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Hey all, you may remember my last post about the pain of realizing my ex boyfriend overdosed shortly after I broke up with him and blocked him. The comments were overwhelmingly compassionate and on point as usual. Feel free to browse here.
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/forum/mental-health/please-be-careful-how-you-block-and-delete-people?origin=member_posts_page
I now recently found out he actually committed suicide by hanging. To say I was totally distraught would be an understatement. Now that the initial shock is over I have come to some important conclusions in myself I think would be beneficial to share.
When I broke up with him I was deeply following my intuition. I was not trying to be malicious. I knew the relationship was not a healthy one for me despite all the things we had in common and how generous he was and how much he loved me. I just could not shake a sense that there was an energetic darkness about him that was setting off alarm bells causing me to want to flee. I wanted to get sober and he wasn't as supportive as I wanted. This is not to mention the fact that he pushed my boundaries by not giving me the space I requested resulting in me blocking him.
Ultimately, as sad as it is, his suicide proved me right in my leaving him. I have stopped feeling so guilty and while I miss him and wish he had not struggled and suffered so deeply, I was protecting myself from someone who was disturbed beyond my capabilities to help.
Who knows what kind of darkness the relationship could have devolved into had I not left. I did not cause his suicide, his own mind and drug abuse did that to him. What I was doing was taking care of myself and removing myself from a potentially dangerous and emotionally damaging relationship.
I just wanted to share and hear your thoughts as well. While I'm still in pain from the loss of a friend of over 10 years, I believe I have reached some sense of peace about the situation and my role in it. Ultimately, I feel if it wasn't me breaking up with him that triggered it, it would have been something else.
Thanks for reading. Stay blessed.
Women aren't responsible for the actions of men
I'm sorry he killed himself. We are quite ruthless about men, but a suicide is nothing to celebrate. However, he didn't kill himself because you broke up with him, but because he's unable to cope with adversities in a healthy way. Millions of people get broken up with daily and don't kill themselves.
If you had stayed, you'd be prolonging the suffering of two people. You did the right thing, and sorry that it came up to that.
This is not your fault. This was on him. He could have gone to therapy and get help with whatever issues he had.
You put your oxygen mask on first.
Good for you. In our society, women are vilified for putting themselves first, you did well by listening to your intuition and making the healthy choice for you.
That being said, it's unfortunate he killed himself, but it has nothing to do with you. That's on him. It's a choice he made.
Well done for not getting dragged down into the abyss with him.
Women committed suicide when men leaked their nudes online and send it to her parents. It happened in my country, a girl used the elevator to jump of the highest balcony for what they have done. The bf who send it to his friends and the ones who spread it were never charged. Ppl claim that even though the suicide was bad the boys aren’t responsible for her decision to take her life. If men aren’t responsible for our demise then why should we feel an ounce of guilt?
Breaking up is within your right but passing someone else’s nudes is nobodies right.
So many men I befriended asked for nudes and when I said no they pulled the trust card wondering why I don’t trust them, but I refuse to be one of these women who have to live with the embarrassment.
Hugs to you. Survivor's guilt is real. Good on you for realizing there's nothing you could have done. Sadly some people are so far gone that they only drag others down with them. It's probably not even their own fault, just very bad luck. Tragedies happen, and we need space to grieve them, but not feel responsible for them.
I went through almost the same thing, my ex shot himself a couple of years after I left him. I strongly believe that if I had still been with him, he would have shot me and then himself. He was bipolar and had tried to hurt me before resulting in me breaking up with him. You probably saved your own life by leaving him also
You did the right thing. You protected yourself from him. People like that and especially males are dangerous.
It’s sad and unfortunate that he took his own life. I’m glad you know this is not your fault and you got nothing to do with this. You deserve to leave a relationship that isn’t working for you. It’s your right. You deserve to be happy.
Good for you, Queen, for coming through the storm to the cool and calm clarity of truth. Your ex was on his own path, and nothing you did or didn't do caused his actions. He was clearly on a course of self-destruction, and you had every right to stand clear of it. Keep letting in the truth. It will bring you peace and strength.
You did what you needed to do in terms of self-preservation.
i hope you feel supported here, Queen. strength and compassion to you.
💫👑💪🏽
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Know it’s not your fault. My ex attempted suicide when I left and the one before him threatened to commit suicide if I left.
I'm proud of you for realizing you didn't cause his suicide, od, etc.
Oh my, all I can say is I’m so sorry and this wasn’t at all your fault!
We all have the right to end relationships for any reason.