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I'm turning 24 in a week. I know this question has been asked before here, but I would like you ladies to share some life wisdom. If you'd be 24 again (or younger), what would you differently? What steps would you take, which you didin't at that time? What are some good habits and mindsets to cultivate as a woman before you hit 30?
Any kind of advice is welcome, from practical advice about self care or housekeeping, to finance, education, female friendships and advice about dating and men. I really don't want to miss out on those years and look back at them with regret.
Thank you in advance 😊
Keep the focus on career and education. Live a life worth living completely separate from any man. Accept that you will see many weddings over the next 6 years. A wedding isn't an accomplishment.
Setting yourself up to own your own place *IS* an actual accomplishment. Engage in behaviors that facilitate a high credit score.
You will look the same but better at 30, you will make a lot of money and be secure and comfortable. There is little benefit to a relationship compared to a vibrator. R E L A X and don't rush. You have not even developed yet socially and physically. Wait and continue your self development. You will turn into something beautiful with limitless opportunity. There is no rush. Carefully study and examine every interest you have. Babies are not fun and you don't really want them. But your AMH levels will be 4+ at 30 so you have 20 years to wait for your husband is you decide to marry. There is no limit in your creative and reproductive power and you can be as picky as you want. You have nearly unlimited time. There is no lack. - This is literally what I would Tell myself.
Also all of the FDS rules
Focus on being your best self. Friends come and go. Don’t be afraid to cut toxic people out of your life, they only bring you down. Attention from men isn’t worth shit. At the end of the day the only person that is going to take care of you is you. Give yourself grace but always keep moving forward.
- Do not let a boyfriend move in with you. Do not put him on the lease, and do not let him stay at your house when you go to work. He will become a hobosexual and leech. Do not give a guy a key to your house either.
- You do not need to respond and answer any texts and phone calls you do not feel like or want to respond to. Calls and texts are requests not legally mandatory.
- The more you do, the more he’ll expect you to do. If you start having food at the house, cooking, and cleaning that will be the “norm”. Easier to say no and not do that right off the bat. It’s also easier to be unavailable a lot from the get-go so he isn’t expecting you to be wrapped around his finger.
- Do the least amount of work possible to counteract the fact that men are stellar at siphoning out free labor and energy from women. Recently, I’ve cancelled plans here and there when the guy started to stress me out, and I’ve saved myself sooo much time and energy.
- Invest in a surveillance camera. Men are better behaved when they know they are being filmed.
- Prioritize yourself always. Hanging out, sitting around, or being a therapist to a guy won’t make you money, improve your career, or get you anywhere.
- it’s ok to leave a bad date or hangout. Do not stay if you don’t want to stay. It’s a waste of your time.
I would tell my 18-21 year old self to love men a little so that it takes a little to get rid of them when they show their true colours. Walk away with any sign of disrespect Because it’s better to regret snapping ties with people than regret not snapping ties with them when you realise they have screwed you over so bad and make you look like the villain.
Your career is your life raft, don’t forsake it for children or a man, your career stays with you longer than people so always choose a career.
Making a dream come true is never too late if you start now, It will be too late if you sit there and do nothing.
Don’t believe a man’s word if he can’t prove it.
Always be independent and ready to walk from anything that does not serve you. Always have savings. Always protect yourself and put you first. Always. Not that you’ll never need or accept help, you should from trusted people if you need it and it’s not weak to do so, but always be ready to stand on your own two ten toes down at any time. Know yourself and become ironclad in your boundaries and values. The immovable mover. The relationship you should have with yourself should be beautiful. She loves you and is your friend and only wants the best for you. Treat her how you want a man to treat you and the change in yourself will shake you.
Cultivate a mindset of abundance and gratitude. Take the reins of your life, you are in control. You make impacts and influence on the world. Make vision boards of what you envision for yourself and seek to make it reality. Find inspiration in other powerful women, fictional or real. If you struggle with self-confidence, creating an alter-ego helped me so much. Whenever I would struggle to make a decision I would ask what she would do and she has yet to steer me wrong. She feels like a friend in rough waters and she is always with me.
It is ok to want to understand what happened to you. But know that one day you will just need to pull those weeds and be done with it. Focus on you, your career, your car, your health, your money, your personal growth and wisdom and you will literally be set for life. No one can take these away from you, at least not without a fight. Make them fight.
When I was 20, I dated a man I found physically and emotionally repulsive. I dated him because I did not want to be alone. Whenever we had sex, it felt like rape, because I felt so disgusted by his face and body. He was very coercive about sex, and what he did to me would probably be considered rape nowadays in the U.S.
I am in my 30s and would tell my 20-year-old self to ghost that scrote, level up at school, and jump into a lucrative career as fast as possible. Having money in your 20s will give you many options in your 30s.
Build your life to be exactly how you want it. Enjoy life, have fun.
Build relationships with, and surround yourself with healthy, HV people.
And if you’re not surrounded by those kind of people, keep yourself to yourself and enjoy a life on your own filled with HV experiences.
Treat your 20’s (and in fact the rest of your life) as an opportunity to enjoy experiences, and if you ever find yourself anywhere or with anyone (particularly men) and aren’t fully enjoying yourself, don’t be afraid to go home. I wish I could re-do my 20’s, and get up and walk away every single time I was in a place (toxic workplaces, social outings, literally even restaurants that weren't what I expected) or with a person that I didn’t want to be.
And make the strongest relationship throughout this time, not with any friend, family member or partner, but with YOUR INTUITION. It will lead you to the people and places that are best for you.
Don’t let love be such a priority. Focus on your shit. Gain mastery of something. Travel.
Listen to media that highlights features and strengths of women, instead of the predominant social narrative that men are the "default" human. While it helps to learn women were oppressed and noy given opportunities years ago, do pay attention to how the media loves acting as if women are actually bodily inferior versions of men. This is so far from the truth. I did not realize how deeply it continue to affect me, until years later.
Some people will act like you should settle for bare minimum and tell you to '"thank your lucky stars" for a good man. When the "good man" turns out to be mediocre or abusive, the first group will probbaly overlap with those who tell you "why didn't you choose better?"
Find several good friends to confide in. Preferably women, because even some "good" men can be clueless about how other men can be.
Stop justifying and explaining yourself to everyone for any opinion or preference you have. Unless you are doing some assignment for work or school that mandates it.
When you notice people in your peer group encouraging you to date men who, objectively, have mediocre/zero value to offer you, don't take it as a sign of your worthlessness, inferiority due to your sex, or that your morals and accomplishments mean nothing.
Same with men who are objectively less accomplsihed/moral/well-rounded/intelligent/ambitious than you who pretend they are superior to you. Their defense mechanisms are so messed up they are clinging to the narrative that having a penis means everything they do is more valuable. I swear these types of men act like one of their farts would have more monetary value than a woman's watercolor painting.. it seemed impossible to find a man with realistic career goals or who had over a 3.0 GPA (whereas I busted my arse to get 4.0 or nearly 4.0 each semester in uni). It's not like these lads had a trade or a good career-- they would halfass a four year degree, work part time earning under the lowest cost of living, and Mummy and Daddy would finance or partially finance their lifestyle. These men would act so superior to me and tell me I needed to "earn" their respect, despite my never disrespecting them. ETA, I'm not even a bloody rocket scientist or earning amaizng money or something. I'm talking about supporting oneself, and so many men will act like you are a huge b for wanting to support yourself AND not financially support them. It is ludicrous.
Stop trying to share your hobbies with men you date, unless they prove with time they wont be toxic about it. So many men were pissy with me, acted superior, or were annoyed I did not exclusively do their preference of the hobby in ym spare time (they put down my interests/subgenres instead of being grateful to have a woman who shares their hobby and is supportive of it). I don't share my passions and inner world with men i date anymore because they would either try to control me like this, push me to do everything they liked lest I had "bad taste," coldly ignore me when I talked about anything i liked, or pretend to support my hobby (by tolerating that i liked said hobby) and practically expecting an award for "letting" me have hobbies 🙄 let them prove themselves before you share anything you enjoy. So many will sh*t on it and do a victory dance.
With age, women are shamed at every turn for... not dying. You can still look amazing in your 30s and 40s+ if you take care of yourself. Men who target you as a young women are likely not doing it because you have a special trait drawing him in-- you are able to be used and controlled easier in his mind. This is for very large age gaps , like maybe a man 7+ years older than you or so. ETA: When you get older, men will try to justify even large age gaps with you. You could have a "fully cooked" brain at 30, but it doesn't mean you should settle for someone old enough to be your father. Men on the internet who claim "30 is the new 60" for women are seriously sick in the head, and they will twist the truth or outright lie about science to justify it.
"Feminist" men are a trap (closet misogynistic who supports sex work, wants 50/50 dates, settles for a mommy mcbangmaid, uses "female empowerment" as an excuse to be lazy and not work/clean up. Same with anti-feminist men who believe MRAs are really oppressed. Don't waste your time educating or arguing with them. No matter what, they will label you a b**** or a c*** and say how feminism has gone too far. Even if you present the most diluted, "feminism is for everyone"/"we just want to work too teehee" feminism , they will twist it into you being evil. no matter how reasonable your argument is, or how delusional they sound.
As best as you can, avoid reacting emotionally to men arguing in bad faith, whenever possible. If you argue that fire is hot, and lose it to the point of yelling, they will automatically be seen as "right" by outside observers, even if they claim fire freezes water.
Stop doing hobbies you don't enjoy because you want to fit in. Reach out to friends who match your integrity and actually share hobbies with you. Quality > quantity
Stop pressuring yourself to optimize and engage in "life hacks" all the time. Stop pressuring yourself to make all free time "productive" (such as reading social justice news 🙄) you will never get to relax
Selfie camera lenses are like a fisheye lens.. your selfies suck because the lens literally distorts your face and makes the Center of your face much large than it is to the human eye. It's not duping anyone if you would rather have photos taken by someone else. Other people's selfies look good because of filters and facetune.
If you date, make an extra effort to stay in touch with your friends and not make your whole life about dating.
Stop agonizing over makeup looks. You aren't less of a woman or inferior if you wear a bit of eyeliner and mascara instead of going full glam with false lashes, perfect liner and cut crease everyday
Stop buying clothes just based on what you like. Actually picture when, where, and how you will wear it.
Ask for help when you need it. Sometimes needing advice or help doesn't make you less of any adult. People who will judge you for making an effort will judge regardless.
Stop listening to advice from most men on social media/regular media platform.
Stop listening to pop music you're bored of on the radio and find a good podcast or audiobook for long country drives or commutes on the bus
Dress for comfort when you can. There is no gold medal for wearing stiff tight jeans that give you a stomachache when you could wear a similar pair with softer, stretching denim that moves with a woman's stomach during the day.
Get a good therapist, which may mean shopping around for one that does not pressure you to settle with bad men
Stop thinking you are a failure because you are not married the age your mum was or when your peer group gets married.
Stop stressing about looking hot enough during everyday activities or even uni events. Most men will not approach you. Expecting it to happen is a recipes for misery unless you can safely enjoy your own company out in public.
Stop being a perfectionist. Expecting perfection from yourself all the time can lead to anxiety and paralysis when you are faced with your to do lost.
Stop treating other women like your competition. Sadly a lot of men are being taught and conditioned to approach women to use them for something; even if it does not necessarily mean they appreciate what internal qualities are in these individual women.
If you feel like he is pigeonholing you, making you into a caricature, or otherwise not seeing you as an interesting, fully faceted human being, he probably isn't. Again, this is not personal and he will not change
If he wanted to, he would
Don't ever explain why you are hurt or send paragraphs to a man. He probably will not apologize, empathise or validate you. Long paragraphs, even if completely reasonable in content, will be dismissed as "crazy"
Stop texting men back quickly or "liking" first on a dating profile. They see it as desperate and pull away, and these same men will lack substance.
Stop feeling obligated to give an answer immediately. Take more time to think before answering
I would tell myself to never compare myself to anyone else and focus on my journey. And also to never join social media. (That’s just me)
do not let your environment/culture/unseen forces kill your authentic self.
FIGHT. BACK.
also check out this post:
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/life-level-up/things-you-wish-you-could-tell-your-younger-self
“YOU DO NOT NEED A MAN TO SURVIVE!! You can and WILL do it on your own.”