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Without going into explicit detail on the situation, I recently came to decision to initiate a civil lawsuit against an abuser. I generally feel that it's a good idea-- I'm not interested in monetary compensation, but the benefit to me is having room to fully describe the abuse to the abuser's face.
But, I know that there could be a downside-- it could be re-traumatizing if I face a judge who is unsympathetic or even condemning of victims of abuse. That situation would further validate the abuser and he would leave it all feeling vindicated.
It's a decision I want to make, but I do have caution. Has anyone else ever taken an abuser to court? Do you have thoughts about the process or your outcome? I would love thoughts from anyone who may have insight.
And FYI, just for context, it's in Canadian court.
I've never sued anyone, but had friends share experiences and here's what seems to work best:
Hire a (probably white) man as your attorney and let him do ALL the talking in the courtroom. Do not communicate anything to anyone except to or through your lawyer, especially in the courtroom.
Show NO emotion except maybe a few silent tears here and there. Anything other than that is seen as women's hysteria. Pro tip--white girl tears are not just for whities! Use your feminine vulnerability to your advantage. Give the Disney princess eyes.
Document EVERYTHING related directly or indirectly to this case/any interactions between you and the abuser. Your recorded account/dated diary entries are always gonna have more weight in court than any verbal memory you may have to come up with on the spot. Use that cell phone to record photos, videos, voice memo with time/datestamps, etc.
DO NOT CONTINUE COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR ABUSER! Hopefully you're in a position where you can enact this. Block them on absolutely EVERYTHING--email, phone, social media, streaming accounts--with the exception of anything that could be used as evidence of their abuse, erase everything about them from your life like they never existed.
If you already know this stuff, then consider this all a positive reinforcement.
Good luck!
✊️Fuck the patriarchy