Thoughts on confessing your feelings?

That is pursuing and making the first move. Years of socialisation have lead to men subconsciously (and even consciously) resenting women who pursue them as it emasculates them. Yes it’s fragile, but let them have it. I’m not going to write an essay about male and female socialisation, there’s numerous posts like this on the sub. A quick search or even reading the handbook would answer your question.

If you make the first move as a woman, you set the tone for your entire relationship. If you enjoy carrying the entire mental burden of a wholeass relationship, go for it, pursue your heart out.

With my ex-boyfriend I had the sense he wanted to say he loved me but he just didn’t. So one day at the end of the year (this was prior to finding FDS), I casually said falling for him had been the most fun I’d had that year. He quickly said it back. He was very much in love with me.

But it was always just a bit too slow. It wasn’t why I ultimately broke things off (because I’m sure he would’ve proposed) but he was just a bit… cowardly. He made me realise if I’m going to be in a relationship I need pursuing even once committed.

I understand why it's tempting but being open and direct doesn't work with men. They dont react to it very well. Dont believe the "communicate" propaganda.

And even if it's the best case scenario you're hoping for (guy also have feelings for you), you will be in the position of the pursuer for the rest of the relationship. Which is not in most women's interest

In college i confessed to a guy I like. He declined, saying he's focused on study now. We stayed "friends" (He strung me along lol). Three years later, we graduated, I got a job, and I already moved on. He reached back to me and asked me to meet up. He asked me if my "offer back then" is still up. He cant even say "Be my girlfriend", just that?? Ofc I declined.

100% wont recommend confessing. This made him thought I'll be available for him anytime he "need" me and get angry when I actually dont.

I'd rather confess after they confessed first.

Don’t do it first, sis!!!! “In the romantic world, there is only one way this truly works and that’s for the man to pursue.” -paraphrasing The Rules by Fein & Schneider

Man’s job is to pursue. That’s part of that “if he wanted to he would” thing. Our job is to pick which man deserves us. Which includes not focusing any hopes on one guy until that guy makes it clear that he is interested.

a man who is interested makes it very very clear he is interested because he thinks you’re awesome and sees your value, so he knows other men will too. And that gives him a sense of urgency to get you off the market.

I don't know what kind of dynamic you're writing about. I will say, if this is a crush and not a relationship, just someone you have feelings for and you're thinking of disclosing, I would advise against it. I was in an unrequited/limerent dynamic and I confessed my feelings to the man. I now wish I had not. It accomplished nothing. He was clearly inconsistent and did not have feelings for me. I just got a lot of heartbreak out of it. If you're in a relationship, I suggest going by the advice the other women on this thread have provided. I don't want you to get hurt if this is a crush.

Bad idea. You will be in a position to be taken advantage of when he sees you as an easy target. If he hasn’t told you HE has feelings, he’s either not interested or he’s lazy about making the first move.

Best case scenario, he will turn you down because high value women don't pursue men.

Worst case scenario, he will be with you for the convenience while using the confidence boost he got from being hit on by a girl to pursue the girl of his dreams.

I don't think there can be a hard and fast rule, but if there was it would be to err on the side of caution and wait for them to confess first. Men need to chase, competition is natural to them. If they think already have you because you have feels then LVM will not treat you right. Not that they would anyway, really.

In my opinion it doesn't matter if you confess feelings or attraction because to an FDS woman that isn't a commitment. We vet continually, and just because you like someone doesn't mean he won't get dropped like a hot potato when he is out of line. That is what needs to be communicated. And once he goes wrong your feelings will wane, since you have proof he's LV.

Ultimately I want to indicate that I have feelings, but that they are predicated on HV behaviour. Remember that feelings change

Don't do it. It's not just pickme behavior, it's a liability. If a guy wants you, he'll ask you out. If he doesn't, then a confession just sets you up for rejection at best. At worst, he'll sleep with you or date you because you're easy (in his eyes) and then he'll abuse you or dump you. Women reject upfront, men reject after using you so don't give them that chance.

Whenever I see a woman confessing her feelings to a man in a movie or tv show I cringe. It’s so sad and desperate. “Pick me, chose me, love me!” 🤢

It’s a one-way ticket to exploitation via an unbalanced power dynamic.

There is the concept of "dropping the handkerchief" from when women really could not pursue a man. They dropped their hankies, and a man would use this as a signal that she was open to pursuit.

When I told my shituationship how I was feeling before we "broke up" he acted like a shithead. I was basically having a panic attack and he iced me out. Some years later he wanted reached out to me and I have 0 impulse control so I told him exactly how disappointed I was and basically told him to eff off. I personally do think it was a huge waste of time confessing anything and wasting my precious energy on him, but then again I waste precious energy on other less important things lol. Depends how much you value your own time and energy....