Vetting friends

Firstly, I only make friends with women these days. The main friend red flag for me is if she has any type of chaotic energy, and can’t/won’t distance herself emotionally (start leveling up: FDS, Chump Lady, Al Anon, trauma-informed non-PickMe therapy) from worrying about violent and/or disordered people. Top of this list includes any woman who is knowingly a married man’s side piece - she is inherently disloyal, and will also betray me. Immediately no. I’ve had friends in abusive marriages who really turned on me (cognitive dissonance/abuse dynamics), and involved me further with their certifiable violent, dangerous husbands. Nope! Nobody gets to scream at me because they refuse to stop trying to befriend the man who threatened to annihilate her and her kids. I am old and have zero tolerance for bullshit, even if I understand abuse dynamics, repetition compulsion etc. I need friends who are on my level and have only been able to find them by cleaning house of the non reciprocal friends.

My biggest red flags I look out for is

1. Spends too much time on social media (no hobbies)

2. Throws other women under the bus

A woman who spends too much time on social media will gleefully throw other women under the bus(usually) for an iota of online attention. Your new friends saying OF is empowering is a perfect example of that. A woman who scrolls too much doesn't gaf about the real world, she just knows that she gets "likes" and updoots from coomers when she repeats the mantra. (TWAW, sex work is work, feminism destroyed the family unit, family courts favor women, FeMiniNe EnErGy, etc.) Sometimes this type of woman will repeat a mantra in real life, and I'm ngl the shock and horror on her face when not met with immediate "good girl" backpats is kinda funny. She(most often, and tragically) sinks deeper into her phone for fake validation. That's fine. Either stay in the matrix or get sober, not my problem.

I'm friends with kinkmeishas, but they actually have hobbies and shit to talk about other than scrolling, fucking, and doing drugs. So while we don't have a whole lot in common in the dating realm, we still have other stuff to talk about and i can still learn from them. There's a mutual respect there. That mutual respect is non-existent with most scroller women, they tend to be awkwardly competitive with me? To the point that its second hand cringe, and I have to distance myself (and watch the shit show from afar). This absolutely diminishes my friend opportunities and I'm cool with that.

I only make friends with women because by my experience men never want to be your friend. So it’s useless. But unfortunately not every woman has leveled up and will be in tone with you. I don’t have much patience for pickme and libfems but I still try to be nice and just walk away silently when their personality and views are way too annoying. It’s good to be friends with someone who is different from you, but some people are toxic. For example, there this girl at work who I thought I could be friend with. She ended up being the most annoying person, she only talks about herself (how great she is) and doesn’t let anyone speak. People like that have nothing to offer you. So I just walked away silently. Some other traits like being narcissistic, victimized, etc are traits you should be aware of and stay away. it’s hard to recognize but with time and experience and will now who can you be friends with.

Red flags for me 🤔

- zero hobbies

- comparisons to compete

- frequently tries to change your mind/decision for any or even no reason.

- frequent unsolicited advice over things you are clearly at peace/content about

- frequently downplays your pain/struggles/chanllenges

- clearly unhappy about your achievements

Maybe few more.

Having said all of this, I will not drop friends or potential friends if they have only one of these. If their positive points are really strong, then maybe 2, but no more. Depending on the situation, they might be kept at a distance.

The last (& final) time I hung out with a female acquaintance she set off my red flag alarms after a comment she made. We were in a perfume shop and the male worker helping was trying to pick us up. He asked all types of invasive questions like what we do for work and complimented our looks. After she bought her item he asked for our numbers (so unprofessional). She gleefully accepted while I ignored and walked to another counter, acting like I was interested in other perfumes. Once their exchange was over I went to purchase my stuff. As soon as my total came up she loudly goes "Wow your stuff is more expensive than mine!". It was so out of place but felt like a mix of competitiveness and trying to throw me under the bus in front of him. Plus, I can't stand when people pocket-watch & try to police my money/spending. I just shrugged and nonchalantly paid for my stuff. After that I felt a bit drained but thankfully we ended our hang out shortly after. She invited me out to another event but after reflecting on that experience I declined. I haven't spoken to her since and that's on purpose on my end. There were other things too that were slowly turning me off from her but that was my definitive answer.

I know nobody is perfect but I've been through many negative experiences with women "friends" where if I see those early signs it's an immediate chop. That still doesn't deter me from seeking + preferring women to build friendships & community with. It's just really tough when the majority are still drinking the pickme &/or libfem koolaid. Also, their energy speaks volumes as well (as @/hush mentioned in a comment earlier).

It's actually considered sexual harassment to talk about NSFW topics with people who are forced to be near you. Saw it in a training video

Really? Could you elaborate? I dont understand how some women can be so proud and empowered talking about such topics in public spaces