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So I used to date all wrong. Kiss men on the first date to " lock them down", then get hurt if they still wanted to see others. Now, I have decided I won't kiss until they commit to me and don't plan other dates.
However, I still feel like I am not intetested in dating men who are in the process of courting others. Especially if we are talking all day and it's then leading nowhere. Now I know we shouldn't talk too much on the apps, but I don't want to plan a date with a guy or travel if I am unsure if we will at least have things to talk about. And once I spent several days chatting, I end up annoyed if they cancel the date last minute because they met someone else. How to proceed in a non-pickme way? Ideally, after two or three dates I would like to kiss to see if I feel attraction, and them talking to others would ruin me.
Also, I do not plan to date until I am healed more and have a fool-proof battle plan. Just trying to fill in the gaps here.
If they are not going out of their way to impress and accommodate you, it doesn't matter what they say with their words. This is the minimum expression of interest from a man before you even think about "locking him down" (you can't, thats THEIR job to convince you to be with him). Please innerstand that almost all men lie, and almost all men want as many women as they can get away with having. If you took a moment to consider the psychology behind swiping on 20 girls before he looks at your pic for 2 seconds while farting on the toilet, you would never take it personally... and you'd probably delete the apps too. It's very hard to accept but true. Truth=(direct observation+real evidence)/time. That's just the world we live in where the Tinder swindlers and even actual murderers thrive on the anonymity of online dating and you have to vet like crazy.
I think you need to be more realistic about what men are. I've used the word delusional which doesn't take into account the brainwashing we've receive from birth, but what I mean is being fundamentally unaware of how men actually operate, and they are almost nothing like us in their motivations and thought processes, so I feel like if you knew that it might hurt less. You can't squeeze water out of a stone. Freeze your eggs or adopt if you really want a family but tbh we will be fucked anyway from the environmental destruction.. Ask yourself why you really want a relationship so much? The whole concept of forever marriage is rooted in control. Most couples who made it 20+ years had to compromise major parts of themselves, mostly the women, and tend to have a "it is what it is" attitude. Its not what makes them crazy happy in life.
Even with all the pickmes out there, the divorce rates are still over 50% in countries where women have freedom and the majority are initiated by women, because it's a raw deal. for us
Every woman should read this blog: https://trustyourperceptions.wordpress.com/2016/05/07/semen-mens-chemical-war-against-women-no-skip-intro/
And if you want to know the harshest truth about men: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPMOjevpQko&ab_channel=InTheseTimes%3Aspeakingforthemind
Men are filled with testosterone, 20 times more than women, and socialized in a completely different way. We need to realize we are fundamentally different and in general cannot expect them to think & move the same as we do.
That being said it's not wrong to be disgusted by this behavior. It's just that your desire for control over the situation will only lead to more frustration. You cannot control anyone but yourself. You shouldn't even hate them because hatred and happiness cannot coexist.
The sad truth is with so many women evolving, many of us will not find our equal partner. You have to find a way to accept that and let go of control because this will never be something you can make happen off your own hard work like any other achievement. You can only choose to say yes when and if what you actually want shows up. Never settle.