Tips to suss out guys who are married or already taken?

these are some red flags i know about:

- he can only see you during the week, not on weekends - those are for the girlfriend

- rarely makes concrete plans and schedule things with you. it's usually something last minute like "hey, i'm at [insert place] right now. what are you doing? wanna come?" or "are you free tonight? can you meet me at [insert place]?"

- has an erratic behaviour when it comes to messaging, not very consistent. it's like he has to sneak to text you.

- disappears, almost like ghosting, only to come back when you think it's over. means the wife/girlfriend must be sus and he has to behave in order to keep the façade.

i've learned those from and ex-friend who had substantial experience in being the other woman.

I've had the same issues in the past. My new way to judge men is by making it Facebook official. If they aren't willing to let their grandma know from fb that they're dating me, then he isn't a man worth my time. I also don't stand for any pics of past girlfriends in any capacity online. Most men I know completely wipe their ex's from their social media (some exceptions exist for childhood friends who dated and separated on good terms, but you'll know those when you see them bc there will be group pictures left. Not couple pictures)

Facebook official and social media get touted as "not being a good judge" of the actual relationship- and that's true, but it's a massive flag if he-who-isn't-active-on-social-media can't be bothered to make an update announcing you. It DOES tell you exactly where you stand in his life: ie not worth mentioning

Can't or won't be able to call you/talk with you around certain times.

You can't reach them on their phone especially in the evening/ after work.

Want to spend time at your place and not theirs

Won't introduce you to their freinds/family

You won't see them on holidays (those are for his actual girlfriend/wife

Anyone who pushes Snapchat (even if he doesn’t send any pictures, and who wants those anyway) is a huge red flag.

Also if he’s a “single dad” but seems to always have his kids. With rare exceptions, he has his kids all the time because he lives with their mother.

Social media and google are your friends.

I assume they are all lying to me until proven otherwise. I just caught one out after he carelessly told me where he worked during our OLD chat. A cursory search revealed that he recently sued his employer in federal court for knowingly violating policy, was laughed out of court twice (at trial and on appeal!), was demoted and almost fired but is still working there on probationary status. I suppose that's why he told me he was planning to retire early. 😂 To top things off, his public FB profile picture is of him with a small child and a woman who is clearly his wife. Blocked and deleted.

Most will not be that stupid or easy to detect but a general rule is that if it feels strange, it is and you can and should do better for yourself. There is no reason to waste time on a man who makes you feel anxious or unsure. Always listen to your gut.

ooh good question.

Never introduces you to family/close friends?

Hard to know early on, except for not being free on certain days. May use "work" as an excuse. So...call his work number and see if he is in.