.png)
In the past, there were men who had pursued me. I was attracted to some of them, but since I wasn't head over heels about them, I didn't date them. Kind of hard to explain it but I didn't feel "the spark".
On the other hand, I had crushes on these men I felt a spark with and overanalysed their actions as signs of interest in me. They all turned out to be taken and my crushes on them only made them distance themselves away from me.
Now that I think of it, should I change my approach towards dating? I agree having crushes bring zero benefits, but should I date men I am not head over heels about or feel "the spark" with?
In my personal opinion, and some women can't STAND this type,
You should be willing to settle down with someone "boring," but not in like, an "I hate alpha males fucking all the chicks, incel" way. You know the type. Someone STABLE. The chemistry would ideally be under the surface, because dudes that you have nonstop chemistry with are usually feeding that on their end, and even banking on it. The IDEAL, ideal guy is confident, has spark, stable, good background, porn-free, and loves his mother and sister in a non-creepy way, AND helps with fucking holidays. But he died in a car crash three weeks ago, if you didn't read the news.
Long answer short: no. You didn't mess up by having crushes. You may have crushed on the wrong people, or didn't see the good in SOME dudes, but you're entitled to want what YOU want until you get it.
I think feeling some sort of spark is important, but whatever you, individually, identify as a spark is the product of a bunch of things (what you think you want, what you think you deserve, how you perceive men's actions, etc).
So if you don't have yourself and your standards figured out, you may feel a spark but for the wrong reasons.
Sparks I've felt with bad past partners were intense/fraught, left me nervous, stuff like that.
The spark with my current partner was definitely a spark, but it was calm and cozy. My heart rate didn't increase, it decreased. Because I finally got around to wanting that and thinking I deserved that.
This is hard, I don't want to copy reddit scrotes and say "ScpArK isn'T a ThnInG' but like i would look at potentially finding your type and find common denominators in what would help YOU extend your dating pool, not so much focusing on individual men and start crushing on them before it goes anywhere.
I feel like sparks are so difficult to assess. It's all about having your standards and boundaries and assessing accordingly.