I genuinely am asking to know as a woman who wants to be smart and ethical about dating. I understand why women here may encourage keeping a “scrotation” to practice healthy detachment from men and to have options. However, when are we supposed to stop having multiple men that we vet? Because if someone asks me to be his girlfriend exclusively, should he not expect me to be faithful to him like I expect him to be faithful to me? I just want to know from FDS sisters when is it appropriate to multi date then and when is it cheating since I hear people saying “single until married”. I also understand that phrase can just mean focusing on ourselves and our personal growth more than any thing.
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When you get to boyfriend/girlfriend stage you are exclusive. Obviously its LV to be secretly dating on the side.
Single until married mindset to me means that even though you have a boyfriend, you will plan your life and live it as if you are single and prioritize your dreams and aspirations. Boyfriend wants to make a big move? Byeee! Boyfriend wants to go back to school and thinks you'll support him? You arent married, that has 0 benefit for you. Byyye.
You move where you want. You make the career, school, and financial decisions that benefit YOU the most. He doesnt get a say in your life without the legal commitment, when your finances become more joint. Make your life decisions as if you are single because I promise you men are socialized to priortize themselves above you and dont give a fuck about your life goals and dreams.
It essentially means don’t get too excited because he’s just a boyfriend or situationship. A boyfriend means nothing. He’s not a fiancé, he’s not a husband, he’s not family. He’s just a man who wants to have sex with you and hasn’t promised you anything tangible or taken any actions toward showing you he’s serious about you.
When you are unmarried you are free to make your own decisions without including or accounting for a boyfriend. Your money is yours and he has no say in how it is spent. Your time is yours and he has no say in how it is spent. Too many women make their lives revolve around their man and then end up forever girlfriends who end up losing out on careers, friends, travels, and a better quality of life in general.
You don’t put your life on hold hoping a boyfriend will marry you. You don’t let him move in with you just because he asks (moving in together means nothing —it’s not romantic and it’s not a sign of a serious relationship on his end). You don’t do any wifey shit for him (cooking, cleaning, laundry, home decorating etc) because he’s just a boyfriend. You keep one foot out the door in case he disrespects you or a better option comes along who does offer you a tangible future together.
You don’t owe a mere boyfriend anything. Don’t let him guilt trip you, shame you, or play the victim to get what he wants. Your singleness is power —especially today. You’re in the driver’s seat. Don’t let a mere boyfriend “drive” your life.
Roster dating is a separate strategy that is meant for the early stages of dating before any commitments are agreed on. If one of the men you are dating eventually asks for exclusivity, then you can agree and solely date him, or refuse and dump him and continue roster dating. Roster dating isn’t meant to be long-term.
It means you don't fully devote yourself to a man who hasn't married you. You always keep an eye out for if other men are treating you better than your boyfriend, and you always keep perspective on how transient and unimpactful the role of boyfriend is on your life.
To me it means that when I have a boyfriend we are exclusive. We are not seeing anyone else. So no, I’m not dating anyone else and my scrotation is done. we don’t live together and we keep our lives separate until an engagement. HOWEVER, if I meet someone who is a better match for me, someone I like better etc I know I can leave quick because our lives are not intertwined.
I don’t think of a boyfriend as serious but it’s a step to getting engaged/married. When he does these things then you know he’s serious about you.
Id advise to not think of your boyfriend as a “serious boyfriend“ there’s no Such thing. Serious is a husband.
so think of yourself as single until you are engaged/married
Coz men will keep you around as gfs forever ! Till they find the dream girl . Having a gf means shit to them . So many cases where the guy is with a woman for a long time only to drop her and marry another one within months . That’s why it’s important for you to know that a man who is intrested in you will not keep you as a gf for so many years .don’t give your youth to a single guy who hasn’t claimed you as his wife because there is absolutely no way to predict what that relationship will be after few years men have zero remorse wasting our time and youth . Some of them even string us along till we lose our youth .
I’ve read the manual a few times too and wondered the same thing. Maybe we are supposed to keep an open mind to dating other men despite being in an exclusive relationship outside of marriage? Ie being open to someone who’s an ever better fit for us? Don’t take ourselves fully off of the market before marriage?I agree that I wouldn’t be having sexual relations outside of the relationship as it’s unethical if you’ve agreed to exclusivity. I’d end it before moving things along with the new man if he seems like a better fit? I’d be upset though if my boyfriend kept dating other women (even if no sex) just because we weren’t yet married.
I think my post will help: https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com//forum/dating-relationships/when-were-you-shocked-by-the-misogyny-of-the-dating-world
What would you recommend for women who don’t want to get married?
I know we are legally single until married as well, but I’m unsure of what FDS thinks about dating more than one man before marriage as many relationships are supposed to be monogamous.