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As a 30-something woman, I grew up on old school dating advice. In the pre-smartphone era, it was universal knowledge that "if he's not calling you, he's just not that into you".
However, in the 21st century, our communication is dominated by texts. Do you think the same rule applies (i.e., a man who is serious about you will initiate phone/Zoom calls, and if he does not, then he is being frivolous) in 2023?
If you believe phone calls are still an important indicator of interest, how often do you think a man should initiate them?
I am looking for FDS-appropriate answers.
Texting has led to textlationships I think. Where people feel like they have these deep meaningful conversations through text. But they meet irl and it's just awkward or not as much chemistry they thought they had. And it makes you feel like you're very close to him before you've actually spent the appropriate time together to build that closeness.
My strategy is telling him I prefer phone calls, unless it's something quick like verifying a date or sending me the restaurant address. And I think hvm respect my wishes. Lvm will still try the low effort heys and making random chit chat through the day.
How often.. I think phone calls should be seldom and they should be initiating in person dates to get a hold of us. I hate daily calls, I hate ppl wanting to fall asleep to each other while face timing, I hate him calling just cuz he's bored and uses you a an entertainment system.
And keep phone calls on the shorter end. Pre-date screen call should only be 20mins. Then chatty calls should only be at your convienence and don't let them turn into several hours. They need to actually court us in person so we can vet!! Its so easy to say whatever on the phone but we need to vet their actions cuz scrotes lie
Maybe this is just me, but I don’t value texts or phone calls very much. Basically, I see them as just for making plans & communicating necessary information. A sweet text is also okay once in a while but I’ve had boyfriends who will write me novels via texting & expect the same in return. It’s just such a time suck, you know?? It’s just not worth it to me honestly.
People are far more likely to have communication issues if they are very text reliant. There is a lack of spontaneity with texting since there's no sense of urgency that you would get in a phone call or real life, for a response.
When I did online dating, I made it clear that I preferred phone calls to texting and filtered men out that way. If they had a problem with this small boundary, and call for effort, even pre FDS, I no longer had interest in these men. I was also able to weed out some chemistry problems in chatting on the phone. This helped with safety, since I generally ended up on dates with more respectful men with consideration for my safety and time. Also a nice bonus is you end up with a man with ability to hold up his end to have an engaging conversation.
I personally vastly prefer text to phone calls. I hate talking on the phone.
I can't stand long text "conversations", either. So point well taken on avoiding "textlationships".
Phones are for conveying necessary information quickly and efficiently, not for dithering around, as far as I'm concerned. I don't like wasting a lot of time on the phone, period.
Anyone who wants to keep me on the phone at length annoys the crap out of me. I don't have time for this. State your business and let me go about my day. 😑
Saying you prefer phone calls is a great idea if you actually do prefer phone calls. They can't call you when they're with another woman, so it might weed out some cheaters, because that makes it too inconvenient for them. Too bad I really, really hate talking on the phone. 😆
Anyway, if we're talking about someone you've already been on a date with, he should be trying to set up the next date if he's interested. Actual plan. Not vague bullshit. Not pointless blather to keep you on the hook. Calling or texting, neither mean much without action to back it up.
We can't be sure early on if a man is HV, and even HVM can change to LVM over time.
It’s different at different stages. But i have noticed that men who I been with stopped initiating more than just phone calls and texts. They stop initiating dates or get complacent in a relationship like not even initiating affection, cleaning up after themselves, what to eat for dinner, anything fun to do together.
I hate that feeling of being the only one who cares. I don’t want that feeling again. I think it’s more of how they make you feel. If you feel like you're the one putting in the effort and not them, it’s bad