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I just wanted to use this space to vent and to remind ourselves of our value as women's
I matched with a man in his forties last week (I live in a rural area and work from home so few opportunities to meet men organically). Long story short his texts were so boring (multiple requests about my day) followed by an enquiry about meeting this evening.
Weather is lush here so when he suggested a drink I countered with the idea of heading to the local beach, particularly as he's a paddle boarder.
TODAY at noon he asks me if I'm still keen to go for a board. Red flag 1 - this should have been confirmed earlier in the week.
A few messages on he asks me 'what time was I thinking'. Like, dude... you're the one who has asked me out and this is your hobby. Why not pick a place/time in line with tide conditions. Why is the emotional Labour on ME FFS! He then suggests 6pm (so less than 3 hours' time) and something in me snapped.
I said I wasn't feeling his enthusiasm for a proper date, wished him well and blocked. Also deleted tinder (again!)
I have a few people in my circle suggesting I've been harsh (was I?) and I know my reaction is partly because I've had a shitty week with family issues. But also there is part of me that doesn't want an average evening with a passive dude in his forties who CANT MAKE SHIT HAPPEN.
I'm moving to a city for job opportunities next week and hope to up my dating game but this has really made me mad.
Would you have done the same?
Absolutely yes, you did the right thing. He was being very lazy and not putting his best foot forward. So many men are doing this now!! "What do you want? Where do you want to go? What time?" etc. And they're passing it off as being "considerate of your preferences" but that's BS -- they're just being super-passive and putting all the work on a woman as usual. Wanting us to take the lead so they can fool themselves into thinking we women are the ones inititating and chasing them. NOPE
I don't blame you for being annoyed OP! I hate when guys do this thing where they ask 100 questions and it seems like they're being considerate but really they're trying to manipulate you into organising the date. I hate it because not only is it lazy but it's also very passive aggressive.
Stop entertaining shitty men. Whatsoever. I looked at your post history and almost all of your posts are about going out with guys who were boring and were never all that nice to you so you could sort of give them a chance.
Stop doing this. Don't go out with anyone unless you are 110% convinced that you are actually interested in him because he is actually an interesting person, he has a lot to offer you, and it won't be a waste of your time. Unless he gives you a concrete, positive reason, do not engage with him.
There's a fair chance you were speaking to a man-bot. The majority of female users on OLD are bots, in order to keep real men hooked. Male bots keep the rare female users hooked.
They are not even real men. They're bots. You are a marketing tool.
Your time and attention are worth more.
I'd have done the same. Good for you.
You absolutely did the right thing. You were not being harsh and I thought “Yes!” in my head when you cancelled and blocked him. I misinterpreted the title of this post and thought that you were going to say that he bailed on you at the last minute.
An invitation to drinks or an insistence that you pick the place/time is an indicator that they’re just wasting your time and I’m really glad you picked up on that. I promise you that you would not have enjoyed that date.
He doesn't care, so why should you? He's probably married, anyway, and thats why he's not firming up plans with you. He's not sure he's gonna be free until a few hours before time, because wifey might have something for him to do.
Strike one was the boring texts. Those texts are boring because they are the sort a man can copy-and-paste to multiple women. Already a sign he thinks of you as an interchangable woman-shaped appliance.
Strike two was asking for a drink date. It doesn't take that much effort to tailor a date a little bit more to distinct interests. You did it with the paddleboard suggestion. A man can do the same if he cares to. And if he was asking to drink alcohol with you on a first meeting - potential danger, he could be trying to get you drunk so he can rape you.
Strike three was taking forever to set an actual time. It strikes me as strange to start an outdoor sports activity in the evening. 6pm, seriously? This reminds me of that post I made earlier about a guy who kept trying to schedule dates later and later in the day, likely because he's hoping the closer to nighttime, the easier it is to "trick" a woman into going to bed with him. As if he thinks women are idiots.
You did the right thing cutting this guy off. If it was just one thing, maybe not a complete dealbreaker, but it was just thing after thing after thing.
It was already that annoying trying to set up a first date with this guy, imagine how much more annoying it would be to spend any more time with him.
People who think you should still give him a chance after all of that, are either far too naive and trusting, and/or willfully stupid.