What to do when you want intimacy but refuse to settle?

To be brutally honest? I just suck it up and deal. I miss intimacy too, but then I remember why my standards are what they are and it’s the metaphorical cold shower I need to set me straight.

There is intimacy outside of relationships. And I don't mean hookups. Hugging a friend or family member, cuddling a pet, getting a massage or treating yourself to a spa weekend with nice treatments, upgrading your bed and couch to be the warmest, coziest place ever or just simple masturbation (if you are into that).

See it as self care and investing in your own comfort and happiness. You deserve it.

It's kind of like "I want a drink but I'm abstinent" or "I want this burger but I always feel awful afterwards". Desires are normal, and they are not commands to be obeyed, just signals. Currently I'm really looking hard at which choices lead me to self-abusing behaviors and which are truly compassionate towards myself. To stay with the burger analogy, sometimes having takeout is really good for me, but other times it would just be self-harm via food. An inner voice that says I can't live without the unhealthy food anyway, or that I'm too lazy to cook, so I might just as well go for it. We confirm our own helplessness that way. We confirm our inability to make smarter choices, because deep down we believe we're too weak to resist. Observe the narratives you create in your head. What makes you think you can't live without sex? It sounds like a stupid question, but it's worth investigating. What do you think you'll miss out on that you can't possibly give up? It's not easy, it's actually quite difficult. But it's not impossible. You'll hold yourself in higher regard when you act in alignment with your own values. That is worth more than short-term satisfaction, which, if we're being honest, isn't guaranteed with most men anyway.

Self respect >> fleeting intimacy

I struggle with this too especially as someone who has a very high sex drive. I try to distract myself, go out with friends, get lots of hugs from them, go to a spa, get a massage done, etc. it’s not easy. My last resort is masturbation but I also don’t want to get used to it, sex is everywhere … every show and every movie now as well which make things worse. However, being disciplined and able to say no to things that are not beneficial to you tests your strength and your desires. We all have desires but it doesn’t mean we should act on them if they are harmful for us. Imagine having a wonderful safe vanilla loving sex with a great man who will make sure you are happy and satisfied??? Imaging him if you want to :) no shame in that.

IDK. I just won't take the risks anymore. I won't endure the mistreatment anymore. I have a great dildo and imagination. While it doesn't replace warm, lovely intimacy, I have to keep in mind what currency a woman has to spend to get that intimacy. There was always a price higher than reasonable. The warm lovely intimacy is addictive then the bs seems navigable. I don't have the energy for that.

Recently I was on a trip, attended an event, and met a bunch of men who I enjoyed talking with. One was obnoxious and doing cock bock stuff but I was a little drunk and my social skills were rusty thanks to covid lockdown. So I realized too late what he was doing after I was tired and done for the night. Then, after a night of him interrupting my conversations to try to engage me in an argument with him, and being dull as hell otherwise, he demanded to know if "this was going to happen or not." I was a little taken aback. Then just said flatly "no." I went back to chatting with a much more interesting man. Then I left and slept blissfully alone in my very comfortable hotel bed. The look on his face was funny. But I was irritated that I didn't recognize what he was doing sooner because I was more interested in other men. I wouldn't have bedded any of them but would have liked to get a phone number or email or something. Asshole.

Most attractive men become low effort and spoilt overall because the receive too much easy access to sex. Let's deny them that :D

I'd say just do self-pleasure. It is disease free and has orgasm guarantee. But in case you cannot. You can

1. Deny sex to attractive guys you might be interested in & date them for many months before even entertaining the idea

2. Use the company of a nice men you are not physically attracted to if you really really need intimacy

You will never be used for sex or get emotionally attached because you are simply not romantically interested in the latter.

For the former: It just completely spoils their whole stupid mind game. Men believe only 'alpha' or top 20% males get sex. Once they teach that status they proceed to treat women badly just because they think they can..

If you need a good time at least fuck them over a bit. Don't stroke an f-boys ego

I think about how I won't enjoy it unless he has all the non negotiable HVM qualities. It's not easy 😕

I made friends with high value guys that I don’t find attractive or aren’t right for me in some other capacity. I have found that high value guys and attractive guys are both common by themselves, but it’s rare to find a combination of the two.

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