What are some non pickme related red flags in potential female friends?

Believing “sex work” is empowering.

Acting like we're BFFs from the very get-go when we barely know each other. It's never ended well for me.

Digs and backhanded compliments. Inconsistency

disrespecting your boundries

disrespecting your time (frequently cancels plans last minute)

blames shitty behaviour on mental health issues

lazy (borrows your stuff without your permission)

doesn't reciprocate the dedication to the friendship (you feel like you're her friend, but she isn't your friend)

I have a green flag lol

Randomly assigned college roommate. Me in my abusive relationship I thought I was doing a good job of making sound normal. Like a week into living together she comes home and I'm on skype with him and she very loudly goes "Oooh! Is that your shitty boyfriend?" I was so surprised by her direct-ness I was just like "yep. yep it is." We're still friends. I officiated her wedding a couple years ago.

So generally; someone who calls it like they see it.

Friends who gladly accept your help, but disappear when you need their help.

I think as a general rule, it's best to take friendships slowly and don't reveal too much about yourself until you've vetted the person and feel confident that they can be trusted. As you say, if someone is trauma dumping or oversharing when they've only just met you, that's a red flag. Either they're telling the truth and they have poor social skills/boundaries or they're lying in order to gain your trust. Either way, it's not good. Generally, it's a red flag if someone tries to get too close to you too fast e.g. calling you their "best friend" when they've only just met you or asking very invasive questions.

When they try to challege your standards.

For ecample I once said I won't go to a fast food restaurant with a dude because that's not a date and the person said that men take you there to see what kind of woman you are so I say I don't care what he thinks, when I'm asked out you cater to my wishes.

Trying to change your appearance in a way they like it, another example I don't wear earrings and a person keeps saying she'll be so happy when I get myself some lovely earrings to wear.

When they are nice to you and then later ask for a favor. It doesn't matter how small. That's how they test the waters to see how much they can take by being your friend.

Being disregarding towards your food or gifts, when you offer your friend a drink and throws half of it away or maybe shake the soda can to make is squirt while she would never do it to a drink she bought with her own money then cut her off in a heartbeat.

When you question her once like " I hope you will do that" or " I hope so" and she responds with hostility like " Since when have I ever lied to you???" cut her off.

When she meddles with your personal business but gets upset with you or behave dismissive when you meddle with hers.

When she is with her friends or new friends and you notice a slight difference in how she treats you then watch out, she's not your friend.

I dealt with women like that and they aren't worth forgiving.

Not celebrating and greeting your birthday but celebrates the other members of the friend group.

Excluding you but when they have no one to hangout, they invited you. AKA treating you like an option.

They only talk about themselves and uninterested about you.

Never happy about your achievements. Never congratulates you. Only likes you when you are miserable.

When you guys only talk about problems, misery, their toxic relationship. They never talk about goals and dreams. They are always pessimistic and there is no good future in being with them.

I would say women who end up having a really close friendship with someone then when they meet someone new, they do the same then it goes on and on. They flop between friends. I always find it odd and find that there is a lack of depth and self worth in their lives.

Hang out with her somewhere like a bar. If she immediately starts ignoring you the second a guy tries chatting her up-- you got a pick me on your hands.

Not respecting boundaries that I have set.

Asking personal stuff about me, especially very early on. These women are usually very passive aggressive and deliberately spread stuff around for attention.

Women that resent me because I refuse to conform to everyone around me

Gossip

Kleptomaniacs, especially as roommates.

Overly clingy female friends that blow up my phone and then get mad when I tell them I want to be left alone.

Women that are mean to children. I don't have a problem with childfree women or women that don't enjoy being around kids but if she hurts a child or acts verbally abusive towards one I'll never forgive her. Reported and blocked.

Women that frequently talk about sex or make sexual/vulgar jokes. I find it very gross and trashy. I don't want to constantly hear about their sex life. That should be private.

Women that try to encourage me to do irresponsible things. (Basically bad influences)

Nitpicky women that try to completely change me because they think they know better. If I wanted you to try and change me I would have hired you as a therapist. If you strongly disagree with who I am as a person then why even include me in your life? Makes no sense.

Women that dislike animals. Women that are mean to animals. Women that kill feral cats with rat poison/antifreeze because they see them as "pests"

Women that are addicted to porn. Especially the weird ones that are into yaoi. They creep me out and always try to ruin all the fictional characters I like with their weird fan art and fanfictions. They treat me like a bigot if I feel grossed out by it.

Women who impulse buy/hoard animals and neglect/abandon them once they get bored. Women who frequently buy pets but don't research their care requirements.

Messy houses/hoarding

Bad hygiene

Unemployed and not in school

Has a crabs in the bucket mentality. Wants to drag you down with them because they're resentful.

Fake insincere compliments. I see it as passive aggressive.

Any admission to feeling jealousy. Especially if it is followed by not complementing you for things not related to whatever she admitted she was jealous of. If she ever downplays any accomplishment even if she praises you constantly- even for the same thing she downplayed.

If she doesn't know how to take care of herself and make good decisions not only will she be unreliable but she will also expect you to show up for her routine tragedies that are usually a result of her not following your advise.

If any person tells you- after hearing you vent about a situation a lot- that they actually disagreed with your actions from the beginning but didn't tell you- they are actively sabotaging you.

Sister to jealousy is the incessant comparison of her life with yours. There is a lack of empathy necessary for putting someone in a position to downplay their accomplishments to make herself look better.

They like to gossip or go out of their way to be nice to you even though the two of you have just met.

One big red flag for avoidant types is that they hate vulnerability. They hate seeing you at a vulnerable moment (happens to the best of us) or they themselves have a poor coping mecanism when they're vulnerable. They have contempt toward anyone (including themselves) who shows any kind of vulnerability.

Another red flag I've witnessed too late : constantly in a competition with everyone else but you. Trust they'll be in a competition with you soon enough.

And finally a big one... they are in a codependent relationship with another friend, likely their "best" friend. They put this friend on a pedestal and barely distinguish themselves from their friend ("we are practically the same !"). Trust you will be compared to that friend at some point and devalued. Also, it is at the very least a red flag for lack of maturity/deep rooted insecurity and at the worst... a narcissist lies below the surface of one of them.