.png)
I am in my 30s, fit, and successful. I love coffee and uss expensive top quality beans that I get shipped to me to make my own cold brew at home.
Years ago, around the pandemic I matched with this guy Joe on Hinge. We texted for a bit and I lost interest as we weren't able to meet IRL due to lockdown. Sadly, I got back on Hinge because dating prospects IRL are low despite living a full life.
Joe, 34, messaged me and reminded me that we connected years ago. We chatted for a few days and then he asked for coffee. I told him we could do a phone call. We spoke on the phone for nearly 45 minutes. It aas a good convo and he seemed solid/normal. We have a lot of shared interests and we know someone in common. We spoke on a Monday and he asked if I would be down to meet, I said yes, and he said he would be in touch to make plans during the week.
I don't hear feom him til Thursday, when he asks me for a coffee date at 9am Saturday. He picked a spot that is out of business. I told him the spot is closed and that it was the only coffee shop I liked (thinking he would then pick something other than cofffee). Well, he then asks if I want to go this "decent" spot (its a place my friend and I joke about having dirty couches that are never cleaned). I then declined and passed on the date altogether. He panicked and sent a long message about how much he wants to meet me and did not mean to come across any sort of way. He then picked a coffee shop below an office building in a corporate district of our area. I shojld have blocked then, but instead said 1) 9am is way too early for a weekend and 2) coffee dates feel like meetings and I don't enjoy them.
He then said "hahaha" and said the weather is supposed to be nice so he figured we can walk/talk around with the coffees. He said I can pick the time since I said no to 9am.
My feiends aaid I am way tooo picky and acting stuck up. One said men don't plan dates so I should be happy with hisnattempts. Another said I never offered aj alternative plan and the poor guy is trying.
I am in my late 30s and my dating pool sucks so wonder if I should be more flexible with these duds. But I am objectively attractive lol and doing very well in life. I don't need an expensive dinner but I don't want to get ready, drive my Tesla and leave my comfy home to meet a man for coffee. It's not exciting and I honestly feel silly doing so at my age. It does not elicit feelings of chemistry or interest on my part and I am not a morning/early day person, which is when I would drink coffee.
Did I do the right thing here? Or am I being unreasonable?
Is this a joke? Are you a troll? Are you new?
I don't mean to be rude but you should read the handbook. We don't do those types of "dates"
The only thing you did wrong was to not block him after he said "coffee date." He's had YEARS to save up the money to buy you dinner. Next.
Don't compromise your standards, particularly on something this obvious. He can't even plan a proper date? To me, it comes off as a terrible first impression. If this is all he could offer at the beginning when he should want to go above and beyond to impress you, imagine how it would have gone downhill as it went along. He put more effort into the long message trying to explain things to you than he put into planning a date with you. That says it all.
My 2 cents as someone who is not a fan of "dinner as a first date": you did the right thing. 1. You espressed a boundary (I don't like coffee dates) and he doubled down on it. Red flag. 2. If you aren't excited to meet this guy because you feel he's not at your level, then don't meet him. He ain't it.
Don’t let anyone tell you your standards are unreasonable. We need to keep them high for a reason. Yes he’s already proven to you that he’s not taking this seriously, he’s already disrespected you with these low quality “date” ideas. We are not dogs, no walks. Block and delete sis. Please do read the handbook and listen to the podcast. Get caught up with FDS principles before you try to date again. Trust me, it’ll help. Doesn’t seem like you’re ready right now since you’re already questioning yourself and letting your friends opinions sway you.
You gave him three chances not to disrespect you. He disrespected you all three times.
Remember: a man would never give a woman three chances to disrespect him. He would've said, "Fuck off, you ugly skank" (or something similarly unpleasant) after the first sign of disrespect and moved on.
I wouldn't be all that jazzed by a 9am first date regardless of what it was.
I swear men you don't give a chance the first time around make sure to attempt to make you feel like shit if you even slightly entertain them the next time.
Are men seriously so un-creative that they can’t come up with anything other than a coffee date?
No, Sis. You're spot on the mark in your summary sentence. You're cosy, content, got what you need for your weekend. This is such a low-ball effort from him.
Also, the back and forth. A date shouldnt be a business negotiation. Effortless, pleasing, fluid, thoughtful, considerate, etc would be more like it!! Queen 👑 wait for someone super and HV with an offer you can't refuse 💞
Absolutely in the right for canceling.
Men do plan dates lol I don’t plan dates with men. I let them decides where they want to take me. I’m currently working on saying no and canceling to shitty date ideas. You pretty much have it all down.
This feels like a troll post.
This is a troll post. Aside from the poorly-written narration, this was a no-brainer. The guy's wasting your time. If I were so inclined to date males, I'm not opposed to coffee, so long as it were a very high-end café with legit beans. But it wasn't, and you knew that. But if he's taking you to a "coffee bar" whose standards for cleanliness, especially during COVID, are sub par, then he's looking for a cheap fuck.
Your facepalming also does not excuse your blatant misogyny. Despite "doing well for [yourself] in your late-thirties," you act like an indecisive teenager. Who cares if you're in your late thirties? Are you interested in a quality dude or in the white dress and fuckitude for life? Make a decision. Because here's the harsh reality: if you fuck just any dude, then you'll lose your financial independence and worse. That's why Pick-Me = Misogynist.