to a family road trip with her sister and her sister's bf. And my bff "forgot" to mention to me that we were stopping by the beach. Everyone there brought swim suit except me.

When her sister and I called her out on it she told me, "Well I thought it was obvious. I shouldn't have to hold your hand and remind you to bring swimsuit. Your a big girl. It's not my fault you didn't do your own research."

Like research on what lol? Research on a beach trip...I didn't know we were going to go too?🤣

She was a part of my former DnD group. One day, I was venting about how the Covid vaccines were being patented by private companies DESPITE the fact that the research had been conducted on public funding. This didn't have any real effect in first world countries because the government was imposing price controls as well as subsidizing their distribution. But third world countries were being forced to pay horrifically exhorbitant prices, which meant that the distribution of the vaccine in third world countries was being restricted to only the wealthy.

I had facts and numbers. I had company names and dates. The Covid vaccine had become a 'special interest' topic for my autistic self during the Pandemic.

Anyhow, I'm venting. And the DM starts arguing with me, disregarding ALL the supporting facts and numbers I was reciting, and started talking in metaphors about 'luxury products' and how the vaccine is a 'luxury' just like fancy cars. It was maddening.

And my 'friend'... Took. His. Side. Even worse... she and I originate from third world countries. We're both WoC. This guy was a white first worlder who was saying that poor people in third world countries are not 'entitled' to vaccines to a global pandemic unless they can pay hiked up corporate prices.

This was the first time that I saw all her pick-me in all its horrifying glory. We're still 'friendly' to this day, but I realized that I can never trust her to have my back in mixed company.