This experience felt terrible, but I can’t pinpoint why?

The type of manipulation he was trying to use on you is called triangulation. They want you to know they have other options of attractive women and men want you to compete, feel inadequate, and get more desperate to earn their approval and advance your relationship with him. They can do this during a long term relationship too to keep you on your toes and make you more willing to put up with his bullshit because you're scared he will leave you for another woman. This is why when men cheat the wife will attack the other woman and not her husband who most definitely deserves her wrath more.

Don't expect men to change once they are in a relationship. If they hit on every woman they see when they're single, they will not stop when they get in a relationship. Focus on being able to identify men who don't do any of that behavior in the first place. Focus on instantly blocking men who engage in this behavior and not even giving them a chance to play mind games with you.

Keep reading handbook FDS material and listening to the podcast, you need to get into the mindset that you will not tolerate this shit, not even for a second. I know it's hard because we've been socialized to give lots of chances, make lots of excuses, and do all this analyzing and emotional labor that you've put into this man.

You need to practice blocking and deleting ASAP, not getting invested, not romanticizing, not expecting men to change for the perfect woman, and being an ICE QUEEN

I don't think thirsty Twitter simps are smart enough to be manipulative in the way they divide their attention. I think you're correct that he's favoring the other influencer because she is more open about her vulnerability where you simply are not as vulnerable, or as open. You weren't picking up what he was putting down so he moved on to easier pickings. You're not wrong for being a little jealous. It's annoying when a guy flirts with you and later flirts with other women openly on social media where you can see it. Stupid men and the stupid patriarchy has us believing there must be something wrong WITH US when men are openly disrespectful and they get a pass for acting the way that guy does on Twitter. He treated you in a way that is intended to make you feel seen and special, and turned around and did it to a bunch of other women too. You're a normal person who likes being treated like they're special. He's the one being gross and disingenuous for treating TONS of other influencers that way. This is why FDS preaches block and delete at the first red flag. Weird feeling in your gut? Block!!! It will desensitize you to that treatment from men so you can level up your ability to sniff out bullshit. It's easy for men to trick us into thinking we are special to them thanks to patriarchal social norms that regularly tear down our self esteem. I think you've down most of the emotional work needed to move on from this scrote and I'm glad you saw through the charade. I hope that helps

I just got the ick reading few sentences about him. Huge red flags 🚩

@HaveIt It reminds me of when victims talk about how men in therapy can be dangerous because they weaponize therapy, lie to their therapists, and learn new ways to gaslight their victims. I once worked for a man who was actually gaslighting his therapist to get her to affirm that his victims were the abusers instead of him being the abuser. I honestly think he sought out a therapist from a specific culture that deeply sympathizes with and infantilizes men and spends a lot of time with people from this group, seeking accountability avoidance in ways that he would never receive in his own community because they have strict social expectations of men, and there's a lot more to that, but I won't get into it. Men who weaponize academic theory or consider themselves experts on women because they immerse themselves in and study various cultures are incredibly dangerous and practice invalidating women's stories to protect men and their sympathizers across race and class; it's why they make excuses for perpetually violent men lest they end up "victims" of the "prison industrial complex" and so forth, they have a covert intersectional commitment to men only. It's an brand patriarchy and misogyny on the left. "The internet is filled with them because IRL people can't stand them." So true.

This must be a type 🙄, definitely quoting philosophers and academic theory, but also projecting whatever the particular woman he's flirting at is into based on her social presence. For example, he first approached me by focusing on my looks in a more objectifying way; then, he switched to calling me beautiful and complimenting my character. I don't understand what his end game is; there's no way he's actually cultivating healthy relationships with women like this. He said he was "drawn to my light," which made me suspect him to be a vampire. He *did* project about loneliness, saying that the emphasis on self-care and boundaries is ruining relationships and making everyone lonely; he gushed about "nuanced" takes on how everyone deserves love because they’re human, even abusers, and shamed a woman who celebrated a sex trafficker going to prison because even though he “didn’t agree with it,” it was "praising the prison industrial complex." I've seen a greater effort directed at women specifically to discourage/shame us about our self-care routines, boundaries, etc. coming from the left that's positioned as anti-capitalism, but I noticed this same sentiment isn't directed toward men, which makes me think it's another form of sabotage to discourage women from having standards. I may make a post about it sometime. I think he's connecting with women's internet personas more than anything, so you may be right about him not being interested in women as autonomous people, but I can't confirm that. As far as making himself more important than he is, he does tweet calling himself good-looking and intelligent. At first, I thought he was joking, but in retrospect, it's totally a red flag, possibly a low self-esteem thing? I agree with your point about online relationships; they are most successful when secured by an IRL connection; otherwise, they can be superficial, which is likely why they unravel so easily; you don't actually know the person, and it dehumanizes any attempt at intimacy.

I knew a guy like this once. Or you tell me if you find them similar.

He wasnt very social outside of the internet and had this need to talk about "difficult topics" even though it was just him saying mildly inappropriate things or philosophical talks that lead absolutely nowhere and were just lowkey offensive and calling it an unpopular opinion. He would also put women on a pedestal, mainly the ones he found hot (he still inherently believed he was better than women though). He wouldnt actually connect with them on a human level, rather see them as woman first and human second. These type of men have usually watched so much pornified content that it is part of the wiring of their damn brains. The just cant let this inherit solely sexual/romantic tie to women go which makes them terrible partners because in all honesty they dont fully see you as a person.

I feel like they make themselves more important than they are and manipulate especially kind and naive women to push their egos and "specialness". I think a lot has to do with the way men are raised but I digress lol.

I honestly would never consider a relationship that starts online ever again. I feel like its such a frustrating kind of relationship. Its mostly a waste of time and it just doesnt feel good. I would maybe give you the same advice because it just lacks a huge part of one on one communication and makes vetting and connecting way harder.

Anyways, idk if this helped at all but I was just curious whether the guys were similar.