What is FDSs stance on who pays in a relationship?

When you're in a relationship with a

H(!)VM you pretty much don't own a wallet anymore.

He should always pay.

If another guy in your life wants to go 50/50... It's time to dump him, because he feels like he doesn't need to court and impress you anymore, but that should never stop.

He should always feel like he's about to lose you.

Posts like this are why we need the handbook (or a version of) as a pinned post on the forum.

It's a little frustrating how "men paying" is what people introduced to FDS get the most obsessed over. It's usually the thing that it's criticized the most for. Meanwhile, most hetero relationships are NOT equal but that is consistently overlooked due to money being primarily a male concern - they don't typically have much else to offer or exploit. Women's interests are the last thing anyone considers or gives a shit about, or it's our fault if some scrote uses us for sex (as an example). Personally, I would have rather lost $50 paying for someone else's meal rather than what men have done to me.

I think it's also a defensive reaction to men using their economic power as a means to dominate and control women, as if the situation is just that black and white. Pay for all the meals if you want ladies, scrotes will STILL abuse you. Letting a man exploit you financially as well will not protect you. Not only that, you will still be held 100% responsible if he abuses you or the relationship fails, regardless of his contribution. "Equality" is a joke as it only comes up when men want sex and for you to pay for them, no one regards you as equal to a man.

But sure, keep fretting over how much of some piddly meal he's paying for while what he gets from having you in his life is immeasurable.

Offical = married. Until you're married, you're just dating and it's not serious. Therefore, increase your strength by not giving a fuck about this and making him pay all the time until you get a ring.

if he complains, you leave. simple as that. you can't expect to be comfortable with HV men paying if you're already uncomfortable at the idea of a scrote grumbling about it.

unless i was getting him a gift, and i usually get one not expecting any in return, he always pays or i walk.

Remember that men's biological imperative is to be providers, givers. Some men will do that eagerly, some will whine about doing it, but it doesn't matter: they will resent you for providing for them. It threatens their gender identity. In order to reclaim their masculinity, they'll resort to abuse, cheating, or "putting you in your place." While still letting you pay, of course.

Sure a high value man will never do that, but those are rare and take years to find. You may be 100% sure that he is high value by year 5, then he shows his true colors by year 6. Then you'll feel like a fool because you were so giving to a guy who didn't respect you for it.

If you’re looking for a nuanced answer, he should pay ALL the time, but with consideration of age, financial situation, income, commitments, etc. Nonetheless, he MUST ALWAYS have a generous personality!

For example, my HVM's moving out of home and buying a car (which are huge investments given his age/income), and it's partially because his parents are forcing him to financially help for his (problematic) sister. We've made SMALL adjustments in our dating life to accomodate a bit, but he is STILL EXTREMELY GENEROUS and has NEVER slacked on time, effort, or passion: he cooks and cleans for my entire family, showers me with thoughtful gifts, prepares lovely baths and massages every night, and likes to drive me everywhere. I might pay a bit more temporarily, but it still feels like 100:0. Whether that's FDS-aligned or not, it works nicely since he's so HV.

My financial contributions are just little expenses and gifts for special occasions. For example I’ll get coffees/muffins for us before work and treat him to things if I feel like it. He still pays for everything else.

I don’t believe in 50/50 because men never do 50/50 anywhere else. Only financially because that benefits them the most.

Provide or leave. That’s the only option men have.

i think a man should pay but also make your own money

My boyfriend always pays and we've been in a committed relationship for 1.5 years. I mean, I've bought him gifts on special occasions or something cute if I thought he'd like it but in general he pays for dates, groceries, random stuff when we're out together etc.

I think if we got married I'd go 50/50 on buying major assets (e.g. the house, investment properties etc.) so that way if there's a divorce there's even more grounds for an equitable outcome for me and because it'd improve our standard of living more. I know some women on here don't think you should go 50/50 for even that. I'd imagine it'd depend on to what extent you want a big house balanced against to what extent you'e comfortable working.

Also, people sometimes couch this on FDS as if it's a matter of him needing to always think he could lose you. I do think some guys can be secure in a relationship and still want to spend money on you simply because they love you and it makes them happy and feel good about themselves. Not everything needs to be motivated by fear and insecurity.

Here we go again....

I don't feel financially obligated to a boyfriend. A marriage, maybe, but the jury's still out on that. I buy things if I want them and sometimes he gets a use out of it too (like a new board game) and get him gifts for birthdays and Christmas, and that's it. If I couldn't afford a date / expected me to pay, we simply wouldn't go. When he has a good reason to be frugal he can come up with fun things that don't cost money. Why do I need to be concerned with his finances? It's his problem. And a man who acts like he has a right to your money is trash.

I don't really have any interest in dating a man who can't afford to take me out on dates. My father takes my stepmother out on amazing dates and vacations frequently. I can't even imagine a scenario where my dad asks her to pay half. And she has a high paying job.

in my family, my father is the provider, but he used to drink a lot and be very abusive to my mother. they are divorced now. currently, i know a total of zero couples where the man is the provider. and form all the couples i know irl, the most successful ones go 50/50 - although not all couples who go 50/50 are successful.

i agree with the points made by FDSers about men providing and all, but i still have mixed feelings due to my own observations and the fact that it is extremely difficult to find a man nowadays who will willingly provide all the time.

so i don't really have an answer to your question. you can be abused by any man, no matter how much he spends on you. i say: do what you feel more comfortable doing and find someon who matches. the successful couples i know are people who found very compatible partners, who shared similar values.

about the women, i know one who is a radfem and her man earns more money than her and provides for her when she can't contribute, but they share financial responsibilities when the both of them have incomes. i don't know abou the details of such responsibilities. i've seen first hand how he does house chores, and he agrees with her radfem values.

there's another one who is definitely not a feminist, she doesn't even like feminism. she thinks it's very hypocritical when a "so called feminist states the man should pay for everything" because "woen can afford things now" and "she wants to be financially independent but still want to be a gold digger" etc. despite the bs, her marriage is very successful. her husband also provides when she can't contribute financially, he also do house chores, he's loyal, etc.

and there is yet another radfem who makes 3x more money than her husband (he has a shit job and is trying to change careers to find something that pays more) so she inevitably pays for more stuff than he does. she always says they struggle financially. she says he is a wonderful, perfect husband. he is an ally when it comes to her radfem ways, he takes care of her when she has health problems (sha has several, mental and physical), does house chores, etc. she recently had some serious health problems (she could have died) and he was by her side helping with everything the entire time, doing what women do everyday basically (taking care of domestic tasks, college and working at a regular job). this is what she says about him.

so basically, what i've noticed is that the most important thing isn't a rule of "ok, from this point on, we'll go 50/50" or "we'll never ever go 50/50". it's more about finding someone who shares your values, who is compatible and stays by your side no matter what. if you don't want to go 50/50, than don't. if you are ok with doing so, than do. just remember to keep vetting for all the other important stuff too.

(ok, now bring the downvotes)