.png)
Update: Blocked on everything and deleted with no reply from me :)
Basically I dated a coworker (terrible idea, I know) for a month. My intuition was telling me something was off and I broke up with him via text after a month. It seemed appropriate at the time given the amount of time we actually dated, and he struck me as the guy who would've tried to change my mind if I did it in person.
Anyway, that was 3 months ago. I left the job yesterday, and he decided to send me a novella about how he "felt" about me dumping him via text and other issues. Not sure if I say anything, or block and delete (couldn't before due to work).
P.S. Even BEFORE we tried this I had explained that I wasn't interested in dating, or at least serious dating due to me leaving to go to grad school abroad in August. It was my fault that I gave him a chance at all, and I addressed that when we split. I genuinely don't understand what he thought would happen after dating for a few months then I moved across the world. Delusional.
P.S.S: OH, and he still lives in his parents house, in his childhood bedroom that hasn't changed since highschool despite being 24 and having an engineering degree.
Novella below:
Wow, that's certainly a lot of words for "I need therapy."
Let's break it down a tad.
"Please for the love of God don't ever break up with someone with a text."
We dated for a month, therefore I feel justified in telling you how to handle your personal communicatios for the rest of your life.
"I seriously do not know what made you think that was a justifiable thing to do to me."
"You disregarded my worth"
HOW DARE YOU?!!!!?!?!??!?!
"I guess I just wasn't expressing myself the way you wanted me to"
You were supposed to read my mind, not my actions!
"Even asshat Willie Nelson could tell that I liked you a lot"
(What the delusional goofiness is this?)
"I know it was only a month, but I liked you way longer than that"
Again, you should have read my mind, and I'm going to hold you accountable for not having done so!
"I'm sorry I was moving too fast.... My loneliness made me starved for physical contact"
RAPEY AND MORE RAPEY
"I should have been better at controlling myself, especially after you told me"
AND STILL MORE RAPEY
"I honestly still don't know what you wanted"
YOU LITERALLY TOLD ME!
But that wasn't as important to me as pushing your physical boundaries!
"My mental health spiraled...."
"I have been experiencing waves of depression, lost a ton of motivation, and barely slept...."
"This was the worst my depression has ever been"
And many more words indicating I NEED THERAPY AND LOTS OF IT
"I felt I needed to tell you all of this so you know how to avoid hurting any future partners"
I must put myself on the superior "higher moral ground" here, to save face. Also, of course, I'm not sending you this wall o' text because I'm lashing out -- I am only thinking of you, and how you can improve yourself.
"Also, I don't want to be rude, but...."
I gotta get some negging in here before I wrap up.
Something I noticed, is that he mentions you had to tell him not to be so touchy which he attempts to explain away as being so lonely and starved of physical contact.
Your reaction to him touching you speaks volumes. If you are really into someone, you will want to be touched by that person and you will want to be touching him. Your natural inclination to recoil from his touch is your intuition kicking in.
Yeah I'm going to say "do not respond" but if you want to be extra petty, you can respond "k" before blocking and deleting.
Responses like his are exactly the reason why some women break up via text. Imagine having to watch him be a diva in person about all this.
[...] he struck me as the guy who would've tried to change my mind if I did it in person.
This letter validates that you did right.
His whinyness is highly disproportionate to the time you spent dating and its tone could be comical if mens' emotiononality wouldn't breach scary territories. I hope you can continue laughing about his absurd and self-righteous babbling and do not feel bad for a single minute longer.
Some of his sticky excuses allude to him already having pushed your comfort and tested your boundaries, just as @Dame_Julian's excellent linguistic interpretation supposes. Please take good care of your safety and your comfort and use the energy you would spend on feeling bad for him on feeling what !you! feel next time.
You weren't kidding when you said that he sent you a novel of a whine. That was A LOT. TBH all I thought when I read his response was that you were right to break up with him via text. His response was all self-pity with a few digs at you thrown in. Could you imagine how bad breaking up with him in person would have been?! If I were you, I would either (a) not respond at all and block and delete or (b) respond with something polite but curt e.g. "Thank you for your response", and then block and delete. Don't under any circumstances should you engage, not even to defend or explain yourself. That's what he wants, to draw you in.
Girl read the handbook. OBVIOUS NO.
Part of me felt bad laughing while reading this because I've definitely sent some cringey paragraphs to men who weren't even my boyfriend before. But gosh dangit.
At no point did this guy start hitting the backspace button. I bet he re-read every paragraph and felt like he still didn't say enough so kept adding.
Well, good luck on your new path out of that workplace!
Notice how he assumed that she must have mistakenly thought that he wasn't attracted to her. He didn't once consider that she just wasn't attracted to him--just figured that there must still be a way he can "win".
Cringe.
Block and delete all phone numbers, emails, and social media.
Trust me, you don't want another message from this loser.
Even when I badly needed therapy during my break ups I wasn't acting like he did. There is a certain way men demand emotional labor from women...
Do not reply
He lost me @ Willie Nelson 😭
This may go against the grain, but a part of me wonders if not responding to him would make him feel like he's won.