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A friend of mine (let's call her Irene) is going for a friend's wedding in Spain. There's the chance that a guy Irene had a flirtation with will be there because he lives in Spain and knows the couple.
The guy in question (let's call him Daniel) and Irene met at a mutual friend's party in university and clicked. They talked and flirted all night and at the end of it, they said their goodbyes and went home. Irene would tell me how off and on Daniel would be with her whenever they'd cross paths. Some times he'd speak to her, other times he was cold and would act like she had done something to offend him. Since they weren't close, she never asked him what his problem was but was always left confused by his behaviour.
Irene did make the mistake of asking Daniel if he wanted to get a drink with her one Friday night. He told her he'd let her know if he could make it seeing as he had made plans with some friends prior. With hours approaching when they were to meet, she hadn't heard from so she sent him a message asking if he'd still be up for it, to which he replied saying he was sick. He never brought up rescheduling their date so after that Irene, finally decided to stop taking to him.
Now Irene fears meeting him and was asking me hypothetical questions like what if they bump into each other and what if, while talking, he asks her out on a date or asks for them to have a meal and catch up? Irene plans on spending a couple of days in Spain after the wedding so if she said yes, there would be time she could use to spend with him.
I told her that if she were to bump into him, she should be polite but cut the conversation short. How he treated her in uni showed a serious lack of respect for her. Cutting it short would leave him with no opportunity to ask her out on a date. But if he did ask her, I told her to either say no and ask him why he's asking her or to do what he did to her - tell him she's really busy and had already made plans so she'd have to get back to him....then never do. This would be sweet payback for what he did to her.
What do you all think she should do? What would you do in this situation? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Never let a guy who ghosted or disrespected you get another chance.
She should be polite and cordial to him, as she would any new person she would meet at a wedding.
He can go ahead and ask her out if he wants, but she better turn him down
"This would be sweet payback for what he did to her."
i don't know how irene feels about FDS but you and i both know that no matter what, revenge isn't the recommended way. plus irene already sounds way too emotionally invested to leave him alone after getting her payback; otherwise, she would have been level-headed enough to understand what she should do.
no dice. game over. if he wanted to, he would.
he sounds confused...and that is grounds for block + delete/gray rock/no contact.
I think the new policy should be to not go out with a guy unless he has already convinced you that he will not be awful to you.
The vast majority treat you bad before they even take you out anywhere or get you alone. He's already made your friend upset. She should say no, unless he does something to 100% convince her that he's worth her time and make up for his previous rude behavior.
Irene should be like "Daniel who?" and also buy a large fake diamond wedding ring.
If he bumps into her and approaches her at all, Irene needs to pretend to develop amnesia and maybe even pretend not to speak his language. “I have no idea who this man is?” 🤣
Reminder: Confusion is a sign of him disliking her at best and being an abuser at worst.
It's all so very childish! Tell her to remember who she is and not give him a time of the day if she does run into him. A nod is more than enough to acknowledge his existence, then turn away and continue to enjoy the wedding!
He's not going to ask her out on a date because he's not interested. He's 1 avoided her in the past and 2 blew her off when she directly asked him out, first with saying he had other plans and then saying he was sick. This man doesn't give a fuck about your friend and she is best served not thinking about him. He may not even remember her and certainly isn't trying to bump into her.
She should leave every conversation she's in that he tries to join with exactly this demeanor 😜
Not showing emotion is key here. If he's in her vicinity she can politely greet and him and then move out of his vicinity to interact with other people. Ignoring him would show she cares and holds a grudge. It would be an ego boost for him to see his actions still affect her. Being rude would do the same. I always tell fellow women, " Feel what you feel and validate it internally to yourself and amongst friends. But don't show it to men. " Curt and cordial is the best action. Time lost is never regained. Why spend anytime with a man who has clearly shown no interest and also paired this disinterest with disrespect. No harm in talking /flirting with other single men at the wedding (don't sleep with anyone though). It shows one has no self value or respect if they entertain such poor behaviour. She should show casual disinterest without being rude. If he asks her to spend time together, it would better for her to decline and say she has plans with friends and will be too busy. If he tries to engage her in conversation beyond a greeting she can say, "oh my friend over there needs me, I gotta go."
Interaction beyond a polite greeting is not necessary. If she HAS to talk with him it would be in her best interests to grey rock him, meaning to be as uninteresting as possible. Response to with one word answers like "yes," "no," "oh," "interesting," "wow," "that's nice." Don't ask him questions about himself or even try to be engaging in any way. And also remain politely disinterested in anything that he has to say.
She could also pretend not to even remember who he is. I've done this to men before. It's hilarious.
This happened to me once. A date was arranged and on the day…crickets! I sent him a voice note as I wanted to know if I should bother getting ready…..crickets!!! Two days later he replies with how something came up and was really busy with his house, he also slipped in that he wasn’t feeling great from a heavy weekend! I was furious! But I had some decorum and just said it was very disrespectful but hope you feel better soon. He replied with how sorry he was but I never replied again!! No rescheduling also gave me my answer. To this day I have not heard from him and I haven’t reached out…never will! I had to do alot of healing from him so if he EVER came back he would seriously get the finger. I’m not being a mug! I hope she laughs in his face and walks away lol! I’d struggle to be conversational with someone again who did that to me. I pray she meets an amazing guy there instead:)
So she asked him out and he turned her down. Why would she have anything else to do with this man other than a polite hello?
Sounds like my situation and even though I got the guy to finally ask me out properly I wish I didn’t bother.
If she wants this guy, she should do what I did - be genuinely salty that he blew her off and naturally ignore the crap out of him. All of a sudden, they start chasing when you do this. Then unlike me, I suggest she do it forever because the minute she gets interested he will flip again.