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It's a big deal because the event is in ANOTHER COUNTRY, and was part of my plan to get myself doing fun things.
There's a poster for a show I've worked on for 3 years now, and I thought - why am I not using my connections to do more cool shit like that? The artist I work for has been an actual friend to me through the pandemic. I wanted to see her, it felt like a good idea.
But in a fucked up turn of events, the guy's band got announced as the support for the show. I didn't even see the lineup, someone else edited that part and I literally saw it as it got announced.
FML.
I work/ed(😭) with his band, it's the same management company. So it's not weird, it was just a huge shock, because when I saw his manager (also my friend, but closer with him) he didn't know about the show yet. (That's how much their company doesn't communicate lol, but obviously after that he asked to get his band on it).
I also don't want it to look like I decided to go to this to try and see him. It's gonna look so extreme, I wouldn't spend that much money to try and run into the guy who hurt me so fucking bad. No, I worked on that fucking art. I wanted a holiday.
I'm literally on record telling his manager I wanted to go, before I knew this. I told him I was working on the art, and he was asking me about travel and I said that's what I wanted to do this year.
But I don't know how to prove that to anyone else... cause his manager doesn't know about us either (that's how bad that was, please don't scold me for this part, I made a lot of exceptions in lockdowns and he really pushed and pushed to make me think he cared)
I'm just still not in a very good place with my confidence/mental health. After already going through shit in the pandemic, the way he treated me on top of that. I have never been so roped in emotionally, he really fucked me around. It's killing me thinking I'm gonna see him there.
I guess any stories for how you acted in a situation like that and then felt fire? Any advice, I don't fucking know.
Live your life and don't worry about controlling the narrative. Scrotes are delusional and will think we're stalking them no matter what.
Can you not just ignore him when you're there? I think flat out ignoring his presence and existence when you are there will send a stronger message. If the event is big enough, you might not even run into him. If he insists on talking to you, stick to one-word answers and politely disengage from that conversation. Or just keep the ignoring act going, and act like you can't hear him or you don't see him. If the venue is dimly lit, crowded, and with music playing... You can make this not seeing and not hearing him act look very natural. After all, the music was loud.
Find a friend to go with. Talk to this friend at the event. Use them to shield you from unwanted male attention. Men are less likely to approach you when you're not alone. Doesn't even have to be another man or a date. Just women friends around you, having them around you, can intimidate a man out of approaching you.
Don’t worry about trying to control what other people think. It sounds like many of the people in your social/professional circle aren’t even aware of any history between the two of you anyway. Talk to and hang out with the people you’re going there to see, and pretend he doesn’t exist. If he or someone from his band tries to talk to you, just say “oh, I didn’t know you were going to be here. That’s great that you managed to get a gig.” And then go back to talking to other people.
Just pretend he doesn’t exist. It’s simple and men hate it when you don’t acknowledge their existence.
why do you care so much about what everyone else thinks...?
if being there is detrimental to your health then you know what you must do.
You don't need to prove anything to anyone. He's definitely not thinking as much about this as you are, you may not even run into each other and this is not worth the stress. Even if you cross paths, literally just look in the opposite direction.
Hi! Act as your heart tells you, don't let this guy embarrass you, be confident. Just walk beautifully without paying attention to him.