To other autistic ladies, please tell me how your love life has gone?

Yes, the vast majority of neurotypical men just want to hurt and abuse us; they also want to hurt and abuse the non-autistic women they encounter. Abuser are abusers, no matter who their victims are. It's their shortcoming, not ours.

One trait we have that often works against us is our intellectual openness, i.e., our willingness to entertain possibilities most neurotypical women would not entertain. I would go as far as calling it social gullibility. We are more tolerant towards exceptions and alternative explanations, so it's easier for scrotes to lie to us or provide excuses for their scrote behavior. I have made a point to be less tolerant of these excuses/lies, with the help of FDS and self-help books.

As for personal anecdotes, I have way too many to count. Most of my sexual/romantic interactions with men in my 20s and 30s have been colored by my autism, even though I mask well. It pains me to think about my experiences as much as I imagine it pains you to think about yours.

You are definitely not alone.

Sometimes I wonder if I myself have autism, so this is something I might want to weigh in before I get a professional diagnosis.

Regardless of whether you have autism or another disability or mental disorder, this will put you in heightened danger with men, because they tend to sniff out women like yourself like sharks who have found blood in the water. That's why it is so important to be ruthless with your vetting skills and staying by FDS rules and standards to a T. What neurotypical FDS lady could possibly get away with men, I feel that autistic FDS women cannot pull it off as well.

You don't have to be with another autistic man. I find autistic men to be an absolute nightmare to deal with, unlike with autistic women. There can be sweet neurotypical men out there who won't make you feel bad for who you are.

Actually, I find that more autistic men tend to be degenerates more. They're more likely to not understand how to take care of themselves, get coddled by their mother who thinks they can get away with a lot because they are autistic and 'boys will be boys' and not respecting your boundaries. Some are incredibly obsessive and stalkerish with you too.

Often they're pretty introverted and won't approach you and don't know how to behave like a gentleman, let alone have basic social manners. And most of the time they will like to suggest to just stay at home and not take you out on proper dates.

Unless they've had some combination or either a good upbringing with the appropriate amount of discipline and support and have seeked help for their issues I think the majority of them are LVM.

Every man I’ve been with and even fellow autistic and ADHD “friends“ have made fun of me and how I talk or my mannerisms. 🙃 They don’t realize society allows them more grace than us simply bc they have a dick.

I dumped and blocked and deleted each and every one of them and now I vet ruthlessly. Anyone who disrespects you doesn’t deserve to even be a background character in your life.

I’m currently happily single and celibate and choosing to focus on dating women once I’m ready to.

It's going significantly better since I read the handbook and learned about male and female sexual strategies (they are different). Learning how to spot male sexual strategies- and how to respond to them (walking away bc you're not gonna change him) has been a game changer for me. And learning female sexual strategies has been a game changer for me because then I had a better idea of how I was being perceived based on my actions etc.

Abusers will take advantage of anything they see as a vulnerability. It’s not just exclusive to autism. A lot of abusers have the mindset, “weak/naive people deserve it” to justify the pain they inflict.

https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/other-types/violence-against-women-disabilities#

Both partners that I have had found me super quirky and frankly I'm used to being told I'm 'weird' but I guess I don't look it, so it surprises people. Both have also behaved like they sort of needed to protect me because I'm 'too nice' and I guess because I'm small, while also saying that I'm really judgemental--I have a low tolerance for bullshit but I am a naturally inquisitive person with a really soft heart deep inside. They would tell me things like they see me as a little new to this world. Whatever that means. So it was all a bit confusing?

The biggest difference that I have noticed is that I expend a lot of energy trying to understand things and this extends itself to trying to understand people because I had a really tough time fitting in as a child, so learning to mask consisted of very painstaking efforts to logically deduce how to interact with people and find myself coming up short. I also tend to think out loud in relationships and with friends and have been known to be super blunt. It's like I've made myself as competent I can be in looking after myself but I don't know how to read people all that well in person so I can be shut off with people bar the few I let in.

Lately, as I think of dating on and off again, I am trying to find some way of presenting myself differently so that I don't garner that need to protect me but it is difficult as I am small. I just want to be seen as a real equal and I refuse to deal with anything but. If anyone can help me with some tips, I'd love that.

Pretty good. I am married to a fellow AuDHD.